My mind races and I am mad myself. I can't stop thinking about what manfriend said to me last week. I want to forget it, but I am can't. I have conversations in my head all day long.
I have conversations in my head that brings tears to my eyes about the kind of relationship he is in....gifting gifts to other women? I mean, I didn't get shit. His he really at that point???? Or maybe he needed to lash out and be mean so I would withdraw? When I talked to doofy he said he would do this so she seemed more in control even though that is what he wanted.
So why would he want to drive that screwdriver further into my heart? What did I do to deserve such backlash? I was nothing but nice and he felt he needed to disintergrate me. I guess it worked because it has consumed my thoughts for days.
I am mad myself because I allowed him to sleep with me and now I wonder what kind of skank he has been with and i've convinced myself I have a std. I feel uncomfortable 'down there' even though it might be nothing.
I hate that I allowed myself to be drawn to kissing manfriend to allow it to continue. I hate that I allowed him to have two minutes of unprotected sex so he can release. I hate that he IMed me a few weeks ago about why he woke up with a hard Dick later realize it was because the woman he was with didnt fulfil him.
I hate myself for thinking two minutes of sex was acceptable because I was blinded by the intamacy of kissing.
I hate myself for making the same mistake.