homebody

I was laying on my beach towel in my back yard, soaking up the sun and the 75 degree day.  The twenty minutes I laid there, I was very content but my mind wandered to that I enjoyed my routine morning.  Preparing my food/lunch for the week, looking forward to a friend stopping over for a beer outside, and a call with some family members to end the day.  I want to share my life with someone but I am struggling with the location issue of where to meet someone.  I am a bit of a homebody.  I love cooking and baking and don't mind housework.  I run errands and get outside for walks, hikes, etc...I generally don't stop and take a lunch break at work...so I am alone most of my time.  I know I am not going to meet someone in my back yard or in my car.

Hopefully this re-revelation will help me do more with my hours now that the days are longer, and maybe I'll meet new friends/future husband.

loss

Loss is hard.  I've experienced a heartbreak loss only three times, but each was difficult in their own way.  I don't fall in love easily, so when I did, I was all in.  The first loss was hard because it was the first time I ever felt that way; a first real heartache, one that made me realize I probably did love the guy but didn't realize it until it was over.  The second was paralyzing and devastating causing me to barely remember two years of my life because I was in this blur of sadness, shock and denial.  The third was a loss of what could have been, death and guilt.

The common thread of all three has to do with being rejected.

Rejection is something everyone will feel at some point, or many points throughout their lives, not just with dating, but in the career, friendships, financial, education, etc.  When there is not as much at stake, that rejection is easier to handle...like when I applied to 80 jobs a few months ago, I expect a certain percentage of rejection, especially for the long shot applications, but ones that I truly felt I could excel at and they didn't even call me for an interview, that was a little harder because I wanted it more.  Same goes for relationships.  A few dates in and it ends...not a big deal; I am not losing sleep.  But when you spend years with someone and they are embedded in your everyday life, that rejection is much more difficult to handle.  You start to question everything about yourself, because if this person who once loved you so much just stopped...it is hard to understand why.

Time goes by, and yes, the loss and rejection is faded but it never really goes away.  A part of it stays with you and at certain times in your life....it reminds you it is still there.  The important thing is to learn how to not let it bog you down.  You can't obsess over it and let it take over your life; you need to learn, grown and be slightly cautious but not fault others because of how one person treated you.

Turn a bad experience into a self teaching moment.  You will be surprised of what can happen.