Wednesday, October 28, 2015

all in

I decided I was going to like the new guy.  Forget about Stiff...he is Stiff.   Sure, great on paper, more my type in the looks department, and aside from our trip to Mt. Evans....our 'dates' have been boring.  Well, I can't call them 'dates' because we aren't dating...but when we hang out.  Anyway, going to dinner and the movies one night with Stiff, made me know what? I enjoy my time with the other guy.

And that was that.  My text messages to him got cuter, I was a little more flirty.  I was even tempted to go to the airport when he came back from his trip (and before the next one the following day) to give him a kiss and let him know I was interested.   My roommate kindly reminded me I'd probably be viewed as psychotic if I did that though because we only went out four times.   So I texted it to him so when he got off the plane, he knew I was thinking about him....

...and the next day he proposed that he meet me at work for a quick lunch before his next flight.  And I am glad that he did, because seeing him again after that break reinforced I wanted to see him when he got back a week later.  It is hard to have a 2 week break when you just start dating...cause a lot can happen in that time.

I don't think a day went by during that second week that we didn't text each other at least once.

I am still concerned about him not liking the last woman he dated...for FIVE years and that relationship just ended.  He said from date 1 he didn't like her, so what if he really doesn't like me....but that I am the first person he went out with since his breakup?  Also, I don't want to be a rebound.

Until I know more...I am going all in.  Aside from feelings being hurt, what do I have to lose?

Monday, October 26, 2015

mix between the men I've loved

It's been 2.5 weeks since I met this new guy.  I've been torn.  Could I be interested? not?  I told him I wasn't entirely attracted to him but then again I wasn't attracted to SI at the beginning either.

I think what I am intrigued about is he is a good cross between the two guys I've loved.  He is chatty and outgoing and makes me laugh, like SI did, and I could tell that if we dated he'd treat me well.  Who doesn't want to be adored?  He also likes to do a companion too, which I've longed for.  And like ManFriend, we kiss really well together.  We've kissed for like 2 hours.  Who does that anymore?

So, this might have potential.

Monday, October 19, 2015

mt evans

It took me 14 months to make it to Mount Evans...and I am so glad I was able to catch it on the last weekend they were open this season.   Mount Evans highway is the highest paved road in North America and gains about 7,000 feet in elevation in 28 miles to reach the summit at 14,264 feet.  Well, no, the parking lot at sign is at 14,130 feet and then you need to walk up 134 feet on a trail to get to the top.

Stiff and I made plans to head up to Mt. Evans.  The morning of, I got nervous, my area had a massive cloud and I worried that visibility from the top would be horrible...and did they get snow from the rain the night before?  But as we drove west on i-70 it started to clear up.    When we got to the pay booth the attendant informed us that the road to the top was open....but it was 'snowpacked' and icy after mile 6.   Since we got there around 11:30, I was hoping that the afternoon sun melted the snow but was happy Stiff was driving just in case.

The ride up was pretty.
Echo Lake, 10,600 feet

Summit Lake, 13,00 feet
The summit was only 35 degrees.  While I brought my winter down jacket, gloves and an ear thing, I only wore my jacket...mistake.  My hands and ears were freezing.  The walk up the trail to the top wasn't bad...there was a dusting of snow in some places and a tad bit of ice but it wasn't bad at all.  We spent some time taking in the views, getting pictures and then this photographer was there and we were a part of his picture too.
A few from the top
 and the way back down...
winding road....there are NO guard rails
And I saw mountain goats in the 'wild' for the first time!  I had my 200 camera lens with me...which clearly wasn't zoom enough and binoculars which really helped to see them.
My first Mountain Goat sighting

It's Autumn!  Down at the beginning of the highway

I am so happy I finally got up here.  And it was free for me because I have the National Park Pass, so I saved $10.  It was such a perfect day.  The timing of everything, the weather, the company...I had such a great day.

CoDot information

Friday, October 16, 2015

the kiss date

Date #3 with this guy was dinner, a play and then drinks.  We spent 7 1/2 hours together.  I find him talkative, a little outgoing and funny.  The guy asked how the date was going....and I said well, but I wasn't sure, I don't know if I am attracted to him.  He asked why.  It's the beard I think.  It's a full one.  Or is it the facial structure/features?  I am not sure why I am not sure.  He didn't seem too offended, and if anything, I think he tried even harder to get me to like him by saying things I found either fascinating or funny.  He asked about my view on kissing then came in for one.  It was ok.  The mustache/beard is a hard adjustment.  The kiss was ok to good and mixed with some really weird tongue movements that I haven't experienced since like, high school.  We kiss on and off and time passes and it is after 1 am, he missed his train and I drive him to another station...where we kiss in the car for another 30 minutes.   But I am not sure how I feel.  I can't feel guilty about kissing a guy I barely know, that is part of dating.  You need to feel compatible and I think kissing is an important part of that.  Kissing helps with the attraction too...if it is good.  And if it is bad...then well, that helps with the decision not to want to see them again.  

He wants to see me again. I guess I will.  I mean, I haven't found a good reason not to yet.  He isn't "my type" but "my type" has never worked I try not to go by that anymore.

Monday, October 12, 2015

salsa group lesson with date

A few weeks ago, I had a second date with a guy I met online.  During the first date he mentioned he just started taking salsa dancing lessons so when ideas were needed for date #2, I sort of invited myself to join him.  What better way to understand someone than awkward uncomfortable dancing when making a fool out of yourself.  I feel like it is good to get that out of the way early.  Laughing at yourself in front of someone else.

In high school I took tap and jazz for about 3 years.  It was fun, but I was never really good at it, not loose enough, not having the music move me.  Then in my 20s I took some ballroom dance lessons with SI.  Those started fun, but became stressful.  And it was awkward, even with someone I knew, was attracted to and liked.

We started the lesson learning the basic steps and then adding on.  I was doing great.  It is easy to watch and to get the footing right - alone.  Once we started dancing with someone, it got harder.  And then, like most group dance lessons, you dance around the room, the basic short routine you learned with a new person.  Everyone has different styles and is at different levels.  I think this is supposed to make you better, but it started to confuse me, doubting my steps. taking more misteps because of poor leading.  One guy critiqued me - he didn't enjoy my dancing.  I thought he was awkward and the worst one I danced with so I wasn't offended.   After our dancing circle we were able to dance with the person we went with and there I was, making eye contact for way too long with this new guy.  What do you do?  I start laughing.  It is awkward.

Our beginners group joined the intermediate group and we did a big circle dance swap thing again....and I had no clue what the advanced men were doing to me...but I went with it and laughed and apologized over and over that today was day #1 and I had no idea what to do.  Thank goodness my big smile won them all over.

Soon it was back to 'open dance' with my 'partner'.  He needed a bathroom break so I go sit on the side.  Only seconds passed and a young Spanish guy came over and reached his hand out to me implying he wanted to dance.  Not sure how long my date would be, I said sure.  Why not?   The guy was good.  He had me all over the floor.  He was intense. He touched me in all the right places that make salsa sensual.  He led me well and he had that look of not only confidence, but an intense stare when in the moment.  I see my date watch from the sidelines, but I wasn't going to stop this great dance with this stranger midsong.  My date had 4 lessons...he was stiff and awkward, this guy...he'd make me want to learn.  Song over, my stranger and I part ways without having said a word.

My date said he was very impressed with my skills.  It wasn't was being led well. I was loose, relaxed...and sweating quite a bit (which was a little embarrassing).  He and I go back to our structured salsa basic step and turn.  After 3 hours I called it a night. I was exhausted.

Date walked me to my car and asked to hang out 2 days later.  I guess I made a good second impression.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

new wheels

Since I moved, I thought about getting a bike.  We have so many great trail systems out here.  But the biggest thing holding me back was money, second was what would I use the bike for? Road? Mountain?  I kept going back and forth.  My friends who newly became obsessed with biking told me to get a good bike, its worth the money.  Then you have all the accessories and was just too much.  Winter rolled around and I forgot about the idea of wanting a bike.  Spring came and I was so busy adjusting to working again.  Summer almost ended by the time I maybe figured out what I wanted.

I wanted a mountain bike...until I was in Steamboat Springs and I saw mountain biking in action.  The following weekend I went biking shopping.  I ended up with a hybrid, exactly what I didn't want.  But I didn't want to commit to road or dirt.  The hybrid is in the middle.  Who would have thought that my 'new' fear of commitment would spread to bikes too?

I ended up with a Giant/Liv Alight 1.  It is nice and light and comfortable "city" bike.  Great if I want to commute, but it can handle some dirt too.

It's been 14 years since I road a bike...and my last experience was tough hills in Vermont I wasn't ready for that sort of scared me from biking again...even though I set up my bike as a recumbent bike for a few months.  Anyway, the point is I needed to ease into it this time so I wouldn't be turned against it.

My first ride was 3 miles, then 6 then 13 then 15.  There were a few areas with softer dirt/rocky and my bike really struggled but if I want to pursue that type of cycling in the is still an option.

I met up with several people from craigslist for a bike rack and tension bars or whatever they are called and got 'deals' well, as far as not paying full price.  I spent a lot of time researching the platform racks vs the arm racks...and went with the arm racks only because I wanted the option of toting along more than 2 bikes....which might be a rare occurrence, but you never know.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

steps towards future career

I've had a lot of free time since I adjusted to working again.  And the summer is long.  I naturally wake up early and had a full day.  What does one do when they get home at like 4?

I was approached by someone to do some part-time work.  I figured this would be great because I could use the money and I had the time.  I'd love to pay off my debt faster and have money to travel and take trips.

But naturally my full time job got busy and I had less time to work than I thought.

And then, someone else asked me to do some mindless work. I did that in a few hours.  They liked it and then BOOM they want me to take on a lot more and upgraded the work to things I enjoy.  Sure, the work is interesting - very similar to what I do regularly and a few hours....OK....but it turns out they didn't want a few hours.

Job #2 now contacts me saying they don't want to pay me as an PT employee and would rather I work independently.  Job #3 doesn't have payroll in place, and I am to assume that they'd be paying me as a consultant as well.  What to do?

Ideally, I'd love to be a consultant and work remotely.  This way I can do my 'family' thing...even if it is just me and a kid.  And I could live wherever I want (I've been thinking of moving again, to a smaller town).  This is the end goal.  How to get there?

So I decide I should incorporate.

I had a lot of questions...and I don't have an accountant or a lawyer.  I only have a small amount of friends, and of those only one or two are consultants.  I ask them a handful of questions.

I did a little bit of a 'rush' I know this is temporary, eventually I'll need to restructure if I want to expand.  I remember back to SI's consulting company and that would be a great thing...maybe.  Having a few consultants working for you but then also the hassle and liability of having them.

I don't's goals.  It's something to work towards.  I just need to figure out how to balance my time making everyone happy and not keep saying yes to more work when I don't have the time.  But I like making people happy and saying no is hard.

I still want to date and have hobbies and enjoy my time in Colorado.  We'll see what happens.

Friday, October 2, 2015

tive vs ed

I finally understand the difference between attractive and attracted.

Stiff, I found attractive, but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him.  I didn't realize this existed.  Until recently, all the men I've found attractive were the same men I was attracted to.

I met a new man last week, I am not sure I am attracted to him either...but then again, I am not sure I found him attractive when I saw him.  So this makes sense.

Of course attraction grows on you.  So, we'll see what happens.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

will I be ready?

I've been single so long that I am not sure I will be ready for a relationship if/when it happens again.  I miss intimacy, I do.  I miss having someone to do things with.  But, the dating part that is needed to get to where you have that....I am not so good with that apparently.