It is that time of year where people are re-hooking up. Unfortunately I am not stranger to this phenomenon - I recycle my men. I do it because I want to keep my number low and you know what you are getting yourself into. It makes perfect sense.
So, I have a sorta thing going with ManFriend, nothing restrictive but he constantly tells me how lucky he is to be with me, and that I turn him on, and that I am sexy as hell.
But, I've hooked up with Cop#1 about 7 times this year because he is my addiction. We've been at it on and off for 13 years...and I love that I excite him so much.
And now, out of the woodwork I received a "poke" from Bank Boy. I didn't know you can still poke people on Facebook, but that generated a short conversation. He suggested one more night. But remember, he was obsessed...there is no way I can do that again because once isn't enough for him, I rocked his world a little too much.
Two days later HSK started messaging me again, first it was just catching up stuff over the last 1 1/2 years since he decided I wasn't good enough for him, but then he started complimenting me then asked to hang out. Then more messages on different days - still filled with compliments. We even made plans so he can show me a good time...whatever that may entail. Normally I wouldn't go for hooking up with him again, because he was an odd conceited fellow...but no joke, his small little penis was the most satisfying and amazing sexual experiences ever. So, why would I not try again, especially because I feel like having lame sex with ManFriend is making me forget to have decent sex.
Then comes some New Year's resolution ideas from my male friends about hooking up with them in the New Year. I told one guy that I was open to hanging out with him again - I haven't seen him since I was friends with this girl T from college, he is/was her friend. But his penis was HUGE...a little scary. Add to that greesy - him and his girlfriend are rocky, so immediately he asks to bang.
Finally, the most unexpected of all was Doofy. I never made a good impression with him in the bedroom. His huge penis scared me, clearly I have a problem with extra large. I always felt young and inexperienced with him. It may have been the timing too - I was a bit more insecure a few years ago. I mean ManFriend has been with ~over 150 women, and I am not bothered with that, so just because Doofy is more experienced I shouldn't have a problem, especially if he was willing to teach me stuff. Who doesn't love to learn? Anyway, I haven't heard from him in a long time, so it was nice to chat with him a little bit and I was super flattered with his kind words.
What should this tell me? It tells me that I am desirable I mean, it isn't one person telling me I am pretty or that they want to have indecent relations with me - this is now a few of my past men...men who know me, men who've seen me naked, men who've seen the 'crazy' Denise, the 'sad' Denise, the 'happy' Denise, the super drunk Denise, and the serious Denise. A few men, so it can't be a mistake. If I had a tag on me, it would say 'recommended by 9.5 out of 10 men'.
So there it is, I must be pretty awesome, otherwise these men wouldn't be asking to re-hook up with me. Tis the season, where I might let my guard down, and just do it...with all of them. Why not?
Showing posts with label HSK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HSK. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Why my past men are important to me
I feel like I need to recount my sexual past and share with you what I've learned from them and why they were important in my life and helped me develop into who I am today and who I will become in the future.
- Kevin - losing virginity is never fun. Glad I did it with someone I knew. One night stands are not the best.
- Cop #1 - intense sexual attraction. Sex all the time. 'cyber sex'. videos. First sexual relationship and what I base most of my other encounters around.
- Cop #2 - anal sex hurts way too much to be enjoyed without lube.
- SI - simultaneous self masturbation. toy. sex multiple times a day. squirting. living with someone. love. heartache. signs of cheating.
- Greasy - I don't like sex when it is suffocating. I need to breathe.
- Bank Boy - some men won't stop until your needs are met...it was a strange feeling to have someone so attentive
- Doofy - rough. big penis isn't necessarily a good thing.
- HSK - how amazing a small penis could be. Orgasm during sex.
- ManFriend - slow passionate (without the passion) sex.
Monday, May 30, 2011
I can still party like it's 1999
I am shocking myself more and more these days. HSKs friend Skater Boy invited me to his house for a beer pong tournament. Actually, I was told about this a month or two ago, but since HSK and I aren't speaking - I didn't think I'd still be invited, but I was. I was a little nervous about this since I haven't seen some of these people in 15 years. So I decided to bake 10 dozen cookies, I made plans with some great people that live up in that direction for the afternoon - so I would HAVE to go to this party; no excuses.
Before I leave, I had a voicemail and it was HSK telling me that he heard I was going and he was happy about that. So, I get there and I have a beer and a sliver of a sandwich (the only food I ate there) right away. There weren't many people there yet so it helped me remember people's name. Skater Boy and I started 'warming up' with some practice beer pong with two others - we ended up playing I think 4 games. On the last practice game, I was getting tipsy and very enthusiastic. I kept running after the ball if it rolled (for a free throw behind the back) - but this time, I jumped on table, and my boobs broke the grate at the one end - and I sort of fell through a little and have quite a number of scratches on both of my arms. I needed a break after that, and then tournament was going to start in about 30 minutes or so anyway. During that time HSK and I had a small talk about whatever and it wasn't too awkward. I was teamed up with someone, we'll just call him J who was good - I played him during the practice. Unfortunately our first game went into overtime or whatever it was called, and we ended up loosing by one cup. Our second game I was starting to really fall behind and didn't get many so we lost that and then I was able to actually talk to some of the kids I went to high school with. For the most part, it was actually kind of nice to see some of them...they were the guys that I really enjoyed hanging out with in 9th/10th grade, and even seeing them again now I know why I was friends with them. Another few beers - and my partner J and I start kissing a bunch but then he passes out (based on texts I got Monday -he is now 'infatuated with me' and 'loves how I kiss' which doesn't surprise me...I am a great kisser). HSK, Skater Boy, me and this other girl then strip down and jump in a neighbor's pool, which was freezing. HSK starts making out with tattooed fake blond not so attractive girl, it was little hard to watch - but then Skater Boy came over and started kissing me (we dated for all of a week or two in high school). Back at the house I downed a water, kissed Skater Boy a little more. There is only about 10 of us left at about 5 am...OMG I was up for 24 hours! Not only did I shock myself about jumping in a neighbors pool, but I was up so late, and I kissed 2 different guys, oh, and I talked with a lot of 'strangers'. All things out of my comfort zone. I go to use the bathroom and then decide I needed to lay down. HSK was sleeping on the couch and I go and join him and we snuggle for those few hours. I barely slept with all his snoring and my belly that was like a tidal wave. I wake him up with some caresses and then go at 'it' for 10 minutes or so and then go back to sleep. It was a little 'thrilling' since there wasn't a door and someone could have walked past at anytime (and if it was Skater Boy I would have felt really bad).
The rest of my day was a little hard. At first I was queasy, I should have thrown up when I woke up, but I didn't. My 85 minute drive home was LONG. I had the windows down, music blasting and I was singing on the top of my lungs.
In 1999 I was 20, so I guess I can still party like it is 2000...since I was 'legal' then and I did have one crazy night where I kissed 3 guys in one night. I am happy to know I still have it in me, I just need the right people to bring it out. But no worries, this won't be a regular thing by any means, I don't have the stamina or the desire to drink that much or to be this sleep deprived.
Before I leave, I had a voicemail and it was HSK telling me that he heard I was going and he was happy about that. So, I get there and I have a beer and a sliver of a sandwich (the only food I ate there) right away. There weren't many people there yet so it helped me remember people's name. Skater Boy and I started 'warming up' with some practice beer pong with two others - we ended up playing I think 4 games. On the last practice game, I was getting tipsy and very enthusiastic. I kept running after the ball if it rolled (for a free throw behind the back) - but this time, I jumped on table, and my boobs broke the grate at the one end - and I sort of fell through a little and have quite a number of scratches on both of my arms. I needed a break after that, and then tournament was going to start in about 30 minutes or so anyway. During that time HSK and I had a small talk about whatever and it wasn't too awkward. I was teamed up with someone, we'll just call him J who was good - I played him during the practice. Unfortunately our first game went into overtime or whatever it was called, and we ended up loosing by one cup. Our second game I was starting to really fall behind and didn't get many so we lost that and then I was able to actually talk to some of the kids I went to high school with. For the most part, it was actually kind of nice to see some of them...they were the guys that I really enjoyed hanging out with in 9th/10th grade, and even seeing them again now I know why I was friends with them. Another few beers - and my partner J and I start kissing a bunch but then he passes out (based on texts I got Monday -he is now 'infatuated with me' and 'loves how I kiss' which doesn't surprise me...I am a great kisser). HSK, Skater Boy, me and this other girl then strip down and jump in a neighbor's pool, which was freezing. HSK starts making out with tattooed fake blond not so attractive girl, it was little hard to watch - but then Skater Boy came over and started kissing me (we dated for all of a week or two in high school). Back at the house I downed a water, kissed Skater Boy a little more. There is only about 10 of us left at about 5 am...OMG I was up for 24 hours! Not only did I shock myself about jumping in a neighbors pool, but I was up so late, and I kissed 2 different guys, oh, and I talked with a lot of 'strangers'. All things out of my comfort zone. I go to use the bathroom and then decide I needed to lay down. HSK was sleeping on the couch and I go and join him and we snuggle for those few hours. I barely slept with all his snoring and my belly that was like a tidal wave. I wake him up with some caresses and then go at 'it' for 10 minutes or so and then go back to sleep. It was a little 'thrilling' since there wasn't a door and someone could have walked past at anytime (and if it was Skater Boy I would have felt really bad).
The rest of my day was a little hard. At first I was queasy, I should have thrown up when I woke up, but I didn't. My 85 minute drive home was LONG. I had the windows down, music blasting and I was singing on the top of my lungs.
In 1999 I was 20, so I guess I can still party like it is 2000...since I was 'legal' then and I did have one crazy night where I kissed 3 guys in one night. I am happy to know I still have it in me, I just need the right people to bring it out. But no worries, this won't be a regular thing by any means, I don't have the stamina or the desire to drink that much or to be this sleep deprived.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Assume
Growing up my family taught me a trick to remember how to spell assume - If you assume - you make an ass (of) U & me.
Assuming is fairly natural I think, but it is really bad, and you DO make an ass out of yourself. For instance, I finally spoke to HSK. Turns out he was starting to 'feel bad' because he just wanted sex and well, I am such a nice, sweet person. So he stopped talking to me, but claims that he missed it because he said it was so good. I laughed. I was like....I never saw something long term with you either - and I was looking for someone to have sex with on a somewhat regular basis until I find someone else. He then also denied he said "I like you" but hey, whatever.
I thought it was funny that he would assume that not only that a 'nice sweet person' like me would not want something with no strings but that also he was so conceited to think that I wanted him and that he is a Hugh Hefner of his local town. HAHAHA.
I'd like to remind you that I was never attracted to him physically. I mean, he isn't ugly - but he sure isn't anywhere near eye candy - not even close. Second his personality where he thinks that he is God's gift to the world reminds me of "Doofy"...way too much so. I really hate that quality...and unfortunately I did fed it when I told him that I was unexpectedly surprised with his ability to be really talented in bed. Both Doofy & HSK aren't great looking - but they have that very social aspect and have such high self esteem that they end up with pretty girls, but from what I have seen with both of them...those girls need to be able to put up with a lot of shit. I couldn't be degraded constantly when everything is always revolving around them. But for some reason I am initially attracted to that kind of thing and it is probably because I feel like I need someone slightly more outgoing than me.
Since I wrote about fate last week - I'm going to tell you why I think fate brought us together again after 15 years:
1) to make me realize that I can feel really comfortable in the presence of someone and because of this having sex quickly was easy for me since I don't do it with strangers.
2) to help my self-esteem in the sex area. When your beau cheats on you - you wonder if it is because you are bad in bed. Add to that the bad sex I've had in the last 2 years...and well...I needed a boost. This was it.
3) to prepare me for the event that I date/marry someone with a [slightly] smaller than average penis. At least I know that sometimes smaller can work and I shouldn't rule someone out just because of it...unless maybe still it is the size of my pinkie...I don't think I can go teeny tiny. I am not embarrassed to admit that it was way more pleasurable than my past - and it is THAT feeling that is addicting and left me wanting more. I think this may be the most important reason fate brought us together; to prepare me for a smaller than average penis.
Assuming is fairly natural I think, but it is really bad, and you DO make an ass out of yourself. For instance, I finally spoke to HSK. Turns out he was starting to 'feel bad' because he just wanted sex and well, I am such a nice, sweet person. So he stopped talking to me, but claims that he missed it because he said it was so good. I laughed. I was like....I never saw something long term with you either - and I was looking for someone to have sex with on a somewhat regular basis until I find someone else. He then also denied he said "I like you" but hey, whatever.
I thought it was funny that he would assume that not only that a 'nice sweet person' like me would not want something with no strings but that also he was so conceited to think that I wanted him and that he is a Hugh Hefner of his local town. HAHAHA.
I'd like to remind you that I was never attracted to him physically. I mean, he isn't ugly - but he sure isn't anywhere near eye candy - not even close. Second his personality where he thinks that he is God's gift to the world reminds me of "Doofy"...way too much so. I really hate that quality...and unfortunately I did fed it when I told him that I was unexpectedly surprised with his ability to be really talented in bed. Both Doofy & HSK aren't great looking - but they have that very social aspect and have such high self esteem that they end up with pretty girls, but from what I have seen with both of them...those girls need to be able to put up with a lot of shit. I couldn't be degraded constantly when everything is always revolving around them. But for some reason I am initially attracted to that kind of thing and it is probably because I feel like I need someone slightly more outgoing than me.
Since I wrote about fate last week - I'm going to tell you why I think fate brought us together again after 15 years:
1) to make me realize that I can feel really comfortable in the presence of someone and because of this having sex quickly was easy for me since I don't do it with strangers.
2) to help my self-esteem in the sex area. When your beau cheats on you - you wonder if it is because you are bad in bed. Add to that the bad sex I've had in the last 2 years...and well...I needed a boost. This was it.
3) to prepare me for the event that I date/marry someone with a [slightly] smaller than average penis. At least I know that sometimes smaller can work and I shouldn't rule someone out just because of it...unless maybe still it is the size of my pinkie...I don't think I can go teeny tiny. I am not embarrassed to admit that it was way more pleasurable than my past - and it is THAT feeling that is addicting and left me wanting more. I think this may be the most important reason fate brought us together; to prepare me for a smaller than average penis.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
the outcome doesn't bother me - but the execution of it pisses me off!!
I don't understand the male logic.
How is it OK to snuggle and kiss a girl in front of your friends & tell her you like her; comment to your friends that she is excellent wife material and then a day later find excuses to not hang out.
How is telling/showing people you are hanging out with somone-- but then not.... but yet the friends think it is still going on or ask you questions.
How can you say you want to chill - but remind me that you don't have time...but yet you still make time for 'fun' which you admitted. [which as I remind you all, I am fully aware people make time for what they want - which is how I know people lie].
What kind of person does something like that? I am absolutely fine with the outcome since in all honesty - drama and crazy was written all over that...but it is the principle of it - the execution of how it was handled that really pisses me off. I was hoping for a spring/summer fling but clearly not with HSK.
I should have known better, I mean, what kind of person uses the word 'ridonkulous'?
Let's keep our fingers cross something better comes along.
How is it OK to snuggle and kiss a girl in front of your friends & tell her you like her; comment to your friends that she is excellent wife material and then a day later find excuses to not hang out.
How is telling/showing people you are hanging out with somone-- but then not.... but yet the friends think it is still going on or ask you questions.
How can you say you want to chill - but remind me that you don't have time...but yet you still make time for 'fun' which you admitted. [which as I remind you all, I am fully aware people make time for what they want - which is how I know people lie].
What kind of person does something like that? I am absolutely fine with the outcome since in all honesty - drama and crazy was written all over that...but it is the principle of it - the execution of how it was handled that really pisses me off. I was hoping for a spring/summer fling but clearly not with HSK.
I should have known better, I mean, what kind of person uses the word 'ridonkulous'?
Let's keep our fingers cross something better comes along.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Happiness Update
I don't know if many of you picked up on the fact that my posts have been a lot 'happier' lately. Crazy to think that just in September I wrote about happiness being over-rated. Unfortunately I was going through another really long tough depression, but again - thanks to my amazing life coach, Laura, I have really been working on fixing myself...and it doesn't hurt that I am having some of the most amazing sex ;) .
I have been seeing my life coach since July 2010 and meet with her once a month for a few hours. Yesterday's meeting made it nine months - nine months, it is like a new me has been born - actually it is the OLD me, the one from many many years ago. The one that smiles, laughs, jokes around, is sassy and sarcastic, talkative, the one that likes to go out, socialize and overall wakes up in a decent mood everyday. The ME that is so happy to be somewhat back to 'normal' if such a thing exists. So many people have noticed this huge change in my mood and it feels great.
Life coaching is about attaining goals (read from link above). I also read a lot about forgiveness and happiness which helped me gain insight into how others dealt with these issues. Some of my goals were not difficult and others are more time consuming and complex. While my goals may not have been achieved yet (goals are supposed to take time, otherwise it would just be a task) I am on my way there. I have really been working on doing things out of my comfort zone, trying to become more social and more secure in who I am. I even broke down my months to have small mini-goals like apply for a job once a week or go on a date one a month and I have been sticking with it so far. But these little things help with getting to the bigger goals. Once I am happier and more comfortable with myself, I will have an 'easier' time finding a husband or having more confidence when on an interview. And once I get an interview and feel good about it, then I'll have a new job that I like and more money so the tight money issue will go away and I can pay down my loans and move. See, it all will come together...eventually.
On top of the work I am doing myself, it helps to have outside reassurance. My parents have both commented on my fantastic mood lately and my father said I was radiating...and I had to ask if that was the same look as glowing (I don't have a bun in my oven! But since I am not careful at all...you never know) and to keep it up - whatever I was doing. During this same time something unexpected happened from the least likely of people at the least unlikely of times (when I think about moving to another state/country). I've really enjoyed hanging out with HSK even if it isn't on a regular basis and he tells me how sweet and chill I am and even though I know it, I am happy to hear someone else tell me that especially when SI might not have appreciated that?
Also, I lost ten pounds and hopefully I can loose another five within the next two months. This is also a huge boost since I can still wear some of the same clothes but they just look a lot better and I had to return a really cute strapless (did I tell you I never worn one of those before?) dress for a smaller size. My blood pressure is down to a normal level on a regular basis. Oh and the haircut just rounds it all off to a different me that I am a bit more comfortable with.
I have made a lot of progress with Laura and I am still going to continue to see her for a while. It is really nice having someone there to talk to about my goals and to help me along and motivate me to want more for myself. I am at a point right now where I WANT to change so much...but I don't know what to do or I am too scared to do it - but at least I am not so blah about it anymore. I have to change up my living situation and my job - two huge things at one time which as been a huge source of my insomnia lately. I really can't wait to sleep through the night.
I have been seeing my life coach since July 2010 and meet with her once a month for a few hours. Yesterday's meeting made it nine months - nine months, it is like a new me has been born - actually it is the OLD me, the one from many many years ago. The one that smiles, laughs, jokes around, is sassy and sarcastic, talkative, the one that likes to go out, socialize and overall wakes up in a decent mood everyday. The ME that is so happy to be somewhat back to 'normal' if such a thing exists. So many people have noticed this huge change in my mood and it feels great.
Life coaching is about attaining goals (read from link above). I also read a lot about forgiveness and happiness which helped me gain insight into how others dealt with these issues. Some of my goals were not difficult and others are more time consuming and complex. While my goals may not have been achieved yet (goals are supposed to take time, otherwise it would just be a task) I am on my way there. I have really been working on doing things out of my comfort zone, trying to become more social and more secure in who I am. I even broke down my months to have small mini-goals like apply for a job once a week or go on a date one a month and I have been sticking with it so far. But these little things help with getting to the bigger goals. Once I am happier and more comfortable with myself, I will have an 'easier' time finding a husband or having more confidence when on an interview. And once I get an interview and feel good about it, then I'll have a new job that I like and more money so the tight money issue will go away and I can pay down my loans and move. See, it all will come together...eventually.
On top of the work I am doing myself, it helps to have outside reassurance. My parents have both commented on my fantastic mood lately and my father said I was radiating...and I had to ask if that was the same look as glowing (I don't have a bun in my oven! But since I am not careful at all...you never know) and to keep it up - whatever I was doing. During this same time something unexpected happened from the least likely of people at the least unlikely of times (when I think about moving to another state/country). I've really enjoyed hanging out with HSK even if it isn't on a regular basis and he tells me how sweet and chill I am and even though I know it, I am happy to hear someone else tell me that especially when SI might not have appreciated that?
Also, I lost ten pounds and hopefully I can loose another five within the next two months. This is also a huge boost since I can still wear some of the same clothes but they just look a lot better and I had to return a really cute strapless (did I tell you I never worn one of those before?) dress for a smaller size. My blood pressure is down to a normal level on a regular basis. Oh and the haircut just rounds it all off to a different me that I am a bit more comfortable with.
I have made a lot of progress with Laura and I am still going to continue to see her for a while. It is really nice having someone there to talk to about my goals and to help me along and motivate me to want more for myself. I am at a point right now where I WANT to change so much...but I don't know what to do or I am too scared to do it - but at least I am not so blah about it anymore. I have to change up my living situation and my job - two huge things at one time which as been a huge source of my insomnia lately. I really can't wait to sleep through the night.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Buh-Bye Bank Boy
Yesterday the guy I know from high school texted me in the AM just to say Hi and maybe to find out if I was alive from my drive home last night. We continue to chat for a bit and wouldn't you know it, Bank Boy texts me asking to hang out with me this weekend. I am free Saturday night, but told him I didn't want to. Of course he expects that from me - but wanted more information, like was it just my mood this morning - maybe it would change by Saturday, that he assumed I'd want 'some', and that I would be free. So I tell him that I recently got 'some' and was content. He didn't like that....what guy would? So I had to provide more information, since he kept asking questions. I am not really comfortable talking to one guy about another that I enjoy better. I told him that although there is no commitment between me and the guy I know from high school, that I'd just prefer not to hook up with him since I was still feeling the happiness of the encounter. He finally got it...that I have a 'connection' as he put it to this other fella. I didn't elaborate, but I told him that at this time, I'd prefer if we didn't hook up.
Now mind you, I am a realist. I am willing to engage in adult activities with others...but it was a good time as any to get Bank Boy to back away. Getting together with him was more like a chore. I didn't really enjoy it and I would have to drink a lot to be willing to perform. After the guy I know from high school, I realize that casual sex (if that is what it is?) could be enjoyable sober.
Now mind you, I am a realist. I am willing to engage in adult activities with others...but it was a good time as any to get Bank Boy to back away. Getting together with him was more like a chore. I didn't really enjoy it and I would have to drink a lot to be willing to perform. After the guy I know from high school, I realize that casual sex (if that is what it is?) could be enjoyable sober.
Monday, March 14, 2011
It's a tie
It is official, I am going to surpass last year's sex drought. Last night I suceeded in tieing it up at #4 and it is only March - and I am quite confident that more is to come. I can't say I was surprised it happened last night. I invited myself over to the guy from High School's new place. I gave him his housewarming gift which he really liked and appriciated then we just hung out and ran some errands and got dinner. I wasn't expecting anything to happen since I am not sure how things like that work....where you hook up one time and not sure if you do it again? When we got back at 9 I should have left, but didn't and we had a glass of wine and went at it. Wow. I was kinda shocked with how great it was - and I was 98% sober.
Things are starting to get better even though all the pieces are falling apart a little, but overall I think I am on the right track to being happier. I spoke with my family over the weekend about selling my condo and I have an appointment tonight with one real estate agent. The family was super supportive and knew this was coming since I've been so unhappy with my building for a year or two. I've talked myself into realizing buying it isn't a regret - I needed to do it to help move on from SI, but now I want something else. I love my place, I love living alone, but I can have that same love for a new place....and that was confirmed even more when I went to HS friend's place and it was spacious and QUIET. I need someplace quieter and a place that can grow with me (like having a future husband move in or a child). I feel a lot more confident in this decision.
But then where to go? That part scares me a little since I will have so many choices. I'll stay with family for a little while, then maybe rent a super small apartment until I figure out what I want to do. Pay down my credit cards, save or go back to school, move closer to a new job - and starting thinking that a humanitarian job in a third world country might be what I need for a while. But then I also thinking staying near where I am would be great too or moving to Colorado or Washington DC.
I also paid the matchmaker...so I will have a meeting with them soon and hopefully have a date or two. Since HS friend works strange hours, is so busy, lives 50 minutes away, and even though we have a bit in common...I don't think he is looking for something serious right now. I am up for anything, but I'd really love to have somoene to spend my nights/weekends with so I am going to still move forward with this dating other people thing since I don't know where anything is going. Maybe it will be fun talking to a few people, so uncharacteristic like of me.
*Is my spell check not working? I can't imagine I got all the words correct!
Things are starting to get better even though all the pieces are falling apart a little, but overall I think I am on the right track to being happier. I spoke with my family over the weekend about selling my condo and I have an appointment tonight with one real estate agent. The family was super supportive and knew this was coming since I've been so unhappy with my building for a year or two. I've talked myself into realizing buying it isn't a regret - I needed to do it to help move on from SI, but now I want something else. I love my place, I love living alone, but I can have that same love for a new place....and that was confirmed even more when I went to HS friend's place and it was spacious and QUIET. I need someplace quieter and a place that can grow with me (like having a future husband move in or a child). I feel a lot more confident in this decision.
But then where to go? That part scares me a little since I will have so many choices. I'll stay with family for a little while, then maybe rent a super small apartment until I figure out what I want to do. Pay down my credit cards, save or go back to school, move closer to a new job - and starting thinking that a humanitarian job in a third world country might be what I need for a while. But then I also thinking staying near where I am would be great too or moving to Colorado or Washington DC.
I also paid the matchmaker...so I will have a meeting with them soon and hopefully have a date or two. Since HS friend works strange hours, is so busy, lives 50 minutes away, and even though we have a bit in common...I don't think he is looking for something serious right now. I am up for anything, but I'd really love to have somoene to spend my nights/weekends with so I am going to still move forward with this dating other people thing since I don't know where anything is going. Maybe it will be fun talking to a few people, so uncharacteristic like of me.
*Is my spell check not working? I can't imagine I got all the words correct!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Denise + Alcohol = Slut
Hi. My name is Denise, and I have a problem. See, when I drink too much, I tend to do stupid things. Let me give you some examples.
- In college my freshman year, I had such a crush on this kid Jackson. Oh my goodness was he cute in a surfer Abercombie & Fitch kind of way. Went out with some friends, over drank, puked a bunch in the bathroom...then came out saw him and went up to him told him I thought he was hot and we started talking and kissing. My friends LEFT ME THERE and I had no choice but to go home with him. We fooled around all night, but I didn't sleep with him...and I regret it to this day - and did the walk of shame back home that next morning.
- Late 2001 or early 2002 I went to a local bar and met this guy. Turns out he went to my HS but was a year older than me. He was also a cop - and we sorta just had a little in common that he drove me and my friend back to my place. I sent my friend inside and I totally went at it with this stranger in his car in my driveway. I did some things I didn't expect. We ended up dating a for like 3 months.
- In early 2002 I drank way to much with a friend at a bar. Things got kind of blurry that night, and I was kissing this guy a lot. Turns out...it was different guys, not the same one. Whoops. I was hungover for three days. I stopped drinking for 5 years after that since it scared me how much I threw up for days.
- In 2010 I was stood up by doofy, and since I already cooked my date dinner and made dessert, I opened called anyone to come over and eat the food. Bank Boy showed up. 3 bottles of wine later...you know what happened if you've read my blog at all. If not...catch up!
- In February of this year, again I drank a lot and ended up taking a high school friend home with me after at least two bottles of wine. It was very unexpected. but by far the best drunken hook up I've had.
- In Chicago this past weekend I was at a piano bar. I had already had 2 glasses of wine, 1 martini, a bottle of wine, and just converted to beer (probably had 5 beers there). That seems like a lot...but it was spread out over 6 hours, but yes, I was tipsy! So this guy makes eye contact with me, I smile because how can you not when you are singing along to music? Next thing I know he comes over. [side note: this is the FIRST TIME I was approached in a bar/out in YEARS and YEARS]. We chat, drink, start kissing. Next thing I know it is 2:40 AM and he wants to have sex. I was tempted...since well, I tend to do that when drinking that much...but I had to wake up at 6 AM for a flight so I decided against it. I have never had a one night stand and was very much tempted to do so. My co-worker was an amazing wing-woman and didn't even realize how horrible the last 3 hours of that night probably was for her - I felt really bad.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Is it 1994 again?
Monday night I had nothing planned - but as things just happen to work out, a friend (the boy who called me chill) was in NYC so we met up after work. Having told a blog friend about the view restaurant/bar in the Marriott Marquis Times Square (a rotating rooftop restaurant), then I was at that same hotel for a conference two weeks ago. So, I told this friend that we should go there. We got there in perfect opening time. We ordered a drink first, then a bottle of wine. The full rotation took an hour, and we had just finished our bottle of wine so we left to get something to eat. We ended up at a Thai restaurant that was good, and ordered another bottle of wine. Friend was very drunk, I was buzzed. No surprise I can hold my liquor! It was already 10pm and I knew I didn't sleep well the night before and I had blind date #2 scheduled for Tuesday. But things took a surprising turn and I ended up with this:
I haven't had one of these since 1994 when I was about 15. I called in sick to work and had a bit more fun today. The blind date cancelled, the boy who called me chill hung out a good part of the day and I dropped him off at the train around 2pm.
Monday, December 6, 2010
He called me Chill
I was out with an old high school friend. After not seeing someone for so many years, you never really know how to be. Of course, you are supposed to be yourself, and you are a version of that...however, you don't want to talk to much, you don't want to share to much, you tone it down. Or at least I do. I am a quieter version of me when I am with people I don't know so well or that I haven't seen in a long time.
I am also super relaxed and go with the flow. My personality makes me a leader in many ways...but when possible, I just want to enjoy the moment and not take the lead and make desisions all the time. Being relaxed and down to earth was actually a trait that both of my ex's loved about me and something I really don't think about since it is just who I am. I forget that some girls are so high maintenance, high energy, fake or whatever.
So I am hanging out with the friend. It goes well. We hang out again a few months later and it is better since some of that awkwardness is gone. And all of a sudden he is like, "Denise, you are so chill". It sounds funny and it sounds a little ghetto. But, I took it as a compliment.
I am also super relaxed and go with the flow. My personality makes me a leader in many ways...but when possible, I just want to enjoy the moment and not take the lead and make desisions all the time. Being relaxed and down to earth was actually a trait that both of my ex's loved about me and something I really don't think about since it is just who I am. I forget that some girls are so high maintenance, high energy, fake or whatever.
So I am hanging out with the friend. It goes well. We hang out again a few months later and it is better since some of that awkwardness is gone. And all of a sudden he is like, "Denise, you are so chill". It sounds funny and it sounds a little ghetto. But, I took it as a compliment.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Make new friends & keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold
Its been about 13 years since I graduated from high school. Once I went to college, I tried to keep in touch with 3 good friends. That of course didn't last long and we went our own ways. Out of the blue a friend contacted me to get together, of course I am used to saying sure and them not following through but this one did. I have to admit I was a little nervous - it is like hanging out with someone brand new, sure you HAD a connection when you were younger but everything changes and maybe you don't remember very much.
I had another engagement that evening - and told said friend they could met me there and we'd decide what to do. As I was telling my cousins about this - they assumed, like me, that this get together could be a date. My sister on the other hand - did not think so - but then again she is married and naive about singlehood. I had to try my best to make the evening not like a blind date (I say blind date because, what do you really know about someone after 13-14 years?). I downed two beers and just let the night happen.
I actually had such a fabulous night - we stayed there. I laughed so much and my friend chatted with my cousins & sister so well. I do not remember much about high school - but I know why I was friends with this kid, he is truly such a nice/warm person. I was the party pooper and couldn't keep my eyes open and just passed out on the couch around 1:30-2am. I think it it is safe to say we just hung out. As we were leaving at 2:30 - we did say we'd get together again...and I do think we will.
I had another engagement that evening - and told said friend they could met me there and we'd decide what to do. As I was telling my cousins about this - they assumed, like me, that this get together could be a date. My sister on the other hand - did not think so - but then again she is married and naive about singlehood. I had to try my best to make the evening not like a blind date (I say blind date because, what do you really know about someone after 13-14 years?). I downed two beers and just let the night happen.
I actually had such a fabulous night - we stayed there. I laughed so much and my friend chatted with my cousins & sister so well. I do not remember much about high school - but I know why I was friends with this kid, he is truly such a nice/warm person. I was the party pooper and couldn't keep my eyes open and just passed out on the couch around 1:30-2am. I think it it is safe to say we just hung out. As we were leaving at 2:30 - we did say we'd get together again...and I do think we will.
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