We all know that people aren't as they seem. Behind closed doors people who look happy might be miserable. So why should I have to constantly put up a front to hide my feelings? Is it to make other people feel better? Is it because my mood effects so many others? Don't get me wrong, I loved how I felt when I was happy. I hope that I could be again. Being unhappy is utterly miserable, but it is easier said than done to reverse that feeling. At times I would rather just give up and move away to start over than to actually deal with it. I know that is cowardly, but stewing in depression isn't helping either. Something needs to change, and I think it would be easier to walk away then to fix it.
I have not tried anti-depressants yet, but using chemical substances to make you less un-happy seems like it somewhat defeats the purpose as well. Even on anti-depressants, is one happy? I was so against taking medication four years ago that I refused to agree to it. I figured I had to work my way out by myself and not be dependant on a drug, and I hoped that in the long run, it would work so well that I would be fixed permanently. Four years later my depression spell seems to be worse than it has been in three years and I wonder if I made the wrong choice - that I should have tried those happy pills and have been done with it. The side effects can't be much worse than living in a fog, crying every other day, withdrawn feelings, un-motivation and of course lack of sex drive (also side effect from med).
Getting yourself out of a depression is hard. You know it is there. And you know you don't like it. But you don't want to do anything to fix it. You even know you deserve to be happy - but it seems like such a far fetched concept.
If you have been in similar situation, what has worked for you?