Sunday, September 19, 2010

Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life

:)  Well, I hope to do a lot in my life.  According to the lady that read my palm the other day, I will live a long life.  *Do they ever tell anyone that they have a short life?

Of course by now, you have seen my bucket list page with a bunch of things I want to do in the next 55years. I want to do a lot.  But I guess the biggest goal I have now, is finding/starting my own family.  Actually, this is not a new goal, I have always been a family oriented person.  I've been told I'd make a fabulous wife and mother.  And I thought I was down that path several years ago.  Instead, I have watched almost every one around me marry and start their families, while I have watched, in jealousy.  I've even seen some relationships end in that short time too and think - if I want it more than they did, why did they get it and not me? 

As jealous as I might be, I also know things happen when they are supposed to.  I consider my old relationship to be one like marriage, and for all intents & purposes, there was no real difference except a marriage certificate and the lack of an expensive party.  So, it is like I am divorced, but without that stigma.  Although, there have been times I think - it might be better to have that label because at least someone was able to love you enough even if they discarded you instead of being single and all the assumptions behinds the reason why someone can't love you.

So, now that I am moving on, I am sure I will find someone, eventually.  The good thing about me, having learned a lot in the last 12 years, is that there are some things I am no longer willing to be OK with because in the long run it won't get better.  I know it will take a while to find my future man, and I am realizing that is OK because it will be worth it. So, I'll be starting really late but there are worse things out there.  I'm happier that I can go between boyfriends with time to heal rather than man-jump and end up in relationships that aren't right. 

But what it boils down to is that I am a happier person in a relationship than not. And who doesn't want to be at least slightly happier?  I hope to get married and maybe have a child/ren.

1 comment:

  1. I just have to say. I have really enjoyed reading your blog. I love how honest you are with yourself. Its so refreshing.