Monday, November 26, 2012

One Year Financial Recovery Recap

I can't believe how fast this past year went.  I just celebrated my one year anniversary of my debt reduction process.

The past year went surprisingly smooth, and while sometimes I think I got nothing out of this and I yearn to move on with  my life...I have to look at where this year has taken me.

I don't believe I mentioned what my credit card debt was at this time last year (credit card #1   ~$8,000 (my online account doesn't go back this far, and my paper statements are in storage so this is just a guess), credit card #2  $4,495.80).  OK, so about $13,000 seems somewhat manageable.  I figured I'd pay off both credit cards by the summer, the latest.

What I didn't factor in is that I have a HUGE spending problem.  I keep buying things.  Sometimes it seems like I can go weeks without making a purchase, but then I soon overspend the following week.  I felt a lot more comfortable this year, and used my debit card a lot too.

My total payments to credit cards totaled $20,411.71 from November 2011 - November 2012.  That is a huge chunk of money.  To do this, I used almost every single 'extra' penny on payments, which included not going out as often (which helps when you don't have a lot of friends and a Man Friend who lost his job twice) and I tried to put a little extra towards my student loan and mortgage..but really it wasn't a lot at all in comparison to the credit cards.  My current balance for credit card #1 is a little less than $3,000, and unfortunately all the great deals this past week caused me to shop for myself.  I am also owed about $800 from a work reimbursement which will go directly towards that, and I may return some of the clothes I purchased.

Other financial things:

  • I never ended up refinancing the apartment
  • I didn't take a vacation or go away other than work trips.
  • But I did spend $ on some 'fun' things like zip-lining, ropes course, fire walking, Broadway shows, archery, new restaurants, clothes, happy hours, laser hair removal, etc.
  • I also spent money on dates & groceries on ManFriend since he lost his job twice this year and had no money.
  • I didn't upgrade my car (although I almost did this past week)
  • I increased my automatic deduction to my savings by $100 per paycheck as of September, but also made about $800 extra over the last few months
  • Still paying the mortgage, condo maintenance, and student loan each month
  • I went to a nutritionist for 3-4 months, that cost me $978.20
  • I also quit the scrapbooking hobby, effective in 4 days, that should save me at least $1,200 a year. But I also have about $2,800 in inventory I need to get rid of.
  • I am still debit carding groceries & gas
You would think, now that I finally did the math, how exciting it is to see that I used $20,411 and if I could save that much money in the next year, I would be in a great state...however, this is coming to an end it is time to start planning my next living step (and car if I am lucky).  

Somehow that $20,411 should also motivate me to stop spending money.  Cut back on my spending...but how do I do that?  I am addicted.  I keep trying to stop, I do.  But sales suck me in or the lack of wearable clothes in my vast closet, and gifts for others.  I am hoping to use it less, after the holidays and when the balance is nice and tiny again.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

deductible dismay

It is that time of year I need to send out some thanks.  Today I am thanking Obama...I just received notification that my health insurance deductible for 2013 is DOUBLING.

So, as a single person living in a top unaffordable area, I will now be required to pay out of pocket the first $3,000 deductible plus the $80+ per paycheck = somewhere about $5,000 before I get any health care costs covered.

Now sure, I realize with the HSA, I may not spend all that...and if I am lucky I won't need to go to the doctors too often, but it is insurance, and with insurance, you never know when you'll need it.  My sister this past year got very sick for 3 months and went through her family's $5,000 deductible very quickly. You just never know.

$5,000 is a lot of money for me to stash away or have to plan on paying just in case I need a CAT scan, decide to get pregnant, need my nose cauterized and even break a bone.

I have a decent job, and would be considered middle class...but how can it be middle class when credit cards are covering these costs and I am more in debt then the poor people.  That is right...I am NEGATIVE money.  They just have very little.  I am more poor then them, and yet, I am not getting any/enough help from the government. 


Monday, November 19, 2012

One Year of ManFriend

Today marks the one year anniversary of ManFriend & my first dinner.  We weren't sure what it was at the time, which made it hard to define what was to come. At one point he said 'maybe one day we'd look back on this day as the start of a relationship'. 

Fast forward a year, I don't know if I'd call what we have a relationship, but dinner that night did lead to something.  Sure, I had hoped I'd be in a real relationship by now...I mentioned that to ManFriend that first night and again on New Year's when we were talking about our resolutions.  So, I didn't quite fulfil this resolution or goal...but it has gotten me back into the mode of sorta trusting someone, having someone to hang out with, having regular sex, and being incredibly frustrated by men. 

A facebook friend posted that she just celebrated her one year anniversary with her boyfriend and I realized what a sham my one year was in comparison to hers.  Sure, you aren't supposed to compare your life with others - but let's take a look, you know, for fun.

Her - in one year, she dated this young fella, met his family, met friends, spent holidays/family gatherings together, had real dates/outings, gave/received gifts, went on trips, said she loved him, and moved in with him.

Me - in one year...ManFriend met one brother-in-law...I am struggling for something else.  Hmm, had about 10 dates (including Yankee games, 2 movies, and Mohegan Sun Casino) and 3 'sleep overs'.

Wow, I think I just realized how lame the last year has been. I know I thought so, but it is even more sad reading what I typed.

I need to end this asap.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Boost to self esteem

As I’ve mentioned, spending the last few days with mostly men, has been quite a boost to my self-esteem.  Three nights ago, about 4 of my coworkers were flirting with me or stated something along the lines of me being attractive.  One went so far to say he was astonished that not only was I single but that I have the hardest time meeting men; he couldn’t believe it. 

Hell, even I can’t believe it.   Many of the pretty girls become trophy wives, the next level of pretty women have nice looking husbands. The unattractive women still find husbands, and the average woman seems to be torn between dating/marrying their high school/college boyfriends or have a slightly harder time – but eventually they do.

Will I be the outlier?  Will I spend the rest of my life solo which I thought about after the damage SI inflicted on me?  Why do men claim to be surprised I am single but yet don’t offer advice or a blind date?  I understand not getting involved with a coworker, believe me I struggled very hard with the morals of dating/fooling around with someone this year that may have been inappropriate, so with a co-worker it would be even more difficult and the wrong person at work could affect my job, which I need.
It was good practice; flirting with men and hearing some compliments…I am looking forward to the opportunity to try it again.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Coworker Withdrawal

I spent the last four nights with the same people and I was even starting to look forward to our dinner and/or drinks afterwards.  I think it was mostly due to me being more comfortable with them and loosing up a bit and becoming more ‘fun’ again. 

Most people departed the day before me, and while I still had one good friend to have dinner with, part of me missed the other people I had socialized with.  I had to consider was it because the travel and being amongst these people all the time, was I sad to see my ‘social life’ end since I was soon returning home to less eventual evenings, or was I developing a few crushes?

Sunday, November 11, 2012

k is not my future husband

I have always been more comfortable with guys then women.  In high school I was friendlier with more men, and in my second college, I don’t think I made one women friend – just a few good guy friends.  It is funny, actually now that I am thinking about it.  I am more comfortable with guys, we get along great, and yet, none of them are interested in me.  Hmm, I think I need to think about this a bit more.

Anyway, so my female co-worker was busier than me so I hung out with the finance guys almost every  night.  The new guy K (from the last post) and I talked a bit more – I realized he was a bit arrogant – but part of me finds that both slightly attractive and not attractive all at once.  I like a man that is confident – but the whole I am better than all you guys thing- I find that unattractive.  It turns out K has a girlfriend, and while we didn’t flirt, we still continued to chat with each other through the day/at functions – him mostly because he didn’t know to many people, and me because he was a better choice than other people I know. 

On our second to last night hanging out a few of us go to a sports bar, a restaurant, the hotel bar, a club/concert, and another bar.  The opportunity for alcohol consumption was significant and K gets loaded.  At the bar, he starts to flirt with me a little, even though there are a few other women around, I don’t pursue it, but I noticed it.  As we were leaving the bar heading back to the hotel, he can barely walk and begins to slur.  At the hotel, somehow we end up at the bar for another drink, and he is the most drunk I’ve seen a man in a long time.  All of a sudden, he begins making out with my neck.  You can not reason with a drunk person, so I tell him it was time for bed, and I lead him away.  We get to his floor and he can’t find his room, so I call the lobby for help. I get him to his room and he attacks my neck again.  I absolutely love a man that kisses my neck, and if I get the goose bumps, even better – score for the man.  As I am pegged to the wall by this slender but surprisingly strong man, he kisses me.  I am really not into sleeping with an unavailable man so I whisper to him that it feels great but that I have to wake up in 3 hours – I couldn’t tell him I didn’t think he was 1) capable of having sex 2) capable of staying awake or 3) that he shouldn’t cheat on his girlfriend. 

However, part of me was a little flattered, sure it took a little bit of beer goggles, but in the end he wanted me. 

Saturday, November 10, 2012

the meeting of my future husband?

Tonight I was meeting up with a co-worker whose name begins with D.  Since this gentleman is married, he invited a few other people from his department to have dinner with us – which was nice because I was able to meet/talk to other people I don’t normally talk to on a regular basis.  When we all met up in the lobby, I knew 2 of the 3 gentleman.  The third guy apparently I met in the hallway of one of our offices just 4 days before, but the really bad with names/faces thing kicked in and I didn’t remember, however he did.  His name begins with K.

Now do you remember back to my psychic reading? She said I would meet my next person (who I am hoping next person is the husband) when I am with a D and maybe 2-3 other people.  His name would begin with a S, J or K.

Of course, the hopeful person that I am, the wheels in my brain are starting to turn.  Could this K guy be the guy?  The good thing going for him is he was attractive.  The bad thing going for him (for me, many others would love it) is that his waist must be a 24, he is thin…and my waist is like a 30-31 with nice wide hips and a slight hourglass figure.  I never thought I would date someone who was more slender than me.  Maybe this person would help me get into shape and my insecurity would go away.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

hurricane will help the economy

The hurricane last week will help the economy...and Obama will get credit for it, when in fact, it was mother nature that caused so much damage that people will be hiring like crazy and spending money to fix their homes / business and rebuilding tourist areas.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


Hey, I finally got Internet be sure to read the last 7 posts or so that I wrote - they are posted on the day that I wrote them on - so it wouldn't be so many posts on today.

I haven't seen any news or pictures from the storm, but I heard it was complete devastation in New Jersey, Staten Island and parts of Long Island.

I hope you are all safe.

On a side note, can I bitch about how bad of drivers people are?  Having stop signs at big intersections those lights lost power - proved to be very difficult in my town.  People really need to brush up on the road rules and right of ways.  I think we need to  have mandatory road testing every 5 or 10 years...and actually, you know FAIL people. 

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Allowed to cry?

I am an adult, am I still allowed to cry when I am overwhelmed, frustrated, sad or hurt?  Should I be embarrassed about it or seek alone space to do it?  In the past, I normally cried when I was sad or because I was hurt so much and I just cried and cried and cried.  I am over that, but lately, I am so disappointed in my life, and tears just surface within the eye. 

I look at some married couples and think about what a horrible relationship they have…yet, all I can think about is my future spouse.  I hate being so alone and I cannot find happiness and contentment until I have that person.  I know that sounds so stupid, but this past week has been a test, which I failed miserably.  I really enjoyed having the place to myself for a week – with the parents on vacation, I got the feel of what it would be to live alone again, and I enjoyed it.  But at the same time, all I wanted was to spend time with that friend – to spend a night with someone.  Granted, even if the parents were around, I would seek that out at his place but because I had the place to myself…I wanted it more often.

So, here I am on day 8 of this break from work and technology – and realized that I’ve shed tears at least three or four days of the eight. That is really bad.

I wonder if I will ever find what I am looking for.  And if not, how will I pass my time?

For those of you that are single or loners – how do you pass your evenings or weekends alone?  How do you find contentment in solitude?  How do you make friends?   

I am certainly not an outgoing overly happy person. I do not go to bars alone or looking for one night stand.   I enjoy my quiet alone time, but at the same time, I need a little companionship.

Resentment of ManFriend?

ManFriend and I had lunch yesterday and I hooked him up with gas.  I thought things were starting to maybe turn around again.  When I went to the grocery store, I picked a few things up for him – probably $40 worth of groceries.  And at 3:30 I invited him out to dinner…but as 7:00 rolls around I asked if I was eating alone. He never answered, but he didn’t say yes, so I ate with my parents.  Tonight is my last weekend night before heading back to work, I kind of hoped to get out of the house, spend time with someone other than helping someone.
I put myself in these positions. I am so good to the few friends I have. I help them and bend over backwards.  But yet, as ManFriend’s power came back on and with it his cable – I kind of thought maybe he’d invite me over so I can watch the news or something – since I haven’t watched TV since Monday…but nope.  Of course there are other examples of how I constantly feel disappointed - some of which I mentioned the other day.

Am I started to resent ManFriend?  I know he is dirt poor right now, and the nice person I am, I want to help, so I do.  When we go out to eat or get drinks, 90% of the time I get the bill.  I make him food or drop off groceries.  He asked for more…yet never defined what ‘more’ entailed.  He is seeing me less, we don’t ‘hang out’, and can’t have sex twice in a night. 

Why am I still interested?

Thursday, November 1, 2012


Remember my post about having a sh*t day?  At the end of the post, I said I needed a break.  Well, the universe responded to me and brought Hurricane Sandy my way.  Instead of worrying about taking a vacation alone, or where to go, I ended up at stranded alone at home – having 4 days off from work, or a 6 day weekend. {actually it turned out to be a full week off} 
Normally under these circumstances I would have worked from home, I even brought the laptop home in preparation, but unfortunately our building lost power and with that our computer system and telephone system went down.  So, I am not even working from home.

This might sound wonderful, but the truth is, it took a while before I could enjoy myself.   The first day I was obsessed with watching the news and what might come my way.  The second day I ventured out to see some damage and waited to hear about how bad the damage was…but that was hard without cable/internet. I did a little yard work, watched a movie, did three loads of laundry and then finally I took out a puzzle and drank a bottle of wine, alone.  Day three rolls around and I finally get my groove.  I went for a walk at 7am, scrapbooked for 5 hours, ate a lot, more yard work, switched over my closet and watched a few movies.  Day four is going to be challenging…what else can I do? 
In normal circumstances, when you know you will be off for a week, you plan things.  But because everything was up in the air, this was not possible. 

Many people complain when things like this happen…but I consider myself really lucky – considering how bad it was, my town and surrounding areas really lucked out.  I am very fortunate and feel horrible for all the people who lost so much – please don’t think I am cold because I am making light of this. 

Anyway, I’ve really enjoyed being disconnected from the world.  I mean, yes I am curious how bad it got out there…from what I’ve heard around town, it is devastating.  But I am really enjoying not checking facebook, not wasting time on the Internet, having the phone ring a lot, etc. I know deep down I am a simple person…I could go days/weeks without this technology. I think people are overall happier – and we start talking to our neighbors – imagine that.  I am really enjoying it.  It will be hard to get back into the groove next week.
Now if only the universe will work on getting me that husband.