Saturday, November 3, 2012

Allowed to cry?

I am an adult, am I still allowed to cry when I am overwhelmed, frustrated, sad or hurt?  Should I be embarrassed about it or seek alone space to do it?  In the past, I normally cried when I was sad or because I was hurt so much and I just cried and cried and cried.  I am over that, but lately, I am so disappointed in my life, and tears just surface within the eye. 

I look at some married couples and think about what a horrible relationship they have…yet, all I can think about is my future spouse.  I hate being so alone and I cannot find happiness and contentment until I have that person.  I know that sounds so stupid, but this past week has been a test, which I failed miserably.  I really enjoyed having the place to myself for a week – with the parents on vacation, I got the feel of what it would be to live alone again, and I enjoyed it.  But at the same time, all I wanted was to spend time with that friend – to spend a night with someone.  Granted, even if the parents were around, I would seek that out at his place but because I had the place to myself…I wanted it more often.

So, here I am on day 8 of this break from work and technology – and realized that I’ve shed tears at least three or four days of the eight. That is really bad.

I wonder if I will ever find what I am looking for.  And if not, how will I pass my time?

For those of you that are single or loners – how do you pass your evenings or weekends alone?  How do you find contentment in solitude?  How do you make friends?   

I am certainly not an outgoing overly happy person. I do not go to bars alone or looking for one night stand.   I enjoy my quiet alone time, but at the same time, I need a little companionship.

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