Well, this is no secret. I need to forgive myself for believing in someone for too long, and putting my life on hold while they figured it out - to later realize it won't ever work out. I gave SI the opportunity to 'fix' his life, to take the time to do what he needed, while I waited for him to come back. I was so sure that things would go in my favor and work out. Maybe I was too understanding of the whole mess. I ended up wasting precious time - the time of our lives that is supposed to be the best, but it hasn't. Not at all. I think about where I am in my life, and I get upset and it all stems from this. I need to forgive myself for making the decision that his life was, I don't know, more important than mine - or whatever that I allowed him to carry on his life, while I was miserable. waiting. If it worked out in my favor, maybe I'd be ecstatic and think it was the best decision...but I guess it was a gamble, that I lost.
The good news is that in the last 2 weeks (from the 4 year un-anniversary) I have gotten 'better' and I think I am starting to forgive myself. :) woo-who.