Friday, September 17, 2010

Day 03 - Something I have to forgive myself for

Well, this is no secret.  I need to forgive myself for believing in someone for too long, and putting my life on hold while they figured it out - to later realize it won't ever work out.  I gave SI the opportunity to 'fix' his life, to take the time to do what he needed, while I waited for him to come back.  I was so sure that things would go in my favor and work out.  Maybe I was too understanding of the whole mess.  I ended up wasting precious time - the time of our lives that is supposed to be the best, but it hasn't.  Not at all.  I think about where I am in my life, and I get upset and it all stems from this.  I need to forgive myself for making the decision that his life was, I don't know, more important than mine - or whatever that I allowed him to carry on his life, while I was miserable. waiting.  If it worked out in my favor, maybe I'd be ecstatic and think it was the best decision...but I guess it was a gamble, that I lost.

The good news is that in the last 2 weeks (from the 4 year un-anniversary) I have gotten 'better' and I think I am starting to forgive myself.  :) woo-who.

2 comments:

  1. Good for you! I think I am the hardest person for me to forgive, and since giving myself space isn't really an option, I have to see myself all the time and think about what I'm guilty of (Note: why I probably can't sleep).

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  2. woohoo!

    Forgiving yourself is a huge hurdle! Way to be on track!

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