War Horse & Jersey Boys

Broadway had it's annual 50% off tickets so I decided that this year I was actually going to see a show.  I sent out a notification and I was surprised that a few of my friends actually emailed me back that they too were interested so I ended up booking two shows:  War Horse and Jersey Boys.

War Horse - Picture by Paul Kolnik

I saw War Horse first with my friend from work.  I didn't really know much about the plot except from what I was able to deduct from the title.  A few people told me that it was fantastic but sad.  I went into it preparing for the worst and told my new friend I'd probably cry and brought a bunch of tissues. I was immediately drawn into the story and was amazed at how they portray the war on a small stage and the look of the horse - was simply amazing.  Surprisingly I did not cry.

War Horse it is playing at Lincoln Center.  We sat in the last row on the side of the orchestra seats (for $78.38) and I thought the view was good...but the people all the way at the far end of the audience had a hard time seeing some of the things happening on the stage since the stage was something like a circle but half enclosed.  The 'clientle' at the Lincoln Center are people that seemed to be a lot more respectful than what you would normally see at a show.  I really enjoyed this drama - not just because of the story line, but add to that what I've mentioned about HOW they acted out the story. 

Jersey Boys - Photo from website

Next up was a musical, Jersey Boys.  It was nice to see an upbeat show after last week.  I knew some of the Four Season's songs, I grew up listening to my parent's music but I didn't know the back story. 

I found the show quite entertaining (and informative).  It was great how they were able to add a few of those one-liners in there to make us chuckle mixed in with their songs.  I thought the simple set worked well for this play because it was more the story and not the set. 

Jersey Boys is playing at the August Wilson Theater on 52nd street.  We sat in the very last row of the mezzanine ($58.38), but I have to say that we were able to see the stage really well (and again, it helped that the stage settings were simple).  My biggest complaint, and huge distraction, is the inconsiderate people that were there.  Since I sat in the last row, I had good views of the audience.  Three rows ahead, a guy decides to video every single song in the second act, and take pictures throughout.  Mind you they tell you at the beginning to turn them off or put them away and that picture/video is prohibited.  OK, so you want to take ONE picture? I'll get over it.  But seriously for an hour I have to see that bright bluish light?  It was very distracting.  I am not sure where the 'security' people were to enforce this.  A few times I saw them by the stairs watching the show but the rest of the time? 

Same Name

I am not sure if I can date someone with the same name as my exes.  Unfortunately they are very common names so the odds of meeting new people with those names are quite high.

I never really thought about it until about 4 years ago when, after I moved back home - that my first new friend, Michelle, was married to someone.  She re-became a huge slut and then dated/got knocked up by someone with the same name as her ex-husband. 

I remember thinking I am not sure if I could do that, especially within a matter of a few months after the breakup.  Wouldn't every time you say his name or refer to him...you think if even just a little bit - of your ex?  That would be the last thing I wanted [especially] during that recovery period.

Names stick.  Not just exes, but even people you don't like.  I am sure many of you when considering baby names have discarded a name because you knew someone with that name. Why?  Was it because you didn't like someone with that name?  or maybe because that name reminded you of a time in your life that you would not like to revisit?   I am sure there are a few reasons for your decision.

So what would I do if this same name issue is something I'd actually have to think about?  I'd like to say that it wouldn't be a problem. But I feel like I should reserve those two names for my exes.  They will always be a part of me and I will always remember them (god help me if during my Alzheimer's I have to live with their shadows!) so I'd like to be able to say SI or Cop#1's name and someone know who I am talking about without having to say a last name or explain who they were, or come up with some horrible nickname like Cop#1.

I've been on a few dates with people with the same names but it didn't get past the first date, so it hasn't been an issue yet.  If I have to consider this same name - I will let you know what I decide.

Perfect day

Today was my favorite kind of day. It was sunny with a cool breeze almost to the point where a thin long sleeve shirt or light jacket would be acceptable.  The air was perfect; I don't think there was an ounce of humidity in the air - which means it was a perfect hair day.

I am looking forward to the upcoming pre-autumn and autumn days.  I think overall my mood is better and I am happy about the lack of sweat and humidity making my appearance better.

The ManFriend Curveball

I ran into ManFriend at the library on Saturday.  We chatted for about 5 minutes; it was a little awkward, and I am not sure why.

On Sunday ManFriend texted me asking if I was free in the evening so we could 'hang out'.  With nothing else going on, I agreed.  Although I am hesitant to keep going over - I don't want to get rusty.

I go over, and he was still a little drunk from the football game.  I like chatty/drunk ManFriend - he talks so much more (granted most of the time he repeats things).  So as we snuggling and kissing, he tells me that seeing me the day before really hit him and he wants more.  He wants to take me away and he wants me to sleep over more often because he really likes that, and he wants to know more about me.  He said we've had a lot of ups and downs and he wants some of that awkwardness to go away.  He is not sure why sometimes we talk more and other times not...and that he is giving what he is getting...and I told him he has been in complete control of our 'progress' because he kept pushing me away, so I was only giving him what he seemed to want.  A vicious cycle. 

Then he asked me how I felt about all of this.  I smiled and was hesitant...how did I feel?  I mean, at this point, I feel nothing.  I could have felt more months ago (December - April/May) but then he pushed me so far away at kept me at this safe distance where I completely withdrew.  I had to. I couldn't develop feelings for him and then get hurt.  But I was definitely at the stage during that time where I could have easily liked him.  We have this weird pull, he even commented on it, that keeps us coming back for more - and was instantaneous from the first second I met him...I knew there would be something between us.

I distracted him from the conversation with kissing.  When we were more intimate later he kept telling me how much he loves it. I think he even called me love (but I ignored it since he was the sex talking).

So I really didn't answer him.  I want a relationship, a real one.  But at this point...is it too late?  Probably not...but if I dated him, am I settling?  I really enjoy hanging out with him, but if I do it more frequently, will he still be interesting?  I have always worried that I'd be bored in a relationship with him.  Add to that, I am attracted to him, but his stamina is a bit low.  I think if I am asking myself these questions that it is telling me not to date him. But maybe I am just scared of two things 1) a relationship  or 2) will dating him until I meet my fh not hinder me from meeting my fh  or maybe even 3) will our 'relationship' really change at all? We've been doing this since December - 10 months.

Thank goodness I have an insanely busy week, so I can hold off and think a little more.

A few of my FAVORITE things, part 5

 

Chicken Vegetable Pizza

Last weekend I splurged on a pizza...chicken vegetable.  I ordered the medium pie knowing I would eventually eat it all.  The pizza dough was delicious (there is no sauce) and was topped with chicken, broccoli, spinach, tomatoes, and cheese. 

I am not a huge fan of tomatoes, but it works really well on this pizza because the juice from the tomato really adds a sufficient flavor without making it overbearingly tomatoey taking away from the other ingredients - like sauce would have done.   I ate a few slices cold the next morning and warmed up the remaining slices at lunch.

$8 - $19 depending on size 
Harrison Pizza  you can even order online!

Dairy Bars
I tried this delicious treat for the first time at the local carnival, and it soon became a favorite.  I've only had the coconut and pistachio so far because they are just so delicious that I crave them...but there are tons of other flavors (and other products).

Oh, best part?  These pops are only $2.50 each!
Paleteria Fernandez




Sephora Cream Lip Stain
I've had a really hard time finding lip color that I not only like, but that stays on and that does not dry out my lips. 

I happened to be in Sephora to claim my birthday gift and I found this lip stain.  I love it.  I can't wait to go back and maybe even try another color, although I love this one (#5 Infinite Rose).

$12
Sephora

Neutrogena Sun Screen
I really like the Hawaiian tropic sunscreen - but only at the beach because it smells like coconut. 

On days when I am going to a little league game or just spending time outside, I don't want to smell beach delicious.  My cousin told me she used the Neutrogena sunscreen and really liked it, so I had to try it. I too loved it.  It goes on nice and smooth, does not smell, and dries really quick without making you feel sticky.

Prices vary
Neutrogena

Debt Progress

I haven't posted about my personal financial goals since the beginning of February.  In December I purchased Quicken, I spent a ton of time inputting every penny into the program so come January - it would start a nice trend/summary and give me great insight into my spending and paying off debt - and to constantly see all my balances right there...it was near impossible to forget my goals.

I was off to a slow start, but I kept putting $1,000+ towards the credit cards each month, but I was also still spending so my balances weren't decreasing as quickly as it should have been.

In April I started a new job and spoke to a financial advisor who confirmed my plan was a good one. 

But in late April, my laptop died. I did not backup my quicken data.  The 5 months of financial data I spent hours on, all gone.  Because of this I felt so out of the loop. There was a month I couldn't remember if I paid my bills, so I double paid, which would be good, if it didn't leave me in a bad situation the next month when I was short on cash.  I went to staples and purchased a budget ledger so I could hand write all my expenses - but this proved more difficult for me because I would forget to record charges, I had piles of receipts to enter...I missed Quicken.

When my laptop was rebuild in late August one of the first things I did was to install Quicken and try to get back on track.  Unfortunately it only synced with up to 3 months for some accounts...but at least I can see my balances again.

So here it is:

• One credit card I paid off in August 
• The second card is about $1,500 away, but I keep using it, and will soon be registering for some continuing education classes, which will run about $800 each...so back up to $3,000+
• I've only been paying the minimum amounts for the student loan and the mortgage
• The mortgage - I haven't refinanced still...not knowing what I am going to do with my apartment: continuing to rent, sell, move back in?  I didn't want to waste the closing costs on something that wouldn't pay off. 
• Savings: I increased my automatic deduction by $40 per paycheck, not enough since I am still a LONG way away from having a minimum of 3-5 months expenses saved up.  Now that my credit card balances are much lower, I will increase the savings a little more and put some of that 'extra' money from credit card 1 towards the mortgage/student loans.
• My car is old.  Although it has a lot of problems (windows and doors get stuck, can only open the doors from the drivers side front door, etc) it gets me where I need to go and I don't use it a ton during the week.  I am glad I haven't purchased/leased another car yet.  However, I had to buy a battery a few months ago, then the car was leaking from a clogged up pipe-  easy, cheap fix....but it took me 2 months to get it repaired and the car smelled for a while.  Then just this morning, my car doesn't start again...another dead battery.  I hope it keeps running for a few more months, I don't want to waste money on something else yet.
• I have also been more social in the last few months, so I've spent some money on "fun"...dinners, drinks, Broadway shows, ziplining, etc.  I justify this because we all need a little fun.  I can't sit at home all day, every day, even if I am a bit of a homebody.
• I have spent a bit of money on a nutritionist too...not the wisest choice, but in the long run, health is more important, right? I've been meaning to blog about this experience. 
• Job: the commute is the same, the standard increases every few years.  However, I have revamped my wardrobe a bit in the last several months.
• I have been trying to be better about using cash/debit card more.  I haven't charged groceries/gas in a long time.  If I go out to eat, I try to debit card it, provided I know there is money in my checking account. 

Through the years

Sometimes I glance at myself in the mirror and think...I barely recognize myself.  For the most part, I haven't changed too much - usually just long/short and curly/straight hair.  But there is always something more that you see that others really don't.  The shape of my eyebrows, the new wrinkle, the evenness of the skin tone, the smile, etc. I sometimes think I am starting to get all whethered looking.  Other times I think I look old/ugly but then look back at pictures and think, if only I looked like that now!

I love my sisters, but sometimes I feel bad for their husbands...the sisters don't put much effort into what they wear or look like.  If SI did anything for me - it was to tell me that it is important to want to look good for your significant other. I hope to go into any future relationships remembering how important it is...not just so I feel better about myself - but that my other stays somewhat attracted to me.

With my birthday passing, I thought it might be fun to show little snapshots of me over the last few years.  Maybe you can see how much/little I've changed.  I think I am getting better with age - but I always thought there was something fantastic about the 30s, so I shouldn't be too surprised.  The real test will be what happens after 39.

July 2012

November 2011

 



 

October 2010

March 2009

 

    

June 2008

March 2007

February 2006

        



 

September 2005

October 2004

December 2003

what not to wear

Sometimes I spend too much time trying to figure out what to wear, a natural problem when you have a big closet stuffed with clothes...some that fit, others that do not.

After I make a selection, I always look in the mirror before I head out although I might not love what I am wearing, at least it covers some of my problem areas.

I was walking behind this lady last week. I give her credit, she looks put together: heels (I don't commute in heels!), skirt, matching top. The outfit isn't bad.  But what shocked me is that she thought she looked OK in this.  The shirt is about two sizes too small and I think the skirt length is a tad bit short for work.

As I pass this lady, I looked at her face, and she was between 50-60.
I might be more conservative, in a sad way since I am young...but I wonder why I feel like I can't wear things in public when clearly others don't have this issue.

Birthday

I was ecstatic that my birthday happened to fall on a weekend day this year, which worked out great because I don't get vacation time yet, and I refuse to work on my birthday (well, that was mostly because I didn't want to be annoyed on my birthday; which was guaranteed with my last job - this job, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad).

So here is a snapshot of highlights from my birthday.

The day before my supervisor gave me a card signed by him and a few people in my sort of department...it was really touching because I didn't know they knew it was my birthday. 

I happened to be awake at midnight, and my sisters were with me - and wished me a happy birthday - and moments later I got a huge hive...I guess my body was not happy about turning 33.  Unfortunately I only got about 5 1/2 hours of sleep - but I woke up happy.

Breakfast in bed, watching Sponge Bob (I hate that show)

Then I went to a sex-shop to get a gift.
Following that I had lunch at a yacht club with my friend.  It was my first time I've been to a private club like that, and I really enjoyed it.  Truth is, I always wanted to belong to one...and maybe I will if I find someone that can afford it and wants to have that kind of lifestyle.  My friend and I split a salad and a lobster roll.  My view was relaxing and beautiful - it was a clear day so I was able to see the NYC skyline.

After lunch I milled around for about 90 minutes, then I boarded the train for the city for a bachelorette party.  I had a drink on a rooftop bar, then rode in a limo to our next destination, the drag show.  I've always wanted to see the drag show...but it was a little less than what I had hoped.  Don't get me wrong, I was hysterical laughing for a little while...but I felt like it fell short with the entertainment.  Glad I did it once.

Next was Johnny Utah's for drinks and bull rides.  I didn't think I'd ride the bull, but we got there early enough where I could do it somewhat anonymously (as in not that many people would see me).  I went up to the bull and mounted him quite quickly compared to the other ladies before me.  The bull conductor was really nice and went sort of slow and I told him when I was done because I didn't want to fall off. 

all the pictures of me on the bull were blurry :(

Then I headed home so I could sleep in my own bed.

It was the first birthday in about 7 years that I didn't cry on my birthday, so it made the day even better.

Whose that lady?

This is what I look like these days.



Disconnected

A friend was honest with me and told she felt disconnected from her husband.

I didn't want to pry but I asked questions to try and help her figure this all out.  One might not want to get divorced, but the only alternative is to communicate and work through the disconnect.

Even though I expected the answers to reflect this time, when I asked about the past I was shocked I didn't hear more certainty. 

Let me reiterate I am certainly no expert in this area for two reasons, 1) I do not have a degree or formal experience and 2) I am single, never married and lost the first man I loved to another woman. 

But when I asked, were you ever happy or just content, I expected happy and examples.  What I was told was an 'maybe for a little while".  When I asked about lighting up when the man walked into the room or butterflies in the stomach at the beginning at least, I didn't get a yes.  When I asked about thinking about loosing this man, would you cry- I didn't get a response. I won't even say how bad their lovelife is.

Who can live with less than contentment?  Especially when there are no children involved?  I understand people don't want to divorce and sometimes it is because fear of being alone and fear or figuring out how to survive financially, and dating, and having that stigma of divorce.  But staying together essentially as roommates when you are young seems silly.

So I thought about my friends responses, and I felt horrible because as I was asking them, I knew why I asked those selected questions.  I thought back to SI, and I 100% without a doubt had butterflies for months into our relationship, I thought I was so lucky to be with him, I lit up frequently when I'd get home from work or after not seeing him, when I'd pass an accident on the highway, I'd cry thinking if that was SI I would be devastated.  I couldn't keep my hands off him, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.  Those are signs I was in head over heels in love with that man, which is why it took me forever to get over him.

Everyone should feel that kind of happiness and bliss.

I've been on both sides.  Being single is not easy - and I don't think too many people can do it well which is why they stay in relationships where they are less than content. I want to see people stay together, but if you aren't willing to put effort in, it won't magically happen.

I don't think I have a fairytale idea about love, I have been very selective of my men, and I will not settle for contentment.

Surprise

Do you like surprises?  I am generally not a fan.  Maybe it is because I can't guarantee I can pull off that happy or excited look.

This morning I had the rare opportunity to log into my email from a computer, and as my luck would have it, my mouse happened to be over an email from an ex and I see the picture of him with a burp cloth over his shoulder.

First let me say I am not too surprised by this revelation, as I have said a few times on here I assumed he had a child/children.  This only confirms my assumption.

What I don't know (and I have no doubt I  could find out if I needed to know, which I do not, I have zero desire to know) is who is the baby mamma. Is it the mistress or someone new?  Has he fathered children with different women (this would be my preference for several reasons), and does he like being a dad?  When I knew him, he knew nothing about children it was scary...but like everything else learn as you go.

I am sure his relationship will be strained a little during parenthood because he was so opinionated and stubborn that at times I was uncomfortable around him. I hope he found someone as crazy as he is, and then it would be a moot point.

Best of luck to you.

It is a little ironic that the one man who was willing to compromise on having one child with me because I wanted several, has child/children before me (red flag there that should have known we weren't right for each other, still pissed I wasted 8 years on him)...and I am at the point know where I don't know if I want any, or I should rephrase and say I don't want a baby, but give me a 6 year old.  I know I'd be a great mother so I'll let my fh decide for us about having kids.

Great Falls

The national park association added a new historical park in March 2009- Great Falls in Paterson NJ, making it the 397th national park system unit, though it was a National Landmark since 1976.
It was close by so I thought I'd check it out.  However I was a bit disappointed.  Maybe it is just because the N.P. association has not technically acquired the land, and they have not improved the area.
The Falls were just that, waterfalls that drops 77 feet. Nothing too impressive and not part of a beautiful landscape - are they really the second largest wast of the Mississippi?  Maybe my travels have clouded my perceptions. 
What I hope to see eventually would be a tour of the power plant - with 18, 19 and 20th century water power remnants and raceway system and I have no doubt they will make the park greens more visitor friendly.
I suppose what is fascinating in the history...but do we declare all historical areas national parks?
Alexander Hamilton envisioned Paterson NJ as a large industrial center that would be powered by the waterfalls. It played a vital role during the industrial revolution.
I think having a national park in Paterson will be good, it is such an industrial area that tourists will go because they have goals to check out all the national parks and in turn will bring a little money to the area.  There are some other great things close by, so one could make a day or two doing a few miscellaneous activities in the area
However, do not plan to spend more than 30 minutes here. And do not plan a trip around this location right now.
What was nice is that the current great falls association has jazz on selected Saturday nights in the summer in the parking lot.  It was free, had a relaxing feel and there was some food/beverage vendors.
For more information on The Great Falls visit the national parks website or the Paterson Friends of the Great Falls (www.patersongreatfalls.org).

I'm sexy and I know it

I had a great time at the photo shoot a few weeks ago.  Most of the pictures came out great...and I am not going to show you many of them...but here is one.

Calling on the saints

At my card reading in November, the lady told me to pray to St. Anne; I did not. When we went back a few weeks ago, the lady told my mother that the single daughter needs to reach out to St. Anne (she didn't know of our relationship/I went after).

I figured why not try it...nothing else seems to be working.  I drive around where I knew there was a religious store, but apparently it is no longer there, so I had to order this $16 statue online with a $10 shipping charge.  A few days later it arrives and a few days later I decide to start my 9 day prayer.

Each night I read a short two paragraphs asking St. Anne to intercede for me. 

So, St. Anne, please send me my man soon.

Have you heard/tries this?

Not the end, yet

Yesterday I heard from man friend after 3 weeks, we chatted a little about 'business' stuff then he asked me my feelings on that 'other' stuff.  I told him I was over it, and that I was sorry, he agreed.

But we met up after work because we had those 'business things to discuss' and it was still comfortable and not awkward.  We finish our drink and leave and then he kisses me.  And I take a step back and look at him and ask what he was doing...I thought we agreed to none of that.  So then he says we should talk more so he gets into my car.

He tells me that he wants to enjoy my friendship doing other things besides sex, that it should be just focused around that, that he wants to enjoy me as a person and when we are intimate he enjoys it tremendously because of how intimate we are.   He complained we didn't do things, at which point i get defensive and laugh and ask he he was kidding me...I TRIED to do more things with him, but he wasn't interested: ziplining, archery, montreal, Asheville, hikes, cooking class, wine tasting, etc.  I got tired of it, and we had this conversation two times already.  He said he was over it just because I did, that he didn't mean it, although he is tired of me just going over there, doing our thing and me leaving.   To me it sounds like he wants to actually date now (maybe his depression is over from his last breakup?).  I told him that I am ready for a relationship and that I plan on meeting my future husband in September, and while I don't mind occasionally going over there...he needs to know that I want more out of life, I deserve better.  He laughed that I could plan on something as crazy as meeting my future husband in such time, but continued to suggest we'd have a longer lasting whatever it is we are in.  He kept telling me how attractive I was and how much he enjoys our intimate time, and suggesting what I've wanted, but I learned from SI that words don't really mean much, they might be empty promises and so I am naturally hesitant.

So, I tried to break it off, but again, it was unsuccessful.  I have this issue of loving sex and kissing and when I am seduced, I go with it.  I know he won't hold me back, when I meet the fh, I will not need man friend, just as I won't need cop#1, and I was honest with both of them that their time was running out.  So, I will enjoy the month of August and keep my fingers crossed for September.

Not the smelly one

Sometimes I leave the bathroom stall embarrassed: the person walking in would automatically assume I was the one to stink it up.  But I am not, I suffered just as she had for the few moments it took me to pee.  I know this because I usually poop first thing in the morning.  But I can't say anything because what if she was the one who stink it up and came back to get the rest out, she would internally be mortified, but wouldn't say anything to me.

I am sure I am not the only one that thinks this. 

I also wonder how long the smell lingers and what it can get stuck on.  When it is that bad, can I leave the restroom with a slight poop smell? Would other people notice?  Does the smell damage any of my body parts like my nose hair or lungs? 

I wonder what people eat when they poop that bad, and sadly it seems like it is on a regular basis as I have been leaving the ladies room slightly dizzy.

Birthday incentives

I am really starting to love August 1st.  Since it is my birthday month, I get tons of coupons and emails about special deals just for me for my birthday; not that I need an excuse to spend money.

My all time favorite birthday deal is from Applebee's - a FREE three course meal plus a drink.  Almost any appetizer, any entree, a dessert and any beverage (including alcoholic).  The last two years my sister and I would go twice (we both have August birthdays), eat this mediocre food and delicious dessert and enjoy a $35 free meal and pay a $20 bill (for the extra entrees) plus a nice tip.

Also among my must use birthday coupons are bare minerals, Ann Taylor loft and sephora.

Bulls eye

Was I born to be a sniper? Many years ago I went shooting, I did ok for a first timer. Today I tried archery. After a little warm up, I hit the bullseye and came extremely close a few other times. Overall I'd say I was on the target circle 85%, not bad for my first time.

Handed out my first card

So, I handed out my first business card tonight. Not to a sexy, single man that had potential to be my future husband, but to the woman sitting next to me on the train - her name was Heidi. Don't worry, I haven't turned lesbian yet. I went out for a few drinks after work, and since I am on a modified diet and haven't drank in weeks, I felt the effects of my sangria before the first glass was empty. I had two drinks, peed two times, and was extremely chatty...well, I got on the train with full intentions of text flirting with cop#1, and reading my book, but then Heidi complained about the person lacking and I agreed instead of one 'quiet car' there should only be one loud car, why ,ake everyone suffer? So we start talking about work, and next thing I know I am telling her we are hiring someone for a 50/50 position and gave her my card. But everything happens for a reason right? Maybe she has a single cousin, or will be my future assistant.

Card reading #2

Back to Katie's cottage for more fun.
The people I went with wanted to see Vickie; I was unsure if I wanted my cards read a second time, so I went last. But as everyone was coming out and telling us about their reading, it sounded like she was giving good readings...not that my first reading by her was bad, but it wasn't too informative - then again, I don't have a lot going on.

So my reading:
I have a wedding coming up soon...it is ok not to bring a guest, who knows, maybe I'll meet someone there.
I will have a new lover in 5-6 months, I will meet him when I am with other people, he will be wearing a suit.
Man friend (and she called him that!) is just time to kill. Nothing more.
Before I meet the new lover, I will go on a few dates with someone with a kid. Very short term.
3 major changes coming my way...2 good things, one bad thing. She didn't elaborate.
Someone at my job is leaving in about four months.
My family will have an argument in 3 months.
Money will get better.
I will go away labor day weekend.
I've had only two boyfriends, I don't take relationships lightly.
I will have a short engagement.
There are two children in my future.
I love to spend money.
I'll have one more job.
I am my own worst enemy...she recommended I do something to distract my mind from thinking.
2013 is going to be a much better year than 2012.

I'll keep you posted.

*check under fun for more readings. I've had three tea leaf readings and two card readings at Katie's.

I am the best

Not long ago, man friend and I were talking:

Mf- late nigh play date? ...
Me- I am glad you think I am a decent lay
Mf- decent? One of the best ever. I can't describe how much I love when we are together
Me- hmm, not bad for an inexperienced gal ...
Me- imagine how much better it would be if actual feelings were involved
Mf- I think about that all the time, it would be mind blowing

Ok, so why did I share that? To tell you that I think our sex is good, it wasn't my style, but I've adjusted to how he likes it. With that, I don't get what I like very often, if at all. I am not bothered by it because it's just sex.

Which brings me to my next point. If something is that good and he claims we have 'a strong friendship' I don't know why he is so reluctant to want to be in a relationship with me. Sure, before we met he had just broken up with someone he was dating for a year. Our non-relationship has been going on now for 8 months, and last month I told him I was ready for a relationship and if he wasn't I was going to start dating. (see, I had a blind date and I signed up for an online site - I am ready!). I don't think manfriend thinks I am actively pursuing this, but he has a little more time; I won't cut ties until I find someone else that starts consuming my time.

Tinted windows

I never gave tinted windows a second glance. But now, I am curious why people opt for them, what are they trying to hide? And it must be good because the states can restrict how much tint is legal. Last month I had the privilege of being in a car with super tinted windows and I found out what some people do - and it is no good. It was super exciting and you have a little fear of being caught. My biggest regret is not wearing a dress/skirt so I could have taken more advantage of the blackout windows...but what we did was still super thrilling and exciting. I hope I have the opportunity to take it to the next level, shouldn't everyone have sex in the car at least once?

Glamour shots

I had a great day of fun, thanks to groupon. They had a deal for boudior photography at glamour shots. My homework was to come up with three outfits. I had them do my makeup when I got there since it was included, they offer to do my hair, but I thought it was fine.

For the makeup, they used an airbrush for the foundation, and what grossed me out was that they used the real wand of the mascara and probably never clean the other brushes. I closed my eyes, I didnt want to get more grossed out, and think about the waiver I signed about them not being responsible for any reactions to the makeup. I would have brought my own mascara bottle - and recommend you do.

My session started and my photographer but me at ease, made me laugh and made me feel sexy; he took about 15 pictures in each outfit. 

Once you are done, they first showed you a slide show of all of them, then you go one by one through each to narrow it down for what you'll purchase. The packages were expensive. You pay for each picture you want copyright privileges for, normally this is $160 each, but I got for $90 each and some other discount. I would have loved to get more, but who can afford that? I will get the sideshow, but can't print/download them. It was fun to see the pictures, but also as a huge critic of yourself, I wish I saw them and redid a few...as they didn't come out as great as I would have hoped. Narrowing them down was really hard, I really liked 80%. It was nice to have input from others when they gasped at how nice a picture was or were very silent for a not so good one. So now I just have to wait and then pick up my purchases. Come back soon and I will post a few that I have copyright too.

Stepping up the dating

After my blind date, the stand still with man friend, and hearing about all these people in new relationships so quickly after breakups/divorces, I realized I need to do more. So even though I was resigned to not do the online dating thing again (that is how I met SI 10 years ago), I sucked it up and signed up on Saturday. Writing a profile isn't easy, I like to think I am modest so saying great things about yourself without sounding fake is hard. Words aside, finding the right pictures are hard too. I don't show enough skin, guys skip over me, but I am not looking for someone only into that, I want them to want more. Then I have the issue of not being slender, 80% of the guys want a slender woman...sure they are tiny & cute, but why pass up an amazing gal because she is a little bigger? And, it always seems that the 3-5s message me, but I think I deserve a 7 -8. Who knows, I might not meet my fh this way, but hopefully it will at least get me out of the house a little, I'll learn more about myself, and I'll get a little boost to my self esteem if I keep getting 8 emails a day, even if they are from uglies.

Blind date #1

My sister set me up on a blind date, so of course I went, after all, man friend still hasn't wanted more. I wasn't nervous or optimistic about the date, but I know I need dating experience, which was very evident when I couldn't answer his very basic questions: what do you do in your free time, what is your favorite food, etc? My problem is I don't do favorites...so my responses were questions and then rambling. It was sad and I smiled as I was laughing at myself. That aside I think I make a good first impression. Not to toot my own horn, but I am a great catch, and guys realize that, it is just a matter of time where I feel that way in return. So, while I had zero attraction for this fella, I am happy I got out of the house, did something outside of my comfort zone, and realized I need to learn more about me.

50 Shades of Crap

A few months ago, a bookclub friend told us about this steamy book she was reading - 50 Shades of Grey.  While we decided not to read it as a bookclub book, we all were going to read it anyway.  Soon after she mentioned the book, I started to hear about it everywhere - the news, other people, store windows, facebook. I read the trilogy last month (not having a computer is making blogging more slow - so my review will not be as comprehensive as it could have been right after I read the books). 

After reading the series, I began to talk about it because I had issues with it.  I was the only one out of the few friends I know that had negative things to say.  People were shocked that I didn't love it.  I'll tell you why.  Here are my top three reasons:

1.  The writing was atrocious.  It read like an 8th grade paper, which is great for all those people who stopped reading after school, and finally picked up a book again because of all the hype.  On top of the lousy writing, it was way to repetitive.  I understand the writer wanted to highlight certain terms or whatever - but reading it over and over and over and over and over was really annoying and distracting.  Am I being too harsh? No, just because I read close to a book a week - I want MORE out of my book.  There are other books out there about sex, love, overcoming issues, etc.  So why was this one so popular? I am struggling to understand. 

2.  The sexiness.  I found that many young people and very naive people enjoyed this part immensely.  I am not saying I am very experienced - but I have experimented a little bit and I have about 14 years of sexual experience.  I found it to be a bit unrealistic in (many) parts and the WOW factor of the toys was not that shocking to me.  I found that I was skimming through the sex scenes because they were not that enjoyable for me. 

However, as I was reading it, I could understand why so many people would want more out of their relationships...desire is important (I wrote a post about that months ago).  I have no doubt that this will put into people's heads they are not happy in their relationship and start cheating or getting divorced, only to not find what they imagine could happen (remember, this is a fictional book).  Sure, there are a few lucky few that have that passion and steam, but a majority of our population will not have that indefinitely.  And for goodness sake - don't wait until you read a book to create steam in your relationship...do that for yourself anytime.  I struggle to wonder how I am single, when I seem to be the only person who understands what it takes to want/have a very healthy sex life on top of a great relationship  (it is not impossible).

3.  The story, while not the best, I kept reading. I wanted to finish the series, I wanted to know if it got better and I wanted to be able to talk about the book to other people.  After all, I read all the Harry Potters, Twilight & Hunger Games. It is hard not to read a full series, I need closure.  I enjoyed book 3 the most because they had a that little bit of action in there.

So there it is.  I did not enjoy the books that much.

Cherries

I have been eating a lot of cherries lately. They remind me of my childhood; we had a cherry tree in our back yard.  While it was great to indulge in this snack, most of the time the squirrels for to them before us.

Anyway, today while eating cherries, I realized what they look like - the head of a penis.  Why have I never noticed that before?

Germs go away

Want to hear a funny story?

My sister came down to visit for a few days last week; she also went to the doctor and found out she had strep throat and was taking a high dose amoxicillian.  I barely saw her because I was so busy, but one evening we were eating and filled the dishwasher. We were going to run it the next day.

A few days later I realize we are out of cups and plates so I empty the dishwasher.  A few items were still dirty so I hand washed them, but we've been having some problems with it.  I use the forks, cups, and plates.  Then the next day, I find out the dishwasher was not run - how could I not know? Well, they really prerinse everything anyway.

Last night I made out with manfriend with a little scratchy throat, but he was willing to get that because 'I am worth it'.  But this morning I woke up so sick.  I don't get sick days/vacation yet. I had plans with my family friends for the fourth, and was bummed to not go.  I went to the urgent care and he said it looked liked strep, and put me on amoxicillian.

What a fun day off from work.

And ok, the story isn't really funny - lesson to everyone...germs stay around a while.  Clean those dishes well when someone is sick!

Today was the day

Today was the day I thought I was going to meet my future husband.  I convinced myself this last night and even showered at night to make sure my hair looked great today. I put on a pretty green dress, brought shoes to work and sprayed a sprinkle of perfume.  Yes. Today was the day. 

Two of my coworkers and I went out to lunch, surely I'd meet him there? Work closed at 2pm in honor of the July 4th holiday, maybe I'd meet him on my walk to the train.

And it is supposed to happen when I don't care right?  So cop#1 and I have been flirting intensely and ManFriend has been very attentive and told me lots of interesting things the last two days.  If that isn't screaming I shouldn't meet my fh now, I don't know what is.

But so far today, no future husband. And I find I am quite disappointed.