Monday, August 13, 2012


A friend was honest with me and told she felt disconnected from her husband.

I didn't want to pry but I asked questions to try and help her figure this all out.  One might not want to get divorced, but the only alternative is to communicate and work through the disconnect.

Even though I expected the answers to reflect this time, when I asked about the past I was shocked I didn't hear more certainty. 

Let me reiterate I am certainly no expert in this area for two reasons, 1) I do not have a degree or formal experience and 2) I am single, never married and lost the first man I loved to another woman. 

But when I asked, were you ever happy or just content, I expected happy and examples.  What I was told was an 'maybe for a little while".  When I asked about lighting up when the man walked into the room or butterflies in the stomach at the beginning at least, I didn't get a yes.  When I asked about thinking about loosing this man, would you cry- I didn't get a response. I won't even say how bad their lovelife is.

Who can live with less than contentment?  Especially when there are no children involved?  I understand people don't want to divorce and sometimes it is because fear of being alone and fear or figuring out how to survive financially, and dating, and having that stigma of divorce.  But staying together essentially as roommates when you are young seems silly.

So I thought about my friends responses, and I felt horrible because as I was asking them, I knew why I asked those selected questions.  I thought back to SI, and I 100% without a doubt had butterflies for months into our relationship, I thought I was so lucky to be with him, I lit up frequently when I'd get home from work or after not seeing him, when I'd pass an accident on the highway, I'd cry thinking if that was SI I would be devastated.  I couldn't keep my hands off him, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.  Those are signs I was in head over heels in love with that man, which is why it took me forever to get over him.

Everyone should feel that kind of happiness and bliss.

I've been on both sides.  Being single is not easy - and I don't think too many people can do it well which is why they stay in relationships where they are less than content. I want to see people stay together, but if you aren't willing to put effort in, it won't magically happen.

I don't think I have a fairytale idea about love, I have been very selective of my men, and I will not settle for contentment.

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