One of my 'friends' had a baby 5 months ago. I was just invited over to meet the little guy. I went there with my mom and 2 other ladies.
Granted I had a migraine before I went over so I was a little out of it, but once the Excedrin kicked in and I felt better...I still barely talked. I have zero in common with her now and I had nothing to say when it came to stories of birthing children, raising a child and/or being married.
The 'friend' is two years older than me and reassured me that when it is my time she'll fill me in on all the things people didn't tell her. Sweet as that might be, so many of her comments upset me; I might never be in her position. And quite frankly I am getting tired of people assuming I have children because of my age or because why wouldn't I? Not everyone wants children, others can't have children and then there are people like me who hasn't met anyone to have a child with. I wasn't lucky in the love department - and I might never have the opportunity if or when I find a man I like enough.
So many people say I still have time. Even this 'friend' but then she spent 20 minutes talking about all the extra tests she had to have and how she had to be extra cautious. When I asked if she'd have another, she said absolutely not because it isn't easy at her age...and what about when the baby is older and the parents are elderly? And by the time I got pregnant and had the child - I'd be her age...which she claims is the line of 'too old'.
I agree with her rationale, I never wanted to be an 'older' parent. I don't have that kind of energy and I am not sure I'd want children so close in age - which I'd have to do because of my age and my husbands age, because he will probably be a bit older than me. And I am not close to getting pregnant, I have to meet someone and decide to have their child, that will take at least a year, maybe two. I won't be one of those people who accidentally get knocked up, not in my mid 30s.
At times it is hard to have friends whose lives keep changing and mine doesn't. I keep thinking I finally have a few good friends, and poof, they're lives change and I am not a part of it anymore. Sure we can be cordial, but they want to be friends with people they have more in common with. Playdate moms, park friends, PTA, etc.
Don't get me wrong, I am always very happy for them and I always buy a nicer present than I can afford. I get it, friends come and go. I just don't want to always be seen as the black sheep or the old maid.
Granted I had a migraine before I went over so I was a little out of it, but once the Excedrin kicked in and I felt better...I still barely talked. I have zero in common with her now and I had nothing to say when it came to stories of birthing children, raising a child and/or being married.
The 'friend' is two years older than me and reassured me that when it is my time she'll fill me in on all the things people didn't tell her. Sweet as that might be, so many of her comments upset me; I might never be in her position. And quite frankly I am getting tired of people assuming I have children because of my age or because why wouldn't I? Not everyone wants children, others can't have children and then there are people like me who hasn't met anyone to have a child with. I wasn't lucky in the love department - and I might never have the opportunity if or when I find a man I like enough.
So many people say I still have time. Even this 'friend' but then she spent 20 minutes talking about all the extra tests she had to have and how she had to be extra cautious. When I asked if she'd have another, she said absolutely not because it isn't easy at her age...and what about when the baby is older and the parents are elderly? And by the time I got pregnant and had the child - I'd be her age...which she claims is the line of 'too old'.
I agree with her rationale, I never wanted to be an 'older' parent. I don't have that kind of energy and I am not sure I'd want children so close in age - which I'd have to do because of my age and my husbands age, because he will probably be a bit older than me. And I am not close to getting pregnant, I have to meet someone and decide to have their child, that will take at least a year, maybe two. I won't be one of those people who accidentally get knocked up, not in my mid 30s.
At times it is hard to have friends whose lives keep changing and mine doesn't. I keep thinking I finally have a few good friends, and poof, they're lives change and I am not a part of it anymore. Sure we can be cordial, but they want to be friends with people they have more in common with. Playdate moms, park friends, PTA, etc.
Don't get me wrong, I am always very happy for them and I always buy a nicer present than I can afford. I get it, friends come and go. I just don't want to always be seen as the black sheep or the old maid.
oh jeez don't get me started on this.
ReplyDeletefirst off, try being in a relationship for 3 years and NOT have people ask about marriage and kids. ITS NONE OF THEIR GODDAMN BUSINESS. EVER. PERIOD.
how do these people know you can't GET pregnant? I mean seriously. Assholes.
Secondly, your friend is just in mommy mode and obviously doesn't meant to hurt your feelings, but SO MANY WOMEN get in this holier-than-thou attitude about having a kid. Congratulations. You did what absolutely NOTHING new or surprising. You birthed a human, something humans have been doing for thousands of years. Anyway...
You never know when your life will change. It literally takes one second. You could become pregnant accidently with man friend. You can meet someone new in four minutes. I mean seriously, you just NEVER KNOW when things will change.
Just keep living your life and doing your best to be happy TODAY. That's all that really matters anyway, right? :)
hugs.