A constant headache

I used to be a headache sufferer. It was bad; headaches almost daily for weeks at a time. Then I was in the rebound headache cycle where my body was reliant on pain medication and if I didn't take anything my headache would come back.  This went on for years. 

About 3 years ago I broke this cycle. I started suffering through the headaches refusing to take anything.  Soon enough the daily headaches started to go away.  I was shocked with how much better I felt, and was saddened when I realized that I allowed the headaches to take over my life and cause me to stay in bed.

Sure, I still had a few migraines and other headaches but they were less frequent. And when they went away my life got back on track.

Unfortunately the last two weeks I am experiencing the headaches again.  I haven't taken anything but I lost a whole day today because of the pain.

So why did they come back now?
Is it allergy related? I've been wondering that for a while. Many people get watery eyes or sneeze, I think I get headaches.
Is it man related?  Sure the last three weeks have been more up and down then I'd have liked. But I really hope a 'friend' doesn't cause me that much stress as the last man.
Is it dietary? I have been so busy the last three weeks that my do.need have been filled with carbs or sugar.
Is it hormonal?

What I need to remember is to not let them take over my life again and maybe next year I'll get a brain scan.

My BMI

My company had a health fair, it was very lame, but I did wait in line to get my BMI.  There was a guy in front of me who appeared trim, and his score came pack high, so I started getting nervous. I have been battling my weight since my mid 20s. I have been trying to eat better, but I don't exercise.  My weight has fluctuated +/- 6 pounds each month this past year. And I have massive breasts.

I provide the lady my height and weight and then I hold this device with both hands and a few moments later a number appears. (I am very curious how this works)

My number was 27.3% body fat. The healthy range for my age is 21-33%. And I have 23.5 pounds of fat in me - half of which I hope is boob. 

Lifestyle Board

Back in October my book club decided we were going to make lifestyle boards.  The first quadrant (top right) is career and ambition, the second is family and entertainment, the third is travel & leisure and the fourth quadrant is nostalgia.

Essentially you are selecting pictures that represent items in the categories (example: I might have a skyline of NYC but it might represent a large city or certain games - but it represents any board games, not necessarily one or two of them).

When we started out I thought the hardest quadrant would have been nostalgia, but I was wrong, the hardest part for me was my career & ambition.  I really don't know what I want to do, sure I want to volunteer more, but what else? I struggled with this for months.  The easiest quadrant for me was travel & leisure, and I still didn't have enough room.

This exercise was fun and really made me think.  I recommend that you make one too.

Bad electronics week

I think my Roomba is dead. Well, he turns on, but be does not move. I am not sure how to fix him, and I am sad that soon I'll have to push a vacuum around my room.

Then on Monday as I was two sentences into a blog post, my computer clicks at me, freezes and then does something similar to electronic death, only two and a half years young.  The laptop was in great shape, for the most part I was the only one to use it, I didn't abuse it or drag it with me everywhere I went.
At least my phone & iPad still work so I will be able to post something short once in a while.
But isn't it always the worst timing? Here I am trying to pay off my credit cards, the last thing I needed was to make these purchases, so I probably won't for now.

Then tonight, I took my work computer home, so I can do some work and become familiar with remote access for an upcoming meeting, and it took me an hour before I was able to get the thing on/working. I was stressing out that I broke a work computer too. 

I really need someone in my life to help me troubleshoot.  Sorta ManFriend is a little help, but he likes Apple, and my brother in law is awesome, but very busy (he gets my personal laptop this weekend).  I hope my fh has some knowledge in these areas.

Of course, train

I snuck out of work early and caught an earlier train, but as a lesson, fate had the train loose power not once but twice.  We were told to get off the train and wait for the next train.  I will probably get home only 5 minutes early instead of the 60 minutes.  Of course.

free babysitting still requires courtesy

When you ask me to do a favor, babysitting from 5:30 - midnight on a Saturday...the least you can do is either have some dinner there for me to eat or leave the takeout menus and at least a $10 bill so I can order dinner when the kids go to bed, and supplement the cost.  I sacrificed an evening and I don't eat dinner at 4:30 on a weekend.

I'm just saying.

What doesn't kill you

I don't listen to the radio very often, but today while I was getting ready I did, and I heard a Kelly Clarkson song about being stronger and I started to sing along.

It is a little poppy - but the message is clear and simple: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  We all have life experiences that are difficult, and some how we make it through.  When we do, we are a little stronger and we have new knowledge so when something happens in the future, we can be a little more prepared.

I think everyone can relate to this.

Kelly Clarkson - What Doesn't Kill You

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in color
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on, over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You try to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

[2x]
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

(When I'm alone)

Taken from AZLyrics.com

Yankee Stadium not e-reader friendly

I can't say I am a huge baseball fan, but my ManFriend is, so I bought some Yankee tickets.

Unfortunately I got to the game about an hour late (yikes) because I ended up on a local B, that didn't go all the way up, and it took 15 minutes so for the D train.  Then on top of that, at bag search, my Nook was rejected...so I had to pay $10 to keep it in a store across the street.  I think it is insane that other things are allowed inside the stadium (Camera, sealed bottle of water, personal snacks) but a nook/kindle is not - I have the first edition that doesn't even have Apps on the device.  I read with it on my commute everyday, what a hassle, but at least I know for the next games - and will read a paperback that week.

I was told that taking the 'train to the game' was easy...but turns out it does not start until May 17th.  So it took about 90minutes - 2 hours to get home.

Oh, and bottled beers are $9 and draughts are $12.

the other path

I saw the 5 Year Engagement with Jason Seigel.  It was decent enough, but what I wanted to relate it to was my relationship with SI.  There were two people that seemed perfect for each other but life's turns made a relationship difficult and they split up.  They dated other people.  And when life's turns started changing, they sought each other out again.  That is what I thought SI and I were supposed to do four years ago.  I wanted to give him time to do what he had to do, but instead, he never came back to me.  I think it was more of a pride thing and facing reality of my family and me and what he put us through.  It would have been worth it, if it worked.  However, please note that that is NOT the life I would want now.  I liked our relationship...but him...I would never put myself in that position again.

SI stopped reading my blog a month or two ago...or he stopped working where I knew he used to work, one or other other.  It upset me a little knowing that his time is better spent on someone more important than to keep up with my life.  But I can't blame him - I wouldn't be able to hear about his life with out getting upset because I have no doubt that the last 5 years of his life has been drastically better than mine.

It is sad after all this time, he still pops into my thoughts.

this blur of life

I fear another dap of depression is kicking in.  You'd think that things have been going OK with me the last few months - that I'd be happy - but I am not.  Is it hormonal? Is it stress?  Is it chemical?  Is it disappointment?

I have my 'tool box' of things I've learned over the last year of life coaching - and while it is good stuff, it is stuff that when I am laying on the couch doing nothing, it not motivation for me wanting to be happy. 

I am tried of living in this blur of life, constantly waiting for the next chapter or the next thing to look forward to.  I am not content here - and keep wishing my life away with things that may or may not come. 

I am still not ready for medication - although my primary care phsyican recommended it - because I don't want it to be a band-aid, a temporary fix.  I want to kick the depression completly without medication.

All I can hope for is that each round of depression I will have will get shorter and shorter and that the time between get longer and longer.

falling down

Reader, I am sorry to say that I did it again.  Even with all my past experience, and lessons I thought I'd learned, I still did it.  Shame on me.

Things with ManFriend were going well.  I mean, I actually at times, thought that maybe I could like him.  I know things are missing - but for the most part, I was tolerating the stuff that was lacking.  And some days I felt more connected than others.  Part of me wanted to like him more, but I was scared...I mean, I haven't liked anyone since SI and that was so long ago.  I have tried really hard in the last six years to not get hurt like that again, and how do I do that? Well, I shut people out and I didn't date.  This sorta dating thing was a big deal for me - it was time to get back into the groove and build my confidence and hopefully at some point, be in a full-fledged relationship.

My problem arose from my bad past relationships. I've been hurt more than anyone should have been - not once but twice with the second time being so unnecessarily brutal, that I was not sure if I could ever recover.  A lot was riding on this sorta-relationship.

So it really upset me that just two weeks ago, ManFriend told me he missed me when we didn't see each other for a week, and now we've let almost two weeks pass without seeing each other AND there was a huge lack of talking in between.  When he came back from his trip, he barely reached out to me. I had to ask if he wanted to get together, and he was a little wishy-washy about a date.  I knew from the past that I shouldn't have to chase a man, if he wants to see me then...he'll ask to see me. My problems in the past, I wonder if it was because I was up their butts all the time that maybe I was overbearing, so this time around, I am trying to play it cool - but don't forget this sorta relationship is cool too. 

Where did I go wrong?  Well, I believed him when he told me he missed me a few weeks ago and wanted to hang out more, even take a trip somewhere.  I thought maybe this sorta-relationship might actually become more than a secret.  But it must have just been him being horny.  And unfortunately once I had it in my head I wanted a relationship - I wanted a relationship. 

So, my advice to all the guys out there is -- do not tell girls things in the moment that you don't really believe. Because we think about what you said, and we become hopeful and look forward to it, and then you crush us.  BUT, it could all have been avoided if you didn't say anything. I was FINE when you didn't say anything, I was content.  I wasn't looking for more than you were offering - but once you offered it I wanted it. I can't go back.

It got me thinking - I WANT a relationship.  A real one.  I am not fine with seeing someone once a week. I am not fine with just hanging out at their apartment. I am not fine with no cuddling. I am not fine with no sleep overs. I am not fine with doing it once.  I am not fine with paying for the dinners.  I am not fine with not following through.  I am not fine with lies. I am not fine with saying things and filling my head with ideas when you don't mean it. 

That last one is the biggest for me.  SI did that to me all the time - talk about emotionally damaging (after 5 years).  I can't deal with it anymore.

This week when I didn't hear from him, it upset me and I tried a different approach to get his attention and then he got pissed.  When we saw each other it was awkward - he was mad at my immature attitude and I was mad that I was neglected.  So we had a very brief discussion - but because our issues were on different things - I don't think it will help.  So then we tried to kiss and make up...but that was a disaster. I asked afterwards if our time has ended - and he didn't reassure me not, but also didn't reassure me that things will be fine.

I am torn between ending it and just waiting it out.  I am not sure I can get over this.  And, on top of it - when I was there, he got a text message from a woman that said something like "call me soon, I miss your sexy voice" and something else I don't remember.  So even though just two weeks ago he told me he wasn't dating anyone else - that fits more in line with all the 'evidence' I have seen in the last few months (2 wine glasses, seeing each other once a week, etc).

I want to cry - not because this is over. not because I am sad about it. I am just so frustrated with everything.  I don't know how I am the unluckiest person in love.  My time is coming though, I know it is. I just have to make it there.

In the mean time, I know I have to stick to my gut - take no BS from any guy, don't accept vague answers, and be brave enough end things when the time is right.

Cinema Suites

Living in New York could be expensive - rent, groceries, paying to park everywhere, etc. How else can you compare cost of living across the country?  Let's look at movie prices.

A price of a movie is generally $12, $19 for 3D, and $6-$9.50 for a matinee. We are talking about a regular movie theater or maybe, if the theater is newer - stadium seating.  Sometimes you can find 'director's seating' where you have an assigned larger seat, but that is about the only difference - and is it worth the extra few dollars?

When I was visiting a friend in the Midwest, the weather was crappy so we decided to go to a movie.  While it was an AMC theater (one I frequent regularly at home), they had this other type of theater called the Cinema Suites.  Check it out:

Talk about cozy!  The seats had a foot rest that comes out so you can stretch out, and from all the seats you are able to see the screen really well.  The seating is limited and assigned when you purchase the tickets - so with popular movies you should definitely purchase the tickets before you leave the house to help prevent the movie from selling out.

You didn't have to worry one bit about the person's head in front of you, or getting up if someone needed to visit the restroom or concession stand.  The seats were comfortable.  You get all this for $12 or $9 for an early showing.  So I was curious, how much was a regular theater in the same city in the Midwest (something more typical of where I live) and the ticket was $6 or only $4 for a matinee.

Now let's talk about movie theater food - the nicer places by me offer a variety of food & drinks.  No more just popcorn, candy and soda.  Now they offer nachos, hot dogs, coffee and a few other things.   Everything comes in different sizes and prices could range from a small popcorn at $5 to a large at $10, drinks averaging about $5.50 and honestly I am not sure how much candy, coffee or food goes for...but I figured why would I want to eat a hot dog or subpar food at the movies?

The Cinema Suites has a menu by your seat - and a call button to call over a server to take your order.  They had aside from the popcorn, candy and soda - specialty alcoholic drinks, beer (buckets, pitchers or bottles), appetizers, meals and desserts.  Apparently the food is actually really good too.

I had an iced tea and split the veggie hummus platter.  The drink was $4.50 and the hummus platter was about $9. 

What a fantastic experience.  I really enjoy going to the movies and there is no doubt that I'd go to more movies with all these luxuries.

Important enough

So my first day of work, I am talking with my supervisor, and he hands me some papers and then a box.  I was shocked that he handed me my own business cards.  He not only pre-ordered them so I'd have them on my first day, but thought I was going to be important enough to need business cards.  I've never had personalized business cards.

I also received a work laptop.  The laptop hooks up to the monitor/keyboard while in the office, and then should I need to travel or work from home, I have the tiny laptop with access to all the work stuff without having to go through a site like logmein.

AND, on top of all of that, on my third day of work, I was informed my Blackberry was ready...what? A work phone? I don't want one of those...constant contact with clients and coworkers? They didn't mention that in the interview, hopefully it won't be all that often because I need to focus on my personal life and this whole 'my family' thing, and while work is important, so is my after-work life. 

My new space

It is hard to adjust to a new space.  My old office - yes, that is right -- office, was small but with a window and a door.  I was not sure what kind of new work space my new job would provide me.

I was not shocked that I didn't have my own office, but a cube instead.  Although, a cube suggests four work areas...where I don't quite have that.  This work area was actually a little bigger than some of the other ones on the floor.
Although this is a bit temporary...our offices are actually moving in a few months.

He missed me

I went away for 2 days - and when I returned, my ManFriend told me that he missed me.  I thought that was really cute.  I have not been sure what I am in - is it casual? is it a relationship?

I brought over wine and we had a bottle then we went out to get another - at which he becomes a little chatty and again informs me that he missed me and he'd like to not only see me a little more, but would actually like to have dates (instead of sitting in his apartment).  I did ask him if he was dating someone else - to which he finally said no, which made me happy.

Now let's see if he actually follows through with all his verbalized thoughts or if he will disappoint me.

A Nice Restroom

Who designs public restrooms?  I am so tired of walking into this decent size room that has really small stalls...When I walk into a stall and I have to scoot around the toilet just to close the door, and worry that my leg pant will pick up urine - the stall is too small.  And why is this?  The 'lobby' of the bathroom is usually quite roomy, and it could easily be reduced to make your personal time in the stall more enjoyable.

There have been a few public restrooms that I have really liked - They usually are a bit roomier and have full length doors.  Here is an example from the bathroom at the Inn at the Biltmore Estate.



The only thing that needed improvement in the restroom was since the doors are full length you can't check underneath to see if it is taken, nor do you want to knock on the door - and bother the lady inside.  What needs to be done is similar to the airplane - when you lock the door, it says 'occupied'.

My restroom experience was much more pleasant and I was able to take my time and do what needed to be done, in such a nice environment.  Why can't more bathrooms look like this?

Bunny Cupcakes

The Food Network featured these cupcakes - and we thought they were so cute we wanted to make something similar.

Food Network

These are mine -- my local CVS didn't have the chick peeps, just the regular, and I didn't have the need to make the egg, since I didn't have a chick.

Kiefer Sutherland

I really enjoyed the TV show 24.  I didn't actually watch it when it was on TV, but I rented them from my local library last year and watched them all very quickly.   I am talking about a whole season in one weekend - obsessed.  I loved the action, the drama and the small twists - even though it was so unrealistic (all the chases, shootings in public, and rarely getting injured).

While the show became highly predictable, I kept watching Kiefer Sutherland run around saving the world, sounding like he was out of breath from all the activity.  It fit his character; he was very stressed for those 24 hours at a time.

Recently I started to watch Touch.  I really loved the pilot episode and looked forward to the regular season.  This too is somewhat similar every week - with Kiefer Sutherland's character trying to figure out what his son is communicating to him and how he interprets it and follows the clues.  Decent enough.

But what I don't understand is that Kiefer's voice still sounds so out of breath.  It must just be his speech pattern or he needs to start exercising so he can say more words in a sentence. It is starting to bother me.


2016 Update:  Kiefer is now the Designated Survivor...and since I've only seen the first episode, which is filled with drama - I am giving this Kiefer show a go.  I didn't notice with his voice that would deter me from watching; I hope it is great.

Wrapping Up

Wrapping up work was time consuming.  I was putting in an extra hour or two the last week I was there - trying to do things months away plus all the regular work in order to make the transition a little easier for whomever was going to take my place.

Since I didn't give a lot of notice, they were still in the interviewing process, which means I had to show a co-worker what I did and then she'd show my replacement. I was writing down all my procedures for my day to day activities, showing her, explaining things, and still cramming in as much as I could.  I was stressing myself out more than I should have, and all my work was going unnoticed - making me question why I was helping them out so much, when clearly they didn't care much for me.

I told my clients a bit late of my departure, but they were all very supportive, knowing I was destined for something better.

Hopefully I can start to think about my future employment soon - and start to become excited about it.

More waiting, the call and the offer

As the human resource person contacted my references, I continued to wait and wait.  I knew it wouldn't be an issue, because they all agreed to be a reference, and with that I was 99% sure they would say something great about me.

But, I messed up.  I had one wrong digit of a phone number of a reference - and when the HR lady called about it, I went into panic.  How bad was that mistake going to affect me?  I responded with
"How embarrassing, the phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx". 

I am not sure which references the HR lady spoke to, but I do know that one of my references was about to go away, and emailed her a letter and that she spoke to at least one other person.

After about 3 days, she called to let me know I made it to step 4 - the education verification.  I was confused, I don't know anyone that has verified education.  It was a Thursday...so I knew not to expect to hear back for a few days, but I was running into the time-crunch issue where I had a meeting with a client approaching, and I knew that my future company was having a meeting - and when they got back to me, was I going to be able to make it to the new job in time for that meeting? 

As I was preparing for my work trip, I received a call Tuesday afternoon offering me the position.   I double checked the dates and if I wanted to start working to be there for that meeting at the new place, I had to give my notice at my job that same day.  I typed up something really fast - and headed into the owner's office to tell her I was resigning.  I have dreaded that moment for 4 years - but it was surprisingly quick - I think she was more annoyed that I only gave two weeks for my position and that I didn't warn them I was looking.

Anyway, back to the offer - I was stressed out at work, and while I was super happy they finally called and I had a definitive answer, I wouldn't really even think about negotiating the salary.  The salary they offered me was my minimum on my cover letter - so it was something that I knew I could work with, and it is $20,000 more than I made last January (2011), and $10,000 more than I make now.  I would have liked a little bit more, like if they offered me another 2,000 over my minimum stated price, but it is what it is, my fault for not being assertive enough.

But I also looked at the benefits package, and it seemed just as good/better than I do now. I was most concerned with not loosing my 3 weeks vacation that I have accumulated over the last 6 years - and this new job offers 18 starting after 3 full months, not a big deal, and the medical coverage is equivalent. 

The Thank You

I struggled with the idea that I should send via email a thank you letter.  I would rather send a nice letter on nice paper that matches my resume and references.  However, if I were to do that, then I would loose those valuable days when my person would have received it and I could not guarantee that person would actually receive the mail. This was not an option.

On my train ride home, the first thing I did was take out paper and wrote everything I could remember about what I talked about with each person. Were they curious about something? Were they worried about something? Did they stress something? Did you get a weird feeling when something came up and you wanted to clarify it? I didn't use a very basic thank you...I spent about an hour writing the thank you letters - and each was different but somewhat similar. I was very happy with the result, and I felt like it was very easy to write because I had a good understanding of the job and I know my skills...I just needed to finish selling myself.

Out of the people I interviewed with, I received business cards from all but one. That one person was important and needed a thank you too - so I looked it up online to be sure they knew just how interested I was.

The call back & references

After waiting a week or more, I finally gave in and called the Human Resources lady.  She didn't answer so I left a voicemail which was just following up and to please contact me so I knew the next steps.

She returned my call 2 1/2 days later on a Monday.  Of course I was jumping every single time the phone rang, and my hands started shaking.  Her return call was to inform me that they were still making decisions.  She didn't give me a time frame.

So I was shocked when she called me the next morning telling me I made it to phase 3 - the reference check.  I provided 5 references at the first interview, but she was hoping for some more supervisors.  My current place of employment is not set up like that...so I had a huge decision to make.  Only two people at work knew I was applying - and I didn't want the rest of the company to find out.  So I took a huge risk - and decided to contact three of my board of directors to ask if they would be my reference.  I knew they really liked me and the work that I did for them over the last 6 years - but if I told them about this - I was also risking my clients knowing I was leaving before my company.  But, I figured it was worth it. 

I reached out to the three people by phone, and left voice mails for each, then I sent them an email from my personal email (not work one).  They all responded to me within hours saying yes - absolutely.  They understand that I need more of a challenge and people move on. It was a risk, but worth it if I got an offer.

The Interview

I am wearing my brand new well fitting suit (I splurged...worth it if I got the job..and if not then I'd wear it on every interview I hoped to have), I spend a little extra time on my hair, had my eyebrow waxed a few days before, I know about me and why I want to work for the company...I am more or less ready.

I get to the interview about 10 minutes early - it is important not to be late! Or too early for that matter.

The interview last summer was very informal. She barely asked me any questions and she said she liked me a few times...I knew at that point, I had the job. But then she threw the ringer at me - there was no job. It was decided the day before that it would not be filled. She didn't want to cancel on me, because she knew I had the skills and wanted to meet me, so if things should change she'd keep me in mind. I was very disappointed.

However I left that interview with more confidence. I realized that my current position has in fact given me some skills that could be beneficial to other organizations. I didn't jump back on looking for jobs for a few months because I was hoping that job would have panned out in a month or two, then it was soon the end of the year.
The New Year came and so did my new list of goals, which included the new job...but this time I needed to really work on it. No more of this occasionally looking and reading but no applying. Sure enough, I found another fantastic job, and I applied for it the same day I found it. I got a call for the interview just two working days later. I went through the same motions...I re-read through my index cards, I started to try on clothes and I bought a new skirt suit.

This interview was much more formal, and I can even say I was not as prepared for it as I should have been. First I met with the Human Resource department and discussed my overall work experience as related to the position and her take on the role. Right after that I met with the person I would be reporting to. He asked some similar questions and of course more from his point of view of the job. I thought the interviews were going well, I knew MY work history well, I knew how what I did on a regular basis correlated with this position, but what I did not do well was the questions to them and my career goals. I wasn't sure if I conveyed to them just as qualified I really was. Before I left they told me they were interviewing someone else the following week and then there would be phase two.

I went home to work on my thank you.

Preparing for the Interview

So, I applied to jobs, and I was finally called in for an interview.  This would have been my first interview in five years, I was nervous because it has been so long and I have heard stories about how interviews have changed and crazy questions people have asked.

I wanted to be sure I did well, I needed that kind of encouragement and confidence.  Even if this one didn't work out, I could feel better about the next one.  I researched books and the Internet for typical interview questions that I should know the responses to.  I copied them into a word document and then typed in how I would respond.  I then took those questions and answers and put them on index cards. (repetition helps me remember)  I flipped through these index cards every chance I got until I knew the answers. (some of my questions are listed below).

I knew I wasn't in the industry where they'd ask me those insane questions - like what kind of animal would you be or how many people in the US would be eligible for a phone upgrade next year - and you have to approximate age of people, how often their contracts expire, the percentage of people that upgrade, etc.  So I just stuck to the basics.

Then since I knew I'd have an interview soon, I started trying on some of my suits.  Did I have shoes that coordinated? Could I walk in the shoes?  Did the suit still fit? What about the shirt underneath the jacket?  Was my suit appropriate for the time of year?  If I had to buy something, was there enough time to shop around - for the positions I wanted, I needed a nice suit not just something that fit or was just OK. 

Once I got all that figured out, I thought I was as ready as I could be.

• Tell me about yourself.
• What interests you about this job? Why dud you apply?
• Why do you want to work HERE?
• What applicable attributes/experience do you have?
• What can you do for the company?
• What do you like about association management?
• What can you offer me that another person can’t?
• What are your 5 year goals?  10?
• Describe your work ethic
• When were you most satisfied in a job?
• What was the last project you headed up? What was the outcome?
• Can you give me an example of your work being criticized?
• What are your strengths?
• What are your weaknesses?
• What was the most difficult decision made in the last 2 years?  How did you come to that decision?
• What was a creative idea/change you’ve successfully put into recent assignment?
• Do you have experience training others?
• Give me an example of a recent conflict situation with a co-worker that you were involved in.
• How did you change a system/procedure you worked on?
• Have you had to ‘speak up’ recently to your boss or others who gave you work when it wasn’t comfortable to do so?
• Have you had people who you gave assignments with out completing instructions? How did you handle it?
• Provide an example of when you found a mistake in someone’s work
• How do you handle stress under pressure?
• What do you find are the most difficult decisions to make?
• Tell me about a suggestion you have made.
• What are/were your responsibilities?
• What don’t you do well?
• What are your accomplishments?
• Why are you leaving?
• Why should we hire YOU?
• What is your greatest failure?
• What did you like least in last job?
• What did you wish to accomplish at job but were unable to?
• How do you recognize incompetence/excellence?
• Define success in problem solving.
• What is #1 achievement of your career?
• What did you fail at?  How did you remedy the situation?
• Have you worked under pressure? Explain.
• What did you like/dislike about current/past job?
• What is the most difficult decision you have had to face?
• What was your most favorite job?
• Did you and a former/current boss every disagree?
• How would subordinates describe me?
• What do you like best about managing people?
• What do you dislike about managing people?
• Are you a manager or leader?
• What have you learned from your mistakes?
• Describe yourself
• Techniques for organization
• What is your biggest regret?
• What qualities make you a leader?
• How do you feel about working for someone who knows less than you?
• What do coworkers say about you?
• Tell me about a time when you had to communicate information to a group
• What would a previous supervisor say is your strongest point?
• What motivates you do your best on the job?
• Describe your management style.
• How would you compensate for lack of experience.
• Why aren’t you certified?
• What quality do you look for in a boss?
• What approach would you take when faced with a challenge?
• What is a significant achievement in my life?
• Describe a time you had to work with others to achieve a common goal.
• 5 words that best describe you
• What skills & qualities can you bring to this position?
• How do you establish a working relationship with new people?
• What have you done during ‘down time’ at work?
• Experience with strategic planning?
• How would you establish credibility quickly with a team?
• What do you see yourself doing in the first 30 days?

To ask them:

• Why is this position open?
• Who would I be reporting to?
• What kind of back up is in place for vacation/travel/sick time?
• What would you like done differently by the next person who fills the position?
• What is the biggest challenge this position will face?
• Approximately how much traveling will be involved?
• What staff training and development opportunities are available?
• What is the culture of the office?

Job Searching

As part of my goals this year, a new job topped the list.  I've been saying I wanted a new job for the last four years, and I have applied to jobs, but nothing.

I started out my searching wrong, especially when the economy started to slow down. I was lucky to have a somewhat secure job, but I stopped enjoying it and wanted something new.  When I looked for jobs, I was looking for things that I thought I might want to do...and with that came very little experience in that particular area.  Makes perfect sense that I wasn't getting call backs.  I also applied to a few government jobs, and with that came very long applications and turn around times of about the Earth's rotation.  For the most part I scored very well, but yet apparently not enough.  My job searching was making me so annoyed that I went through phases of not even applying because I knew it was pointless.

Then one day last year someone I knew sent me a job description, and I was perfect for this job.  I wrote a cover letter and emailed it over that same day.  I got an email back within fifteen minutes for an interview.  When I got to that interview I found out that position was being pulled back and a temp was hired for three months, but they have kept in touch with me over the last six months because they know I have the skills for that particular job, should it ever open up.  For a while, I stopped applying to anything else, hoping they'd call me when that position finally opened up.  But work started to get really bad again, and I didn't want to be stuck there indefinitely.

One day I was off from work, and briefly looked around. I found another job that was similar but different to what I do now.  I am picky when it comes to the jobs I want to apply to because I know IF I get called, there might be a chance I could work there, and I don't want to work just anywhere. I read the job description a few times and I looked at the website to see if I believed in their work. I liked what I saw so I figured - why not? 

Turns out when you apply for a job and your skills match their requirements...they actually call you.

It is harder to change careers of course, so read other blogs about how people transition...because I figured I'd just stick with what I know.

The decision to find a new job

Finding a new job is time consuming and difficult especially in this economy.  I have thought about leaving my current job for about 4 - 5 years.  There have been periods during that time where I spent hours looking through job boards and reading jobs sent to me from my college listserv.  I applied to some but never was called for an interview, although sometimes I received a very general reply back about not being qualified for the position...which at times was incorrect since I was over qualified.  I would then remain content at work for a few months and then decide again to start looking and start this process over again.

My life remained so un-fulfilled since I no longer found my job challenging and I did not have this amazing personal/home life that I was happy to leave work for.  I started becoming depressed which makes it more difficult to search for a job because it is hard to sell yourself when you feel like crap. 
Cover letters were basic and didn't stand out and if I did get called for an interview I have no doubt I would have bombed it because I was not happy with myself.

Over the past two years I started working on my overall happiness with Laura my life coach.  I think around March or April 2011 I started to feel a lot better.  I started to convince myself that I was going to meet my husband soon and that a new job awaited me.

Work started to become unbearable for several reasons and I started to apply for more jobs.  I was more open minded, applying to jobs in DC or Chicago as well as NYC.  Some of them were a bit of a stretch but I figured I needed to reach. I wanted not only a new job but one with a higher salary...and how do I convince others that I am deserving of that?

The next few posts will be about my experience of job searching.

Workitis

The weather has been unseasonably nice, and with that, I feel like I have senioritis - or maybe workitis - the feeling of doing anything but going to work.

I looked through my calendar, and realized that I have not been in the office, for a full week since November...and even November I had 2 work trips and really only was in the office maybe 10 days for the whole month.  Since November, I either used one vacation, sick or comp days and then of course there are all the winter work holidays oh and there were three days I left early.

So this week, I started to panic...working in the office for five full days?  Could I do it?  Monday I was swamped, Tuesday was dreadful, Wednesday was even worse, Thursday was so nice out and work was constant...but I felt like the week was over. 

On top of workitis, March Madness is also going on.  I was doing really well until the last 6 days, and Thursday night just got worse and worse.  I was disappointed yes, but that is NOT the reason I decided not to go to work today.

I had also hoped after talking with ManFriend that we would have a little midday rendezvous....but I didn't hear from him until 4pm and then we made plans for 9pm. yikes, I am getting old because that sounds horrible.

So aside from my errands, I also decided to go see the Hunger Games.  Midday during the week was great because there were maybe 35 people in the theater.  I really enjoyed the first two books of the series and the third was OK, I read them sometime last year before I knew how popular they were.  The movie was decent, it was nice to see how they represented the Capital, the people, and the arena and the technicalities.

I have to say, I am really enjoying not working in the office for a full week.  Next week I travel again and the following week is another holiday...so after Easter is when the full weeks begin again, I hope I can survive it.

Days off like today remind me a little bit from the short period of time when I was done with grad school but before my job, where I considered myself a stay-at-home girlfriend.  I loved it.  It gave me a nice taste of the life of a housewife...errands, cooking, cleaning, housework, snooty volunteer ladies, trying to please my man throughout the day, etc.  I long for the day when I will be in that position again.  But until that happens...I will be taking work a bit more seriously with hopes of success

No to a 90% expense free trip

I have a business meeting coming up and so I asked my man-friend if he'd like to go with me.  A 90% expense free short trip.  All my guest would be responsible for was airfare, breakfast & lunch.  What is included? Well, sharing my room, transportation to/from airport, cocktail hour, all dinners, and the two group activities - a house tour and winery tour. 

Now, I am broke.  My expenses are more than my income.  I know about debt, saving money and prioritizing.  However, if I heard of a deal that would cost me maybe $325, I would jump on it.

Mr. man-friend was recently laid off.  I understand the stress of that alone - but he is interviewing like crazy and a few things seem like possible future jobs.  Add to that he previously made more than double what I make AND that he is older...and one would guess have a little more of a financial cushion.  The past month, I paid for 80% of our dates; which we've cut back on while he's out of work.   Since I thought it would be fun to get away - mostly with work paying for it - I invited him, was willing to go to a farther airport and told him I would pay out of my own pocket HALF of his expenses which would have been about $250 - $325.

However he declined. 

I am not going to lie, I was a little annoyed by this.  About $250 to go away for 3 1/2 days to a really nice place, and you are passing? Why not just cut down on eating out and drinks and less dates?  Didn't he spend more than that when we went to Mohegan?

Do I want be with someone who won't risk $250 for a weekend away with me (and my clients).  I would have responded better if he was like, 'I am uncomfortable meeting your clients' or 'wow, Denise, that is really generous of you to pay for half of my expenses - but I wouldn't feel comfortable with that'.  

I think I went above & beyond for someone who is not even my boyfriend.  I guess this just reconfirms that I need some other new man in my life.

Oh fh, where are you?  We are missing out on some decent trips.

a potential killer

So, on the news this morning, they reported a double homicide in the town that I lived in with SI.  I thought they said a lady and her daughter.  I didn't catch the full story...but the first thing that went though my mind was that SI killed the mistress and their child. 

How wrong is that?

*Turns out it was a lady and a man. 

You would be the lucky one

I think it is hilarious that after not seeing my man friend for a week - we had plans for Friday but I never heard from him - he sends me a text saying "And maybe something if you're a good girl".  My response?  "Haha.  that is a little funny.  Should we have sex, I think you would be the lucky one."

Seriously? What is wrong with men?  I get we aren't dating, that it is casual, but aren't there still rules?  What makes him think I would be the one that benefits from this encounter? I have not been satisfied yet - he doesn't even try.  The whole thing is getting old real fast.  I figured he felt the same way and things would just fizzle out.   Maybe not. 

I'll have to add that to my list of things to do in March/April - figure out how to tell him that our (now) once a week encounter isn't enough to keep me coming back and it needs to end.  I am still amazed how quickly this whole thing nosedived.  Two months ago, it had potential.  I won't lie, it was decent and I'll miss the way he kisses and some other stuff - and I have no other people waiting...so that means I go from unsatisfying to nothing.  Maybe I should wait till I meet someone who does have potential. I don't want to loose the sexual confidence I've built back up.  And who knows how long it will take for me to find the next guy.

But I go over and as we are kissing he says that he wants to take me away again, that this doesn't just have to be me coming over, having sex and leaving...I could stay over sometimes.  I figured now was time to bring up some things, but we are still kissing, so I get a little in..."I don't think we sleep over well - you look at me in the morning like I have ten eyes and that you want to get as far away from me as possible"  His response - 'I am not a morning person.'  Hmm, really?  could have fooled me.  So I was like, well I am just following your lead - and trying to read you.  The conversation ends because the kissing is heating up.  Then in bed he actually put more effort in and tried tonight...I was shocked.  And in the  middle of it all he says "why don't we do this more?"  My goodness...I am so tired of that - I have no idea...maybe because he doesn't reach out...I always did, and I stopped and then so did the sex.   I figured he was getting laid more often with someone else.

Guys seriously confuse me. They think they are simple - they think they require just 'food, sex and the remote control'.  But here I am, offering all three, and it isn't enough for him to want it act on it more frequently.