Friday, January 4, 2013

The breakup #4

Well, dear readers, I think I made it to the end of ManFriend & my relationship...a whole what 4 or 7 days? I am not sure how you count it or when it really ended...or honestly if it even started to begin with.

It has been a really interesting year.  I am so very happy I met him because he really did help me since my living situation changed...and  it was a nice distraction.

After New Years, I really wanted to talk to him, in person.  But he never found the time - so after several drinks and a an emotional week, I resorted to an email.  I knew as I was typing it that I shouldn't send it, maybe I just needed to vent.  But after I was done with it, I was OK with what I wrote and honestly, do I care anymore?  A few friends are questioning why I even like him...and what I am getting out of it.  So I sent it.

2 1/2 minutes later he called.

I guess that is how you get results...tell him in an email all the reason why you love him and then tell him it is over, and I have a few expectations regarding how to close up the rest of the other relationship.

We chatted for a while, but aside from him saying he is going to forget about my email, I don't know what was resolved.  He did say he feels like a schmuck and embarrassed from NYE...but I've wanted to move past that since that day and I am not sure why he still feels embarrassed about it? Why can't he just create a new NYE.  A little drinking, a little flirting, a bigger kiss, staying in the same bed, and making me breakfast in the morning.  But he also blames me for being immature and not talking to him about this in person - even though I told him I kept much rejection can one person take?  He also said he doesn't think I've tried to show how I feel at all during the last few months...but I had to remind him that we weren't allowed to have feelings then, so now that I am ... I need to talk to him about it so it isn't confusing.

I am starting to wonder if he is using me.  I don't just mean the sex thing...but there are a LOT of other things about our 'relationship' that I haven't shared on here yet...but is basically me doing a lot of nice things for him, and getting nothing in return. I know I am getting screwed in the end.

So, what I thought was the end, turns out it was just my 4th attempt to end it with him...and our story continues.

The ManFriend story is to be continued.

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