On Monday I asked ManFriend if we could hang out on Saturday. A whole 5 days away. I wanted a date...a little making up and getting back & happy again.
But what I should have realized, is that nothing really goes how we want it to. I should know this already. Other people are lucky, they get everything they want. I want things too, I dream about it, I wish for it, I talk to myself sometimes trying to convince the higher power that I deserve it...but I am still waiting.
On Thursday that pre-date man texted me a hello and asking if I was around this weekend. Indeed, I was. He asked if we could get together. In the mean time, I asked ManFriend if we were getting together on Saturday...and he said "you do realize it is a football day". No, actually, I didn't know that. I thought NFL football was Sundays and Mondays...but since they are in the playoffs, Saturday was a big football night. So, I wrote "OK, that is fine, I just wanted to make sure before I agree to a date". and then "and you do realize that if you asked me to watch a game, I would. I would eat wings and bar food, drink a lot of beer and even paint my face. I want to make sure I understand. Midweek you are tired and weekends are naps and football, so that leaves never to hang out?". He then texted "who said I am not going to (ask me to the bar). You jump to conclusions and made other 'date' plans".
After an hour of the predate man asking about getting together, I wrote back "sure". I mean, I was upset. And I know all of you are wondering why I even try.
But I couldn't go through with it. I ended up telling the predate man that I couldn't commit to a day/time. I am not ready. I still like ManFriend.
On Friday predate man messaged me again, as did ManFriend. ManFriend seemed flirty, but he still didn't say anything about Saturday.
So, here Saturday is. it is still early, but I know that ManFriend won't text me regarding later (we spoke earlier about nonsense) unless I message him. And since I blew off predate man, I am home alone on a Saturday.
And I wonder why I get into these depression moods.
Why do I always fall for men that are selfish and do whatever the hell they want...tease me, play with my feelings, pretend they care about me when they clearly don't. I got enough of that shit from SI...I don't need it from ManFriend too.
update. ManFriend and I texted for hours. And even though he was home, he did not ask me to go over. Even with me throwing myself at him. Predate man asked if I was going out, but I told him I shouldn't. He ended up asking if it was him, but I reassured him it was not, but simply that I was not sure if I was in a relationship or not, as insane as that sounds. So, off to bed at 10pm. Lucky me.
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