Wednesday, January 23, 2013

if everyone communicated

I was going to write tonight about that final straw that broke my back.  I discovered ManFriend went to a concert last night...I don't even care who he went with...but what pissed me off was that he keeps telling me he is too tired to see me midweek, but yet, he can go to a concert?

Like any irrational woman, I snapped.  That set off a series (about 5-6) text messages about his seemingly lack of desire to hang out with me and money.  I told myself that was the last straw. I was done.

He wanted to call after work to share some thoughts.  I figured I needed a drink if he was going to call me immature or psychotic.

But instead, we do what we do really well.  We TALKED.  Again. I know, we shouldn't have to have so many serious conversations   I mean, I sat in my cold car for an hour at the train station so I can talk to him about this.  

Is he manipulating and using me? Or have we just completely miscommunicated?

I really don't know.  But as we are talking, taking turns, I find myself smiling, and agreeing with him, and he said that I infuriated him so much today but he couldn't think of anything but kissing me.

I told him two of my biggest concerns are the new lack of time we spend together and that he has not once showed me in a small way that he cares about me.  He assured me he was not happy about our lack of time together - how backwards it has become, but he explained to me WHY it is especially hard for him.  I mean, I understand where he is coming from...but I feel like it isn't enough.  He didn't want to get caddy and think of 2 nice things he's done for me, but told me he was working on a surprise - who really knows if he just said that or if he meant it.

He voiced his two biggest concerns - my hard time separating our two 'relationships' and the way I jump to conclusions and flip out.  I attempted to explain the first one, but I am not sure if we will ever see eye to eye. As for the second, I vowed to not say anything immediately after I have an urge to flip out - but to think about it and say it out loud to him.  I will try.

So, we have a 'date' set soon...and we'll see how it goes.  It might not last, but it might go longer.  There has to be a reason we haven't given in to ending it - but what is the reason?  Am I right with all my signs that this is all some sort of fabrication?  Is it complete lust?  Is it love?  Is it convenient?  I have no idea.

I think if everyone had the ability to communicate as well as we do (when we have these chats - I understand we need to work on the constant communication piece) there would be a lot less break-ups and divorces.

No comments:

Post a Comment