Wednesday, January 9, 2013

a unexpected pre-date?

Last week with ManFriend was very stressful.  I wasn't sleeping and opportunities kept coming up that encouraged me to over drink.

On Saturday I messaged one of the local people I knew if he & his people were out because I needed more alcohol and needed to smile and laugh and forget about the stress ManFriend was causing me.  I don't have friends, and well, I didn't want to be alone at a bar.  I had that family holiday party and was exhausted, but I decided to go out at 11 since it was around the corner.

I get there and really it is just me and that guy talking...he told me a few times that he found me attractive and wanted to take me out to dinner, or accompany me on a hike or a few other options.  I found myself smiling and laughing - at times it was genuine and other times it was slightly uncomfortable.  I started to wonder if I was on a pre-date.

I was not prepared for a pre-date. I mean, all I think about is ManFriend.  I am completely attracted to him and I love being with him physically....but it isn't enough.  This other gentleman was offering the other stuff I am lacking and it started to sound appealing.

As I started my second drink, I was considering my options...I mean, I don't think I am part of a couple anymore, so I am free to date.  And sure, I know I am ready...but I am still hesitant to do anything with this particular gentleman.

But I also feel a little guilty.  Did I accidentally lead him on?

Towards the end of the night he asked me when I was going to call him - and I said I had a few things I needed to sort out so definitely not before next week.  It wasn't really a real answer, but it bought me time.

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