Last week with ManFriend was very stressful. I wasn't sleeping and opportunities kept coming up that encouraged me to over drink.
On Saturday I messaged one of the local people I knew if he & his people were out because I needed more alcohol and needed to smile and laugh and forget about the stress ManFriend was causing me. I don't have friends, and well, I didn't want to be alone at a bar. I had that family holiday party and was exhausted, but I decided to go out at 11 since it was around the corner.
I get there and really it is just me and that guy talking...he told me a few times that he found me attractive and wanted to take me out to dinner, or accompany me on a hike or a few other options. I found myself smiling and laughing - at times it was genuine and other times it was slightly uncomfortable. I started to wonder if I was on a pre-date.
I was not prepared for a pre-date. I mean, all I think about is ManFriend. I am completely attracted to him and I love being with him physically....but it isn't enough. This other gentleman was offering the other stuff I am lacking and it started to sound appealing.
As I started my second drink, I was considering my options...I mean, I don't think I am part of a couple anymore, so I am free to date. And sure, I know I am ready...but I am still hesitant to do anything with this particular gentleman.
But I also feel a little guilty. Did I accidentally lead him on?
Towards the end of the night he asked me when I was going to call him - and I said I had a few things I needed to sort out so definitely not before next week. It wasn't really a real answer, but it bought me time.