Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Day 28 - What if you were pregnant, what would you do?

Over the last few years, I have gone back and forth if I want a child.  I wanted a child 7+ years ago but realistically in the last 5 years I knew that it wasn't an option.  There are times I am happy I don't have a kid to tote around but most of the time I feel empty like I am missing out on something that I've wanted since I was 22. 

There are definitely people I wouldn't want to have a child with...and I think how could I be so reckless?  Which I guess leads to some of my long dry spells because I scare myself sometimes.  I can't imagine aborting a future child...but I wonder if I could give one up for adoption if the timing was wrong and making some couple's dream come true. 

On the other hand, it is something I've wanted for so long that if I get pregnant, I hope it is with someone I am somewhat attracted to (I have a huge fear of thinking my kid is ugly & then they'll have a harder life in school).  I am not expecting a casual sex encounter to lead to staying/marrying the guy so I need to be ready to be a single parent, just in case.  

Of course I'd be happiest if I actually liked/loved a guy. That there was some sort of commitment and that we would raise our child together.

Long answer short...I would keep the baby and figure it out.

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