Saturday, January 17, 2015

indecisiveness leads to cold shoulder

I spent the weekend thinking about dating.  I wasn't 100% sure about guy #1, he seems really nice and I have a few small concerns...but that kiss.  It freaked me out.  I started to worry that he might be like ManFriend.  An amazing kisser, older...but would it be enough?  I loved the kissing, and the possibility of that and more happening started to make me nervous.  This was all happening very fast.  Was I really ready to date?

After two days, I decided I was.  Just because we kissed and if that continued sex, doesn't mean I have to know if I like him or not for the future.  Isn't that the whole point in dating?  It takes time.  I can't learn everything about him in a month.  Point is, I realized this and I was ready to continue.

But he got cold.  Apparently my hard to read wore on him.  I asked if we were going to see each other again, he said 'hopefully'.    I suggested date ideas.  nothing.  My stomach started to ache, it was craving more kissing.  I spent hours wondering how wrong I was?  We only had three dates.  Can't I have two days without commuting to anything to think?  Why the cold shoulder?  I apologized to him and told him I would explain my weekend if/when we saw each other.  Nothing.  I was about to give up completely, but I texted him an update on my interview.  That started a slow dialogue and again I apologized. He told me that he hopes to see me again and at 8:30pm and he invited me to stop by.   I called him out on it. I said, "a last minute invite when I live 35ish minutes away hardly counts.  You know that.  And what's with all the hoping?  When you decide, you know how to find me.  Til then."  He told me I was hard to read.  Am I? I have been nothing but honest.  I repeated my apology and briefly explained why freaked out a little bit.  He said he understood my past and I need to move forward and that I was a good kisser.

That was it.  Still no, "let's get together on ____".  Nothing.   I know he enjoyed our third date, you should have seen that smile after the kissing.  It wasn't fake, it was genuine.  If he was interested, he would ask me out again or respond yes when I ask him.  It's been 7 days since we've seen each other and counting.

I am not sure why I am upset by this.  I wasn't 100% sure about him, but yet, I still wanted to get to know him more.

Am I the only person that somehow fucks up dating this bad?  Maybe this is why I don't date, it is hard.  They lose interest really fast.  I don't think me needing two days to think should matter.  What am I doing wrong?

I guess I have to go back online.  It was just so over whelming and horrible.  And I am not really sure I want to continue the online dating thing.

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