Monday, July 22, 2013

need & wants of people

After my breakdown last month, my life coach suggested I write a list about what I need & expect from people that cause me stress.  here is my homework.

I love lists, so why not give this a try.

Wantto feel a need or a desire for; wish for
Needa requirement, necessary duty, or obligation 

What I want from a lover                                    What I need from a lover
*faithfulness                                                             *honesty
*honesty                                                                  *faithfulness
*a little romance                                                       *to feel comfortable around them
*reassurance                                                            *my family to like them
*emotional support                                                   *to like his family & friends
*happiness                                                               *companionship
*appreciation                                                           *love
*to be told they desire me                                         *adventure
*slightly more outgoing than me                                 *conversation
*encourage me to try new things/better myself           *to say thank you or show thanks
*to call/return call in timely manner                               in small ways
*value my time                                                      *respectful of others
                                                                                 *understands my fear
                                                                                 *to do things together

What I want from friends                                       What I need from friends
*to do things with                                                     *emotional support
*understanding that single life is different                    *no stupid excuses
  than theirs                                                               *to get together socially
*to call/return call in timely manner                             *respectful of others
*value my time                                                          *gratitude
*motivate me to do better                                          *time
*similar values                                                           *not to judge me
*similar sense of humor                                             *keep secrets
*no peer pressure
*no back stabbing, not overly gossipy
*similar interests
*gives good advice
*understands my fears
*can disagree with me w/o ruining friendship
*honest (food in teeth, dress makes me look fat, etc)
*to be set up on a blind date?

What I want from family                                       What I need from family
*understanding                                                         *understanding (single at 30
*to hang out, sometimes without the kids                     vs their lives)
*trust, don't doubt my answers                                  *to be treated as an adult
*not everything revolves around the kids                    *more decisiveness

These lists are just the beginning....soon I'll have to make my needs/wants/expectations known because having my needs met means I will be happier and less stressed.  I am a realist...I know broaching these subjects softly and maybe even slowly will needed and I am not going to discount someone just because they can't fulfil all my needs...But seriously, I am just tired of the way I let people treat me, it isn't right, and I am ready to stand up for myself and be a little more assertive.  baby steps.

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