Saturday, March 30, 2013

the ultimate compliment

Keeping the number of sexual partners low was something I strove for, I am not sure why exactly, maybe because I enjoy it a lot more when I like someone.  But I've done it with people I haven't really felt anything for and I survived just fine.

So what is my problem with telling someone I love them?  Why are those three words so hard to say?  At the current moment, I've said it to only one person.  And I know without a doubt I did overall...and at the time I said it, about 4 or 5 months into the relationship, I was 98% sure I did.  In that particular relationship we'd met each other's families, some friends, were seeing each other about 4 days per week, hung out/did things together.  Easy to know when you are falling in love when you spend so much time with someone.

I am 90% sure I love ManFriend.  It makes perfect sense...all the recent fighting.  It is because of love.  It is because I get so sad and mad when we aren't together. I miss him, and I know I want more.   However, the 10% is what is seriously making me doubt the can I love someone when I don't spend so much time with them or when I haven't met any friends or family?  Then again....I've known him for 15 months or so, so that is a long time.

Love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal attachment (

So, why is it so hard to tell someone that you love them for the first time?

I think it is because it is locking me in for a while.  I am not afraid of the commitment, not at all, I am more afraid of, is this it?  Our relationship isn't normal, and if I say I love him, will he think I am happy?

But they are just words.  If I change my mind, I change my mind.  It happens all the time.  I will not start throwing it around and saying it all the time, but certainly when you have an attraction and intense feelings why not tell that person how much they affect you.  It is one of the ultimate compliments.


  1. I really agree with all of the other comments over the past several weeks. Just please get rid of this guy, if it was love, you would know very soon and you would be walking on air. Instead, you always seem to be walking on eggshells, never knowing whether he would be available, call, or treat you decently. Please Denise, it's not love. It's like desperation. You want a guy, this guy is moving...... He will be harder to see. Give it up already....... And go do stuff for you. You sound like such a nice, deserving woman, who really deserves a decent, family guy....... Look at your bucket list and all of the uncrossed stuff on there...and do things for Denise......... And not for ManFriend.

    1. Thanks, yeah, working on my bucket list should be something I should do to end this/get over it faster.

  2. Denise, did you go see Vickie or Roisin?

    1. I've seen them both a few times. Most recently I did a private 1 hour session with Vickie.