After our 'date' on Sunday, ManFriend and I go back to his place. He start kissing. We keep kissing. I can't tell you how amazing all this kissing is. I get hot. I lose focus. I am utterly blissful. I am so in the moment that part of me is worried something is going to slip out of my mouth, that I refuse to say, but that I feel.
As we get up to move our kissing into the bedroom, I stand up and he tells me how beautiful I am. I am super happy hearing that. We kiss again - and he tells he is crazy about me. And I blurt out that I am crazy about him too, but it is really starting to scare me.
Are you wondering why I am scared about this revelation? It is because I am infuriated about so many things about him & us. How can I be crazy about a man when I hate our relationship?
It's the damn kissing. I am telling you it is amazing. But I can't let love kissing someone be what keeps me involved with him. I know nothing is going to change significantly enough for me to know this is all worth it.