You are going to think I am shallow after you finish reading this post...but whatever, they are my thoughts, my blog.
I occasionally try to do things out of my comfort zone - which normally involves doing something alone and/or talking to strangers.
I found a meetup where people were getting together to talk about travel and maybe finding someone you can travel with. I only signed up for the talk because they posted a trip that caught my eye...and I am in desperate need of a vacation. I am tired of not taking a vacation or going away because I don't have anyone to go with...so I figured why not try this?
I get there, and I was the first one - not surprising. So as people were coming in looking lost - I asked if they too were here for the meetup. So I chatted with the first person to arrive, and he was interesting - a world traveler. Little by little others drifted in; our organizer was no where to be found.
Then as we start doing our own introductions and getting the meeting together on our own, the music gets really loud. I have a sensory issue where once I hear music, I do not hear people talking. Add to that all the accents I had to decipher and I was quickly becoming miserable.
And here is where I am going to be really honest. I was sitting there looking around at the 12 out of 33 people that showed up...and I started to wonder. Is this what my life is coming to? Are these the kinds of people I will have to become friendly with? Don't get me wrong, most of them were super nice. Some were extremely creepy, some looked 500% desperate. But...I felt so out of place. But why did I feel that way? I mean, I am desperate, I am super nice...I am not creepy, I don't think. But we were all there because we don't have people to travel with (ie- enough friends). I just never would approach any of those people to be a friend, for a date, or to even talk to at work. Sure, I am jumping to conclusions and judging people by their cover...but aside from the lack of friends, I don't know how much I would have in common with most of them....even if I was lucky enough to understand them when they spoke. I wanted to think I was not discriminatory...I like a variety of people. And even if I am not friendly with other people, doesn't mean I have a problem with them in general...you know all those stereotypes. But reality is...I don't want to be friends with everyone. On some level that must be wrong. I feel guilty about it, but it isn't going to change the fact I don't want to take a trip with someone.
So I stayed for 90 minutes and left a bit depressed.
I really need to get away. I really need new friends/a boyfriend/husband. I really need to be more open to being 'friends' with people I never thought I would ever be friends with because...well, it turns out I am one of them loser-like people.