Thursday, March 7, 2013

I'm a loser

You are going to think I am shallow after you finish reading this post...but whatever, they are my thoughts, my blog.

I occasionally try to do things out of my comfort zone - which normally involves doing something alone and/or talking to strangers.

I found a meetup where people were getting together to talk about travel and maybe finding someone you can travel with. I only signed up for the talk because they posted a trip that caught my eye...and I am in desperate need of a vacation.  I am tired of not taking a vacation or going away because I don't have anyone to go I figured why not try this?

I get there, and I was the first one - not surprising.  So as people were coming in looking lost - I asked if they too were here for the meetup.  So I chatted with the first person to arrive, and he was interesting - a world traveler.  Little by little others drifted in; our organizer was no where to be found.

Then as we start doing our own introductions and getting the meeting together on our own, the music gets really loud.  I have a sensory issue where once I hear music, I do not hear people talking.  Add to that all the accents I had to decipher and I was quickly becoming miserable.

And here is where I am going to be really honest.  I was sitting there looking around at the 12 out of 33 people that showed up...and I started to wonder.  Is this what my life is coming to?  Are these the kinds of people I will have to become friendly with?   Don't get me wrong, most of them were super nice.  Some were extremely creepy, some looked 500% desperate.  But...I felt so out of place.  But why did I feel that way?  I mean, I am desperate, I am super nice...I am not creepy, I don't think.  But we were all there because we don't have people to travel with (ie- enough friends).  I just never would approach any of those people to be a friend, for a date, or to even talk to at work.  Sure, I am jumping to conclusions and judging people by their cover...but aside from the lack of friends, I don't know how much I would have in common with most of them....even if I was lucky enough to understand them when they spoke.  I wanted to think I was not discriminatory...I like a variety of people.  And even if I am not friendly with other people, doesn't mean I have a problem with them in know all those stereotypes.   But reality is...I don't want to be friends with everyone.  On some level that must be wrong.  I feel guilty about it, but it isn't going to change the fact I don't want to take a trip with someone.

So I stayed for 90 minutes and left a bit depressed.

I really need to get away.  I really need new friends/a boyfriend/husband.  I really need to be more open to being 'friends' with people I never thought I would ever be friends with because...well, it turns out I am one of them loser-like people.

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