I can't tell you want a stressful evening I had.
It started off well. I was looking forward to watching some (aka, a lot) of basketball and seeing ManFriend later. But I kind of flipped out when I found out that his plans were cancelled for the day, and he was home, after I told him on Friday that I wanted to spend a weekend day with him. I don't understand. I really just don't get it. And I also found out this evening he put down a deposit for an apartment in NJ...so he will be about an hour away from me, something I knew was coming, and something that has been on the back of my mind for 3-4 months...was he just using me until he moved? or where his feelings real? I shouldn't have to ask that, and if I do, I know that means it isn't right...so don't holler that at me.
I don't think I was hurtful in my messages, neither was he, but he has a way to twist things around and make ME feel guilty. SI did that all the time too...is that a man quality? I don't understand. I've been above and beyond the call of friend/girlfriend/lover. And I am fully aware if that he doesn't get it or want more, I don't make him happy enough. Stupid me keeps trying, getting nothing in return except frustration - and yet, when the conversation ends, I feel guilty. I feel sad. I loose sleep.
So what started out as what I thought was going to be a nice night, maybe a stayover turned into a "I am not happy, I can't do this anymore, I am not happy in this 'relationship'" conversation. My belly started to turn, I felt it, I wasn't expecting it. I was with my family so no tears were involved, but my belly turned. We texted a bit more and I really don't know where we stand.
Based on previous situations, we'll not talk for a week, then I'll suck it up and go over there. We'll kiss....and then I am back where I started.
And on top of that...did you watch the Marquette-Butler game? Oh My Goodness. A great, edge of your seat game. I am starting to get too old to have watchers anxiety.
Oh, you'll like this. So yesterday I tell 1/2 the family about ManFriend based on the group brackets we have. Today, the other 1/2 of my family didn't notice ManFriend's name. And when my brother-in-law did, he assumed it was someone else's boyfriend because statistically the odds of me meeting/dating someone are slim. Even some of my family lost faith I can find someone.