Sunday, March 10, 2013

The breakup #5

My frustration level hit a peak last week - I was out with my bookclub ladies really close to where ManFriend lives.  So I texted him that I was around the corner, maybe he wanted to get together for a little while - many months ago he said I needed to be more spontaneous and not plan everything.  What better way to be spontaneous than a half hour visit at the last minute, midweek?

But what do I get?  "not today, maybe tomorrow?"

I had plans the next night...nothing crazy, I just decided to go to a travel meetup.  I knew getting together with ManFriend would have been more fun, but I needed to do something like this anyway...who knows who I might have met there....a husband? A friend? a travel partner?

So, I lost it.

ManFriend - Or we could just hang out tomorrow?
Me - I have plans tomorrow, sorry
ManFriend - Damn!
Me - Well, if you made plans with me more than 15 hours I'd be more available, but I seem to have a lot of free time these days, and I am trying to fill it.
ManFriend - I had to try
Me - It is very frustrating that sometimes you say things like - stop over anytime or we can see each other for a few minutes mid week.  And when I try I am always rejected.  We only get together when you want to.  I don't know if I can work that way anymore.
ManFriend - I'm sorry you feel that way.  And it shouldn't always be that way.  Agreed.  It would have been wonderful to see you
Me - Well, now you know something else that bothers me
ManFriend - You made that very clear
Me - You seem annoyed I shared that
ManFriend - Not at all. I'm glad you said that
Me - I've been thinking about it for months
ManFriend - Then you should have said something sooner.  Can't change if I don't know about it.
Me - People don't really change.  I kept trying....kept thinking one days will be different.  And I've said it in fewer words.  I didn't want to be perceived as demanding or crazy or hard to please
ManFriend - You are none of those things.

And that was 5 days ago.  I didn't realize telling him I was frustrated was the end.  I mean, I know it is fine because this wasn't what I wanted...and I can't really believe he was surprised with my observation - I mean....doesn't he realize that I always go there? That I cook for him, that I take him out to dinner/drinks, that when he calls, I go over.   And doesn't he ever think...what do I do for that sweet gal?  Nothing.  Maybe he thinks having sex with him is my treat...but it isn't because I do all the work 95% of the time.  I was happy when I donated blood and he wanted to have sex...and I can't engage in physical activity that he was forced to get on top for a change.  Anyway, I am getting off topic.

One would think after you share something like that, if someone was interested in you, they would do something to show you they care.  This lack of communication and outreach further proves that his mentality is so different than mine.  We are completely different pages.

So, I wonder if he will reach out like nothing happened or will he continue to avoid me and be done with it.

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