Change is hard.
A few years ago I was forced to go from being in a relationship & living with someone to spending my days and nights alone. It was the hardest thing to re-adjust not sending messages to someone throughout the day, sleeping alone, not doing everyday things anymore because it was no longer relevant. And it happened so fast. I would cry and think I was not cut out to be single. That I work so well in a relationship. That being in a relationship would make me happy. My life goals mostly reflected around having that someone there that I would share my life with.
Over the last 2 years, I have adjusted OK, it was the hardest thing I have had to do, but I learned how to be alone. I started to really enjoy it. I realized that I was able to not have to compromise on what TV program to watch. I didn't have to listen to crappy music on long drives, I didn't have to pick up socks off the floor, I was able to purchase the kind of couch I liked and hung pictures I liked on the walls, I can sleep without being woken up by snoring, I don't have stress of fights/disagreements/, no BS, no lies. I can be selfish. I started a new routine. I bought a king size bed and sleep on the WHOLE thing, because I can. Sure, I miss having someone to talk to at dinner, or knowing I'd have a date to a wedding or take a trip with a specific person...but overall, I finally adjusted.
This past weekend I was away. During some free time, I was strolling the streets (well, not really strolling, I don't know how to walk that slow and without purpose, I am from NY) and was getting so agitated that the couple in front of me was all lovey-dovey. And I realized that I might not want to be like that. I think I am finally OK with being alone, and that my life could be just fine without that someone. What a huge realization.
I can probably go either way. If I met someone - I can marry, but if not...well, it isn't the end of the world like I thought it would be. If I met someone, trying to re-adjust to adding time for him in my life would be difficult. Since I have not really dated in four years, I am not used to having someone else around. For instance, at first you see someone once a week. No problem. But then you like them...and want to see more of them...this is the hard part. I know it will be gradual so hopefully it won't be as hard as the sudden change but when it comes down to it change is hard.
With this new realization that I can be happy being single, I am going to make sure I pick up the momentum and find things to make having a long life being single more enjoyable. Because the hardest part is all the time spent alone (and watching all the other couples). I don't need anyone; I would have liked someone - Sure that extra income would be great to pay the bills, and the companionship is nice to have a support system. But if done right, being single could work out to my benefit. I have a lot of work cut out for me to ensure that 1) I have/make enough money to support myself and my future 2) not be jealous when others are happy and find love 3) make new friends, perhaps also single. Join groups. Find more people to socialize with 4) decide about raising a family on my own. 5) find hobbies I enjoy. Go out. Don't say in all the time. 6) realize that so many people would want to be in MY shoes. So take advantage of not being tied down to a husband or children.
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