The other night, on the way back from the beach, sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, I received a text message from someone that was not in my contacts. Of course I respond with "who are you" and once a name is given...I ask for a last name because surely the name provided I only know one person who decided to de-friend me a year or two ago. Turns out it was him. We ended up texting for quite a while. Same story over and over again.
I am such a nice person. He feels really bad for ending our friendship. He has been thinking about what a nice person I am and that I didn't deserve for him to stop talking to me when his life was changing. Blah Blah Blah. I have gotten this from 1 girl and 6 guys or so in the last 3 years. Most of which I never even dated. This guy - slightly different. In middle and high school we had opposite crushes on each other. When I'd like him, he liked someone else. When he liked me, I liked someone else. It never worked out. At one point in college we actually made out for a little while and that was it. He found me again a little over 4 years ago, while I was happily committed and although he asked if there was any way we could date, I said no...who knew I'd be single just a month later? We did hang out a few times after I moved back home, but I was in no state of mind to do much of anything with a boy. I still felt like I was cheating on SI, even though I wouldn't have been. We did make out one time and it totally freaked me out. He ended up dating this other girl, getting her pregnant and ended up marrying her, which is why he stopped talking to me (he thought I would be a distraction -- hmm, doesn't it take two people to decide to have a relationship...I didn't want one with him). Not a big deal. I liked having a guy perspective, but it didn't bother me at all when we didn't talk.
I just don't get it. I have had this happen so many times. I understand people grow apart and don't have the desire to be friends, but I told a girl that I couldn't be her friend because I did not like the way she kept cancelling on me and causing too much drama. You can end friendships the civilized way now that we are adults, but more than not, people just stop talking to you....but then their conscience seems to eat away at them and a few years later they miss you. I don't have much to say in return. The relationship will never be the same.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciated his apology - but is it too little too late? And what is their real motive for reaching out now?
Does it seem like he just misses the friendship or like he might be wanting to get into a relationship with you (either straying from his wife or I guess maybe they have divorced and now he wants to date you).
ReplyDeleteEither way, if you don't want to rekindle the friendship then don't. It's not worth spending the time and effort on friendships that don't work.
Good luck!