Saturday, August 7, 2010

Book Review: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

A friend strongly recommended I read this book. So I got it out from the library and began reading. I was very turned off in the first chapter how the author goes over "how did we get here?" here of course being old and still single. She really focuses on how women are too picky and because of that are still single, and may never get married if we don't change. So, while this does make 100% perfect sense, I felt like I was left out...and all the other now single women who were NOT picky in their 20s but ended up single because their partner had lied, cheated, and whatever else and even though you maybe would want them back, everyone in the world knew that it would be the worst thing for you. We didn't think we'd be single and we didn't believe there was someone better out there. We were ready. I had my four years in a relationship and I wanted to last forever. But then I had four more years wasted in waiting for him to 'fix it' - I was left single.

It took a while to develop the reason to want to pick up the book and begin reading again. But I eventually did. Chapter two I was able to relate to more. When I was younger, like in high school or early college, I thought about checklists. But I didn't really use it. And later, I ended up dating someone who would never have been my type, but that I loved more than anything and even to this day, I look at this average not good looking guy and melt. I too thought about a matchmaker and the 'wants' versus the 'why'. Later on, it really hits home that I need to change. the, 'It's not him, it's you' section was an eye opener - but I also felt like, I've tried that, but it is a good reminder. I think I've only taken little steps and should take a bigger leap.

I kept reading. Chapter 3 Making Smarter Choices bothered me a little that so many women are like this (this picky)...but at least they seem to have an easy time finding dates. And this is where I think I realized...I won't have a problem finding love and being happy IF I CAN GET A DATE. I know enough to not be overly picky, but somethings are deal breakers. But I am willing to be more (yes, I have room to grow) open...I have even mentioned that in past posts and by trying something new. I had a hard time with all the online dating stories in the book.]

Once I got to part four, I was reading faster. "what really matters?" There have been a few times I have referred to love and marriage like a business, and I was happy to see that in this book. Four years ago, I was trying to convince SI that we made a perfect 'team' and balanced each other enough to make it run smoothly at home. I've also talked about arranged marriages - and how I am intrigued by how well they work. The book shed some light into why, and again, all the things I have spoken about are on par with the book. A good sign?

The 'business' end, of our (SI) relationship was perfect. I was fully adjusted knowing he was not the most attractive guy for me, or that it bugged me his socks were all over the house, but those weren't things that I would ever consider breaking up over. He had a lot of faults that I didn't like, but at no time would I have ever considered them deal breakers, but as it turns out, he essentially did. If he was annoyed by something I did, instead of telling me, he just went out and found my opposite and dated her also.

The idea of having someone who is good enough, is not settling, and I never believed it was. On the day I finished the book I was wearing a pink top - and the author writes, "hey you, in the pink shirt"... and I was like, yea, I'll take some of what you said and apply it to my life. This book, while written to scare women into changing, helped me realize that a lot of my ideals will eventually be correct. I am a lot more optimistic knowing that my philosophies on some areas are what many people would agree to and I was super happy to learn that kindness was the top trait (which is me).

I might not date a lot, but I know that once I find someone with the same set of values and my top three 'wants' I will be happy.

If you are young I think you should read this book. If you make lists of what you think your ideal mate should be like, I think you should read this book. If you are unhappy in your marriage, I think you should read this book. And if you are a serial dater - you should read this book.


  1. Honestly Denise, some of the things you say you "don't do", you totally do (I say this with love). I don't think the point was that EVERYONE is too picky when they're young. I certainly was not. I definitely think, that you think, you have a "type" and that you usually do not sway from it.

    I don't know... I thought you'd take away some other points from the book, which I don't think you did.

    For me, although I'm not many of the things she addressed in the book, I know that sometimes I look for different things in a "boyfriend" that may not be what I want in a "husband". And just remembering that even if you aren't IMMEDIATELY 100% ENTHRALLED with someone, doesn't mean you won't be a match in time, when you actually get to know someone.

    The chapter when she was online dating reminded me of you... just sayin :)

    Anywhoodle... I'm glad you read it, and sorry you didn't like it much. I hope you remember some of the good things. I just liked it because it opens your eyes about certain aspects of dating and marriage that you can sometimes forget (or in my case, didn't even know to begin with).

    Just go forward with an open heart! (you can do it!! hehee) and try (although is VERY DIFFICULT) to not taint new relationships with baggage from the past. I'm currently having that problem with Mr. Man. He's been so hurt and damaged by previous relationships, I'm having a really hard time getting him to open up and trust ME, which I'm totally wonderful, but I'm not sure if he'll ever really let me in those guarded walls for him to find out... We'll see in time.

    Love you lots and I have high hopes for you in the future!! :) --McG

  2. Honest feedback, thanks...since I haven't dated anyone, I don't know if you can really say that about me. In the last two years I've been on dates with a guy covered in tattoos & body piercings, an arrogant divorced father, a latino, a red head, a balding divorced short fat guy, an older dorky guy that had so much hair he could have been a gorilla, a high school dropout, and what seemed like a normal guy. If I was THAT picky, I wouldn't have gone out with those guys at all. And I didn't dismiss them because of what I said above, but because our 'values' were completely different and more than half I went out with about 4 times or more.