Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Forgiveness 102

Well, I did it. After yesterday's post, I sat at work and started my lists. I will recommend however, that if you start your forgiveness lists, you do it at home, not at work. As I type away at work, trying to first remember all the things that made me mad/sad/angry and then things I liked/loved, I started to cry. Sure, no surprise there. Those are powerful memories. It didn't bother me so much crying at work, because, unfortunately, it isn't a new thing. Sad to say that 98% of my co-workers have seen me cry/tears in my eyes, at one point or another over the last 4 years. It helps that I also work in a small office with under 18 people.

Anyway, it took several hours off and on. I know when I was laying in bed last night, I thought of other things to add to my list, but couldn't remember half of them when I woke up this morning...don't you hate when that happens? I had my three sections. The fourth part is to forgive, so I actually wrote a few paragraphs about that too.

I have to say that I felt a little better this morning when I woke up. Lighter, like it wasn't such a burden to carry around. Although I find it hard to believe that it would work, just like that. So, I am crediting that light feeling to how I slept last night - perhaps I had good dreams.

Either way, I think it was a good exercise. One that I will probably do again in the future when the need arises. I suggest that if you are angry/upset with anyone - parent, sibling, husband, lover, etc, that you try this. There is something to be said about putting it all done in one spot. We think about things over and over again - but it is more coherent when written and perhaps spoken aloud.

Update: I received the nicest response to my forgiveness email. One that brought tears (again) to my eyes at work. And as I am reading it, I knew that deep down SI was a great person. It just turns out he still had a lot of growing up to do and he wasn't ready for what we had. I sincerely believe that what we had was real and amazing. And now hope that I can move on and grow from his response. Perhaps this is what I needed all along.

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