Friday, June 18, 2010

Dear Bank Boy:

Dear Bank Boy,

First I would like to tell you how fortunate I was to work with you 8 years ago. When I was 22, I really enjoyed our casual flirting while I tried to figure out the complicated adult relationships. Flirting helps one self esteem and I would like to think that you help make me secure enough in how I looked for when I found my boyfriend, SI.

Now having been reconnected through FaceBook, we have been able to catch up, for that I was happy about. A lot happens in 6 years and I did think of you often while you were serving our country.

What happened last year, as you know, was a drunken disaster. I will agree it was entertaining, but since that night, our 'friendship' has gotten strange. While I was very excited that you enjoyed your nightcap, and my self esteem was able to inch its way up a little, the constant asking when it would happen again was exhausting. More recently, I thought that perhaps a second go at it this year - provided there were no strings would help my craving (and not count as far as additional numbers) proved to be the same. While I was more comfortable with the idea this time around, it should not be this hard or complicated.

I will admit that every time I hear my phone signal I have a text - I dread looking down and seeing if it is from you asking "When can I get some?" or "Feel like an hour visit?" or "Need company". The constant badgering me makes me want to see you even less. I have told you this, repeatedly.

Also, when I say no, I do not want to have a 20 minute text message conversation about my issues, why not, if I have company over, how you don't 'get me' or about how you "think I want it too but can't admit it". If I wanted it, I would let you know - just like the last time.

I informed you that I didn't want strings or something more than casual. I was not looking for someone I had to talk (IM, text included) to everyday.

I am a single woman who had spent years in a monogamous relationship. I have no idea how to be single and honestly, the thought of sleeping around disgusts me. I'd rather not do it. The few times I have tried to venture out of my comfort zone to try satisfying those needs - have mostly been horrible and not worth it. It is very difficult to enjoy sex when you don't have any feelings for a person, it is slightly easier when you are drunk. But what does being drunk all the time say? It says it shouldn't be happening in the first place.

As much as I am thrilled that you desire me & I should disregard thoughts that maybe I'm not good in bed since clearly, I must be good enough for you to harass me over the last 15 months. I must insist that this charade end. It is wearing me down.

I would like to thank you for helping improve my sexual self esteem. As you can imagine when SI cheated on me with an ex-stripper, it was very difficult to deal with - but he kept me around too. Although I've had enough 'blasts from the past' to let me know that I am actually quite good in bed - when I want to be. I am very much looking forward to my next relationship, and I am sorry to have to say you won't be it. To that end, I would like to say 'good bye'.


And for your enjoyment, some amazing text/IM conversations we have had:

April 21: BB - sleeping? ME - if I was, would you feel bad? BB -actually yes, i don't want to bother you when you are sleeping unless I'm next to you. ME - are you drunk? BB- no, do you want me to be? ME - I honestly don't care one way or the other. To what do I owe this chat? BB-I know you don't care about me, just wanted to say hi....and to see when you're gonna let me undress you again. ME - I like you as a person. BB- what other ways can you like a person? I think you want it just like I do, but too 'afraid' to admit it.

April 24 1:27AM. BB - sleeping? ME- this is unacceptable. That is a warning. BB - ??? ME (6:19AM) - see, you prob don't like to be woken up. Don't text me in middle of night.

May 5: BB - Cinco de mayo. Me- Yup. BB - Maybe I can see you later, just tell me the time and I'll be there. Me - nope, girls night. BB - after you're done with them. ME -Nope. BB - that's wrong. BB (10:22pm) I'm waiting for you. ME - sleeping. BB - Need company?

May 11: BB - When am I going to try your cooking again?

May 17: BB - When am I going to have the privilege of trying your food again?

May 19: BB - When can we meet? ME - STOP. BB- What do you mean? ME - Everyday? Are you going to ask that EVERY DAY? BB- I am asking this because I'd like to see you and I strongly believe that you feel the same, but you keep playing this game. ME - it is really annoying on a daily basis. Just relax a bit.

May 28: BB - still moody? ME - moody with everyone. BB- what can i do to help. ME - you cant. BB - I can try. ME - what with sex? I can sustain w/o that. BB - but that isn't healthy. ME- casual sex isn't the answer, and I have a feeling you'd get a little clingy. BB - well, you are wrong, I only wish we can hang out again. I'm not clingy. if I've been insistent, its because I liked what we had and wish we can repeat it..... (later) I'm not asking you to marry or be my girlfriend, i just want to hang out.

Then I did 'hang out'

June 7: BB - do you want to meet up sometime this week? ME: super busy week (it wasn't). BB - not even for an hour visit? ME- nope. BB - I see. I guess i am done again? ME - why must you label it? if it happens it happens. but i said casual. i wasn't looking for once or more a week. BB- I'm not either but I kinda wanted a second time

June 8: BB- how is your night? ME - fine. BB - so is there any chance to have #3 this week? (later) ????? ME - text messages don't mean instant response.

June 13: BB - Feel like an hour visit? ME - nope. (later) BB - When can I get some?

June 16 via FB Chat:
9.04pm BB - Hello Ms.Moody. ME- I'm not moody. BB-OK but you always have a tone of an attitude. You have an attitude towards everything I do. ME- OR you are just not happy with my responses. BB- why are you like that with me. ME - because you question everything. BB- its not that, I asked a question, that is it. I don't get you. ME- I don't know, I just re-read our conversation I don't see why you are upset. BB - Sometimes I don't know how to deal with it. ME-You don't need to deal with it. BB - we F*ck and then...nothing. ME - ...and then what? I told you straight up I didn't want anything else. BB - but with you, you never know. ME - well, I am sorry that it bothers you but it is nothing new. BB - I enjoy having 'casual' sex with you. I really do. When can we do it again? ME - I am going to sleep. goodnight.

June 22: BB-I thought about you over the weekend.

June 23: BB- Must be busy... ME- Yes busy, and I think it would be best if we didn't text for a while. BB- Why is that? ME- Do I need a reason? I just can't handle this. BB- Handle what? A text message? ME- I am so flattered that you are interested. I am. And for good reasons. However I can't handle all the communication and your persistance. You are a nice guy. I am just not in the same place as you. BB- I don't want a relationship, I like what we do when we get together and I thought you did too. BB- If you want me to be sincere, I like having sex with you. BB- I like taking your clothes off. Have your **** in my mouth. ME- I wonder if I can block phone numbers....I might have to look into that. Those are the kinds of texts that make me want to see/talk to you even less.

I KID YOU NOT these are verbatim conversations....how would YOU deal with it? Now if only I had the guts to send that first part. But I am too nice for that.

3 comments:

  1. Tell him to stop being a creep, its not very becoming!

    ReplyDelete
  2. holy wow. I'd just stop responding all together. He seems very clingey, and he's looking for something that you clearly are not. Any contact you give him will be just egging him on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i agree- just stop responding. holy clingy! and your first part is too nice to send anyways, those wouldnt be my choice words :)

    ReplyDelete