Thursday, May 20, 2010

How to ditch a girl in 96 hours

Most of us ladies should have seen the romantic comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. I have a crush on Matthew - he is so NOT my type, but he has nice hair and makes cute facial expressions. Anyway, today's post is based in part on this movie. For those of you who haven't seen it - the gist of it is that Matthew's character has a bet with two female co-workers that he can make a woman fall in love with him, if he wins he gets some Ad job. Kate's character is writing an article about how to lose a guy in 10 days, if she wins - she gets to write better stories at her job. So while Matthew is trying so hard to get Kate to fall in love, Kate is doing things to annoy Matthew so much that she hopes he'd back off and end the romance.

So without further ado, here is my how to ditch a girl in 96 hours:
  • Blatantly check out every single female around AND comment to me about how hot they are and/or that you want to 'tap that'
  • More than three times in a day, suggesting to others that I can be swapped
  • Laugh-snort at me when I ask if you'd like to have sex
  • Constantly telling people I am too nice, after a while it is just constant reminder of a flaw
  • Intentionally ignoring me
  • Opening the car door before the car stops to drop me off and then tires spinning as you speed off
  • Its ok if you complain about something, but if I did, it is not acceptable
  • Annoyed at the fact I am not an alcoholic and can not drink from 10 am - 10 pm. I suppose I am more of a binge drinker. I'd rather drink more in a shorter period of time and get tipsy/drunk than to spend the whole day drinking and perhaps fall asleep too early.
  • Endlessly talking about an ex-wife but yet if I bring up a time/story from an old relationship - I am not over it, need to move on and carry too much baggage...but its OK for you since you were married - because a relationship of 6-7 years apparently means it isn't serious and I wouldn't understand
  • Every time you fart (which was often) you tell me you 'shit your pants'
  • Hoping & praying to find others to talk to so you don't have to talk/look at me
  • Not offering to rub sunscreen on my back
  • Incessantly talk about your child. Sure, I love children and don't mind some talk, however there is a limit on this
  • Walking so far in front of me, that I wonder if you'll leave me in the airport parking lot
  • Not asking the gal questions after she has asked you a few. Conversation focused solely around you
  • Constantly pointing out to other men how large my breasts are

Do any two maybe three of these things, and I can get the hint EASILY. There is no need to do them all. Guys gotta realize that excessive behavior is a major turnoff anyway. And MAYBE just maybe, we are sitting there, thinking the exact same thing as you, but we are handling it a lot better by silently laughing to ourselves hoping the trip will end.

I try not to judge a book by its cover - in fact, I've been trying to open up to new ideas. BUT there is a reason why we need to trust our guts and first impressions seem to be right.


  1. HOLY MOLY!!

    i cannot believe you had to go through that! No one ever should be treated like that, i am so sorry! What a true ass he is and an even bigger one for not realizing what he is missing with you.. some people really are just a waste of space :/


    That's not even a turn-off, its a turn-around-and-run-away! I wouldn't even consider this guy a friend. You don't need this in your life.


  3. Please tell me these are all hypothetical stories. Or, at the very least, they aren't all true of the same individual.

    Because if they are, I'd be first in line to eliminate any chance of him every being able to procreate. Or have sex again, for that matter.

    I know a lot of disrespectful douchebags, but this guy? This guy is like something out of a horror movie.

    Wow. Just Wow.