Friday, January 10, 2014

shutting my mouth

My family is very close, we know a lot about each other and spend a lot of time hanging out and talking. It is so wonderful to have people that I can do that with.

However, like anything there is good and bad with everything.

After the SI fiasco, my family became very concerned about me and did everything they could to make me feel better and fit into their lives.  They took pity on me and tried to shelter me from further pain...all so selfless, and I needed them to mend.

But they couldn't bear to see me get hurt again.  I started to not tell them some of the lies SI was telling me about still getting back together and having our future because how many times could I say that - it was like I was the boy who cried wolf.  They knew it was never going to happen, I didn't.  I stopped telling them because I didn't want to hear them tell me things I didn't want to hear.

If I told my family I had a date, they'd all want to know the details.  And if I said the guy was OK, they were practically planning a wedding.  They were overly hopeful that the next guy to come into the picture was going to be the one.  They wanted that so badly for me; to be happy.  But just because a date wasn't bad doesn't mean it is going to go anywhere.

Unfortunately all my family is married - they don't understand the fundamentals of dating and how complicated it is and how bad the dating pool is.  They don't necessarily understand that just because two people are single that they don't mesh.

When I was hanging out with ManFriend I decided not to tell my family too much. My sisters knew more than my parents, but I didn't want them up my butt all the time asking me questions.  I felt bad about it and I know it isn't right to be talking to someone for a year and a half and not meet your family when you are so close, but I knew he wasn't the what was the point?

But I made the mistake of telling my family about Mountain Man back in August after I met him, but I was so happy.  They are curious about what is happening and ask a lot of questions.  They don't get that even though it has been 5 months - that we aren't dating exclusively....I am not even sure if we are dating.  It is complicated. And I come back from my recent trip and they all want to know how it was and what happened...I am not sure what they were hoping for - I still barely know the man. One nephew told my parents I was engaged....and my mother believed it...that is the kind of fantasy world they live in.  I know they want me to be happy and get I even need to finish this thought?

It was my mistake to tell them about the guy...but I figured I kept so many secrets about other guys in the past, maybe that wasn't the right option...but keeping them in the vague loop isn't good either.  Both parties really need to understand that them asking so many questions and getting their hopes up isn't good for me because they will be disappointed in the end...and I need to figure out better boundaries on what I should share and not.

Just another reason why I need to separate myself from my family a little bit more.

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