Thursday, January 23, 2014

A farewell to Man Friend

When I was on a 9 hour layover on January 3rd I messaged ManFriend to see how he was and how his treatment was going.  He recently had a 16 day hospital stay, lost 30 pounds and was on medical leave.  It didn't sound good.  I suggested a cheer up visit but he said to wait a few weeks so he could get stronger.  This past weekend I decided to bake some cookies even though I knew he probably wouldn't have been able to eat them; but what else do you give to someone who is so sick?

But it turns out he knew he wasn't getting stronger. Upon the delivery of my cookies, his mother called me.  He passed away 12 days ago.

Most of you read a lot about ManFriend over the course of two and a half years...we had a strange relationship...but one that really affected me.

We came into each others lives at a time when we were both so sad and depressed for different reasons. For me, he was a very late rebound.  time for me to allow another man back into my life that I can help and love and hate and spend time with.  For him, I think I was someone to hang out with, while he was very much to himself, we spent quiet times doing nothing together and we kissed so amazingly together.

I knew he wasn't 'the one' but his death still saddens me.  He was only 43.  I thought I'd talk to him again, and I know he knew how much I cared for him at one point in my life...but I'd rather have re-told him that than thinking I hated him for how he acted last June.  But I understand why he elected not to tell people; can you imagine having that whole - I am dying this is our last conversation - over and over again.  When you are so sick, that is a lot of energy and he is hard on both people.

So, Neil...thank you for the memories and the lessons I learned from you.  You will have a special place in my heart, always.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that. I know you had a difficult relationship, but it's terrible to lose someone who was so young regardless of circumstances. Thinking of you and his family.