Monday, January 27, 2014

doesn't care about me

I think the thing with Mountain Man needs to be over.

If there is one thing I learned from ManFriend, it was that I didn't want love to be difficult; I didn't want to feel like a guy didn't like me even though they claim they do; and I didn't want to put way more into a relationship than I was getting.  I want a guy to pay attention to me and be connected physically and emotionally.

After New Years, I cut back on chatting with him because I didn't really feel like he was into me during our last visit.  Fine.  I said to myself and to him in November that I am not going to convince or persuade someone to like me.  I am a good catch and if someone doesn't want to be with me, I am not going to pressure them and I am certainly not going to wait around for them.  I learned that from SI.

But he'd message me every few days, of course I'd respond.  And it was always nice, I enjoy chatting with him.  It makes me smile.

But last week, he was the first person I told about the death of ManFriend and I asked him to tell me a joke or something funny to cheer me up.  He couldn't think of anything.  We chatted a little bit over the weekend and we talked about something stressful at his job and I followed up with him a few times - to see if he was OK and whatnot.  But he never followed up with me about how I was feeling.

Alas, he doesn't care about me.

I can't say I am surprised.  But I am a little disappointed.  I don't met guys often or easily and I certainly don't find ones I can have really great conversations with.

So what now?  I could just tell him that I am done chatting with him....but if anything we've been more friends than anything else, is there a point to stop talking altogether?  It isn't like he lives close and we'd hang out and I'd be obsessing over if anything will happen.  I'll keep chatting, on his terms and eventually a few days in between conversations will turn into a few weeks into months and then fade altogether.

Of course I'll miss chatting with Mountain Man.  After the end of ManFriend, I met him and I realized there are still some nice guys out there.  I started to enjoy getting to know someone again and it reminded me that I don't want to lose hope on that what if of meeting someone else.  But, I want a guy who is interested in me and what I am going through.

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