Wednesday, February 22, 2012

30 things to do and not do for yourself

I came across these two articles and I just had to share them.  I see a life coach once a month to work on my goals, and I really enjoy it.  However I feel like I have been on a standstill forever.  I want change but I have not done anything to get there.  When I read the article it helped remind me of the much needed change I am craving and other reminders about living a better life.

The first article is 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.  I am just going to highlight some of his 'things' and how it relates to me.
  1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. - This is actually part of my 30 goals for my 30s.  Get rid of toxic relationships.  The wrong people bring you down and add un-needed stress.
  2. Stop running from your problems. – That is all I have been doing for the last 5 years.  The good thing is I am not in denial anymore. Now is the time to start fixing them.
  3. Stop lying to yourself. – Again, I pretend to be in denial, I hope things will get better...but until I stop lying to myself, I won't be happy.
  4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – I don't have a family of my own yet, so I know this isn't out of control, but I do have instances where I put others above me and I need to remember that I deserve to be happy and fulfilled too. 
  5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – I am happy to report I think I have this under control :)
  6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.  I was finally able to let go of my past with SI and I really hope that soon things will start falling into place.
  7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. –  I am very scared of leaping into what I want to do for fear it is the wrong choice, or that it won't work out.  I have to just trust my gut and hope that it does...and what is the worst thing that will happen if it doesn't? I'll figure it out. 
  8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – Yes, I hold on to things I've done wrong...I want to learn from them so maybe I won't make them again, but instead I tend to beat myself up over them. 
  9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – I think my credit card company will attest that I spend more than I should.  The good news is that this was my goal for this year. 
  10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – Funny, I just posted about this.  I do look to others for happiness since I am having trouble finding it on my own.  However, I know logically that I am responsible for my own happiness.  The author of the article tells us that we have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else - I need stability, I haven't had that in years.
  11. Stop being idle. – I over think. It is what I do because I have way too much free time.  I also can't get to where I want to be if I only dream about it and not take action.  I need to work on this quick!
  12.  Stop thinking you’re not ready. –  More reiteration here.  I am not ready for the changes I want, but I am not happy with where I am.  I have to take that leap out of my comfort zone.
  13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – I think I am mostly OK here, see I was too scared to jump into a relationship after SI, so I haven't. Not one in the last 5+ years.  It is sad, but I know I needed time to heal, and I did.  I am probably going to be very hesitant with any new relationship because I will NEVER go through something so horrible again.  It isn't worth it.
  14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – I am guilty of this.  I don't let guys get to far; I rule them out too soon.  
  15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Not regularly, but on occasion I look at someone and want what they have. I am certainly not trying to compete with them. 
  16. Stop being jealous of others. – I do get jealous of what other people have.  My 'friends' who are married, have children, travel a lot, etc.  I wonder how they got so lucky to succeed in all the areas I fail at.  But once in a while, I try to think of what they think of me...I am the non-attached one. I am getting sleep at night and not fighting with a husband or dealing with contractors.  I am more 'carefree' in their eyes.  And while I don't think it is anything to be jealous of, they do.  The grass is always greener on the other side right?
  17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – I need to do this.  I do feel sorry for myself and my life is being wasted.  I need to remember that things happen for a reason and someday I will look back and laugh.  
  18. Stop holding grudges. – This is important and I want to say that I tackled this last year.  Once I forgave SI, I was able to be a little happier.  I met up with an old friend and we had a small pointless talk, but I did it. I accepted her invitation instead of holding my grudge out.  It didn't affect anything, but it made me less stressful.  I wrote two blogs on forgiveness - it really is so important.
  19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – I need to refuse to lower my standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.  I tend to do this at work, and it really bothers me.
  20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – This is something I have really started to hate in the last few years, why should I have to explain myself?  So I don't say anything to anyone. 
  21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – good advice.
  22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – My life coach and I tried to focus on this last year, I can't say I've mastered it yet.
  23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – I gave up on perfect 5+ years ago.
  24. Stop following the path of least resistance. –  All I have been doing for the last 5 years is taking the easy way out and doing what I am comfortable with...I need to change that.
  25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – On the outside sometimes I appear more put together than I am.  Inside and with those that know me very well, it is obvious I am not OK.  I cry a bit still, I am a little moody, and quiet.  It is what it is.  I'll be happy eventually, maybe. 
  26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – I need to take responsibility for my life.  I used to blame people, but I realized they were there for me to learn from.  Sure because of them my life didn't go as I had hoped, but I am the one that needs to fix it.  I can't rely on other people and I can't expect the person who wronged me to even know how badly they hurt me.
  27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – good advice. I don't seem to have a problem in this area yet. I like to help people when I can.
  28. Stop worrying so much. – Worrying runs in my family.  I hope I don't become a worrier.
  29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – I am a bit of a pessimist. I think about the wrong side of things.  For instance, moving...I am more consumed with location, meeting people, job, salary, missing my family, etc.  I don't focus on how wonderful it might be.
  30. Stop being ungrateful. – Even though I am miserable, I know I have it better than other people. 

And then he followed up that blog post with 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself which is a more positive spin on life, but a bit repetitive from the list above.  Again, I'll list the 30 things and relate them to me.
  1. Start spending time with the right people. – I need to find the right people first, but I will cherish them once I have them.
  2. Start facing your problems head on. – Time to stop procrastinating. 
  3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – I can't improve my life if I am lying with what would make me happy.
  4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – I got a life coach, I know I need to do this. I am not doing enough, but I am working on it.
  5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – On my goals for my 30s.  To accept myself for who I am.
  6. Start noticing and living in the present. – All I think about is how I am wasting my life.  I am looking towards the future when I might be happy and I am missing out on the right now.  
  7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – It is hard to value the lessons until they are not fresh anymore.
  8. Start being more polite to yourself.
  9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – I find this hard, I am miserable with so many aspects of my life, that I can't enjoy what I have.  
  10. Start creating your own happiness. – This I find to be extraordinarily hard.  How do I find happiness?  I usually think that once I have the life I want (husband, child/ren, etc) that I will be happy, but I can't rely on them for that.  I don't know how to achieve this, goodness knows I've been working on it for two years. 
  11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – It's about taking a chance...I know this needs to be done, I've been pushing it away for too long.  I took my first gamble end of last year with renting my apartment...but now it is time for the next one.
  12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – I haven't been doing this.  But I need to take Thomas the Tank Engine's advice, 'I think I can, I think I can'. 
  13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. –
  14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – I am trying. I am.
  15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Oh the 22 year old me was pretty awesome.  I had a lot of things going for me, but I lost my way.  I need to get back to that state of mind where I can get anything I want and go after it.
  16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – I do this all the time. 
  17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – Lately I have been trying to find the reason behind bad things.
  18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – Again, very very important.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
  19. Start helping those around you. – Way too much, in my opinion.
  20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – Eh, I am not sure if I trust myself, which is why I haven't made changes.
  21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – 
  22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Yes small things are good for overall happiness.
  23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. –  I am definitely not as type A about certain things anymore. I've learned to take things with a grain of salt and deal with it.
  24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – My goals are big and I can't work on it everyday (which is why I haven't made progress), but I need to take smaller steps at a time and tackle it little by litte.  
  25. Start being more open about how you feel. – It is hard to talk about sadness with other people.
  26. Start taking full accountability for your own life.
  27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships
  28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – 
  29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – Think positive.  
  30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now
So that is how those things relate to me.  When you read the article or the synopsis above, was your mind turning and realizing things that you need to do also?

I hope to check out Marc's blog.  I do not know him, but after stumbling upon it with these articles, I read a few more and there is some great advice out there about bettering ourselves. I hope you find it a little helpful.

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