NYC: The High Line

I came across information about the High Line from that "How About We..." website where someone suggested it as a date. I looked it up because I was not familiar with this, and realized it was in fact something I wanted to see. The High Line was built in the 1930's and used through 1980 as a way to more safely transport freight to the industrial part of Manhattan. To do this, it was created 30 feet above the street in hopes to lessen the accidents on the street level and allow the trains to pull right into the buildings to be unloaded. The new elevated train tracks were 13 miles long, running from 34th street to Spring Street.

Two people got together in 1999 to form the "Friends of the High Line" which advocated using the tracks as public space. Their wish was granted, and in June 2009 the first phase of the park was open to the public, and hopefully in 2011 the second phase from 20 - 30th streets will be open to the public.

The high line walk was actually very relaxing. The concrete pathway curves with plants everywhere, so it is not just a boring straight walk. Benches and chairs are spread out throughout the path and some benches even have wheels on them to be moved along part of the train track, allowing them to be moved further or closer to a neighboring chair. There is also one area that has stadium seating that over looks the street below.

Unfortunately, even though I planned this visit two weeks ago, I forgot my camera. I ended up just taking a few pictures from my phone that does not have good resolution. I had a nice, relaxing evening slowly strolling the park and sitting on the benches, catching up with SI.

If you are ever in the NYC area, and are in the Chelsea Neighborhood, climb up the stairs to enter this park and just detour the busy streets below. It is currently a short walk, after phase two is complete, it will be 1 1/2 miles long. For more information check out their website The High Line.

My attempt at golf

I had the opportunity to play golf with two of my brother-in-laws and my uncle. I was surprised that the guys seemed to take such good care and pride in the golf course. I don't know what men are generally like at home, some might be slobs, others could be neat freaks; I assumed my brother-in-laws were some place in between. But on the golf course they were different men. They made sure they fixed all their divots and raked the sand if their ball landed in the sand pit.

The game of golf was fun. Three years ago I took a golf course at the local high school one night a week for eight weeks. After that I went to the driving range and didn't do well, so I didn't bother to ever play a round of golf before. Since we were on vacation, I decided to give it a try. The weather this day was pouring but then turned cloudy but HOT. The local place was not busy at all, so there was plenty of time for me to try to hit enough times with out holding many other people up, as I was generally double the par. I had a few really good swings, but most of my balls just went a few yards at a time. My final score was a 146 (although the guys told me that they generally issue a hole total no more than 2x par - but I went with my official score, which sometimes was as high as an 11!).

We rented a golf cart to make the time between holes go faster, but if you golf like me, you end up walking most of the course anyway (although, not with a full golf bag - so that helped!!). This was also my first time driving a golf cart. It was an exhausting 6 1/2 hours (yes, that is right, a LONG day because I slowed them down a lot)!

Poconos

I just got back from a family trip to the Poconos in Pennsylvania. By family, I don't just mean my immediate family, but with my mom's family. There was about 30 of us. We did this two years ago, we rented two beach houses in LBI and had such a great time we wanted to try it again, this time in the mountains. I love beaches, so I was not sure if I would enjoy the mountain vacation, but it ended up being a good, active week.

I was informed the houses would have Internet, so I lugged my laptop out there for the sole purpose of blogging and doing about 2 hours of real work. However, they did not have wireless Internet, and no one knew where to find the wire hook up, let alone have an Ethernet cable. My phone also did not have steady bars; so it became a welcoming technology free week!

I really wanted to go to Bushkill Falls which was about an hour away from our house. The brochure looked beautiful, and by the second day of not doing much, I decided to take a ride up there. Two of my sisters decided to join me for the hike. There was a $10 fee per person to get in and we decided to take the red trail, which was the hardest and longest. We hiked this trail in reverse and began with a nice stroll in the woods along a small river. Soon we came to our first waterfall (8 in total). We took some stairs down to another waterfall where we were able to take off our shoes and enter the water and go in/under the falls. I've never really done anything like that before, usually just viewed from afar, so I decided, why not? I loved having the water splash on me while standing in the super shallow water. It was so much fun and it seemed as though all my worries just vanished, and was really able to enjoy the rest of the day and the rest of the vacation. We saw more waterfalls and went up and down more stairs until we reached the main falls. The hike back to the top was brutal, with all the stairs - but we did it and when we left the park I saw one of those penny souvenir pennies that read, "I survived the red trail" and made those for each of us. I am not a hiker by any means, and I did not find this trail to be difficult in the sense that most of it was easy, but the hardest part was all the stairs in a row - not actually hiking. It was more like a leisurely walk with a lot of stairs.

we did it!

Time to start catching up with your blogs. Stay tuned for more about my trip.

Wordless Wednesday

A Bio-Luminescent Experience

One of the most amazing experiences so far, was my kayaking trip through the bio-luminescent bay (in Farjardo) in Puerto Rico.

In November 2009, I had a business meeting in Puerto Rico and invited my sister to come along. We planned to see Old San Juan, hang by the pool and most importantly I wanted to visit El Yunque and the bio-luminescent bay in the North East part of the island.

We spent the early part of the afternoon at the rain forest (my first time at a rain forest, not quite what I pictured) and then headed over to the launch area about 20 minutes north-east of the rain forest. Puerto Rico actually has three of the five bio luminescent bays in the world. One of the other bio luminescent bays in Puerto Rico takes more planning, it is, I believe on the South West part of the island, and you need to take a helicopter or boat over there. Mandatory night stay is required on the island.

When we arrived we were given a short talk on how this worked and then we were given life vests and headed into our two person kayak. I have only kayaked 3 times, my sister had never - so we had to spend a while teaching her what to do. Many people did not know how to steer their kayaks. So we all line up and proceed through the bay to the lagoon. The voyage starts off rough - choppier waters, getting bumped, going off course, etc. But then we make our way through a 'river' which becomes really dark. Oh right, did I forget to mention you have to do this at night time? So it is pitch-black you can barely see the kayak in front of you and you don't see the tree branches that hit your head or arms. At first I was getting a little spooked. I mean, I hate bugs. And who knows what is on these branches. The bugs were eating us like crazy too. But the moon was small and it was a beautiful warm, clear night. And then....then it happened. All of a sudden the water lights up. And as you are rowing, you see the lights appear and fade. I had to reach out and touch it. It was amazing. Our tour took us through this narrow passage way to the Las Croabas Lagoon where we were given a little history about the plankton and then some free time to paddle around and enjoy. The lagoon was beautiful, we were all paddling everywhere and you look up and the stars were shinning - it was so peaceful and relaxing. Our return trip was much better - as my sister figured out how to paddle, and the others were getting the hang of it too. Although at one point I thought I was going to be decapitated by a branch that snuck up on me.

So, how does the water light up? At our location, in Las Croabas Lagoon, there are 500,000 to 700,000 of bioluminescent dinoflagellates ( a plankton) per gallon. These plankton when disturbed light up. They thrive in warm water - and in Puerto Rico, they can be seen every night.

I did not take my camera on the trip, and for that I am actually happy as got kinda wet. You need to know how to use your camera and change the settings to something I am not familiar with. We were not allowed in the water, so all those pictures you see, are done by 'real' photographers and most of the time with special permission. They told us that human oil kills the plankton or something like that. So the pictures I post, are from those that can easily be found with a google search.

I think our trip cost $65 per person? At first I thought it was a little pricey - but when we got off the kayak, I thought it was completely worth it! That is definitely something I would do again with my future husband and/or children.

(bio-luminescent seem strange? NO, think about fireflies. There are actually lots of things that light up.)

Sassy Water

In the beginning of the year I read the Flat Belly Diet, written by the editor of Prevention Magazine. NO, I did not end up following it, but I did try the Sassy Water (supposed to drink the recipe in one day).

I was never a huge water drinker, but about 7 years ago, I went off caffeine. I love de-caf iced tea (Crystal lite) and started to drink a lot of water, even if it was boring. However, I liked my water without lemon. At restaurants I would either quickly grab my lemon and throw it aside or ask them not to put it on the rim of the glass at all because sometimes I couldn't even drink it with that taste. However, the Sassy Water was surprisingly refreshing.

To make Sassy Water:
2 liters of water
1 teaspoon grated ginger
1 cucumber peeled and thinly sliced
1 lemon thinly sliced
2 spearmint leaves

I have made this without ginger (the first time when I didn't have any) and with out mint (yesterday when I wasn't even thinking about making water) and both ways taste fine. I think it is the cucumber I like that is addicting and refreshing, which is surprising, because I am not a big cucumber fan either.

Give it a shot. Especially in the summer it is a nice other thing to drink.

How About We...

My friend just send me a link to this relatively new dating site called How About We that focuses on actual dates, not all that back and forth communications and maybe a date. HowAboutWe is new, so there are not a lot of users yet and the fee is much less than match or eharmony. I quickly checked it out and started to read through the proposed dates. They all start with "How about we..." and then you fill in what you want to do. Some are "How about we...catch a movie under the stars in Bryant Park" or "How about we...walk across the Brooklyn bridge then get dinner" essentially whatever you want to do - you tell everyone else and if you have that in common you perhaps meet to go on this date, at which time you learn about the person in real life.

What is great about this concept, is that it still brings people together but doing something more fun/social then chatting online for a month liking what you read and hating the person when you meet them. And best off, you don't like the person, at least you did something you enjoyed.

I am not sure if I am going to actually try this or not, but it seemed like a 'why didn't I think of that'.

Book Review: Tatiana De Rosnay - Sarah's Key

I saw Sarah's Key by Tatiana De Rosnay book on the Barnes & Noble website numerous times. The cover made me click to read about the book (who says not to judge a book by its cover?). Part of the book is set in WW2 in Paris and the other half is 2002 Paris. Each time, I thought, this book sounds too serious for right now, and I wouldn't add it to my library list.

At my last book club, my friend mentioned she just read this book and really enjoyed it. I said, oh yes, I liked the cover and wanted to read but was afraid it was too serious for my current mood. She let me borrow it from her. A few days later I finished my book and didn't get around to going to the library to pick up my other books on hold, so I grabbed this book before I walked out the door.

The book itself was easy language, easy to follow/understand. It was a historical fictional story about true events, which was quite sad. But I flew through the book in 3 train rides. I really enjoyed the two different stories that eventually come together at the end. It made you want to keep reading to find out what happened.

Sarah was a ten year old Jewish girl when her family was arrested in Paris during the Vel' d Hiv' roundup. I really enjoyed the story from the 10 year old's perspective; such an innocent and naive narrative. In 2002, Julia, an American journalist in Paris is writing a story about the 60th anniversary of the Vel' d Hiv' roundup. Astonishingly, Julia discovers many Parisians have no idea about the Roundup or don't want to admit to knowing anything. Little by little details emerge and Julia is obsessed about finding as much as she can about Sarah and her family and in turn, re-evaluates her life.

As soon as I finished this book I called my sister and told her she had to read it - she finished it in one day and called me to tell me she cried the whole way through. That surprised me, since I am the emotional wreck, and I did not cry - I thought I might at one point, but I didn't. It was one of the best books I have read this year. I never heard of this tragic event and it touched my heart that such horrible things happened and the struggles so many people had to endure. I highly recommend this book.

Breaking up with Bank Boy

Can you break up with someone you aren't even dating?

Last night BankBoy instant messages me. this is the first time he has made contact in 2 weeks after I told him I was going to block him because of all the harassing messages.

So, of course he asks when we are going to hook up again...I say we are not. He says, I don't want a relationship. Me - I know that, but I do, and not with you. How can I meet my husband if I am messing around? blah blah blah -this continues for like 15 minutes. Then he proceeds to tell me I am 'full of myself'. I ask if he is serious, because the last thing I am is full of myself, I am actually quite insecure these days. So then we are practically yelling/fighting/arguing over IM. I finally say "look, I don't care what you think of me. I am not going to argue about this. If I am so 'full of myself' you shouldn't even want to talk to me anyway." A few more words were exchanged, and then I abruptly log off.

Maybe now he is mad enough not to harass me. And since when did it get so complicated telling someone you don't want to pursue anything? Were his reactions to me not wanting to sleep with him normal? And why should I be questioned so much about WHY NOT?

Matchmaker Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

During a lazy Saturday, I happened to come across the NBC show "The Match Off" which is about two match makers trying to set one person up. And I think, Oh, I haven't really thought about a match maker. Well, I did a few years ago but it was expensive. After watching the show I realized this is probably a good way to met a decent person with long term possibilities. So I just checked out a few matchmakers in the NYC area. Wow, they shattered my dreams. One focuses setting up men with women, another one was between 5,000 - 10,000 dollars. HAHA. Yeah, I can't afford groceries. Others don't have any sort of prices listed (probably for a good reason) but I can't fill out questionnaires and/or go there and be like, oh are you crazy? Maybe the rich guy they set me up with that I will eventually marry would be willing to pay my fee just for finding me :)

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing wrong, that I get zero attention. I can go out with a girlfriend to lunch/dinner, and she is single & pretty, and no one talks to us. I go grocery shopping, to the park, the library, ride the train - no one talks to me. I know I can give off a don't talk to me signal - but I don't mean to most of the time...but when people cat cal at you a lot, you just learn to ignore people.

Other people jump from one person to another so quickly, but I can't find one decent one. Is it normal that after 2 years, I have not had a rebound relationship? No, I don't think so. Sure, I am a little picky, but that shouldn't mean I get nothing. And, I don't think that me being a broke, single gal trying to be independent should mean I remain alone because I can't afford to date or pay for help.

Maybe I can set up a fund and ask for donations. If anyone deserves to find love, I do think it is me.

If I knew more people, I could specialize in affordable matchmaking for young adults.

Walk along the Brooklyn Bridge

I was a tourist today. I took your advice and on my summer Friday a co-worker & I decided to walk the Brooklyn Bridge.

The Brooklyn Bridge was designed by John Roebling who became the chief engineer. Unfortunately John Roebling died in 1869 - soon after the construction began. The bridge opened to the public on May 24, 1883 after 10+ years to build and cost $15.5 million dollars (twice more than what was originally estimated).

I was not sure why tourists walk the Brooklyn Bridge - so I did a little research (no surprise there, I am nerdy) and found out at the time, that the Brooklyn Bridge was the largest bridge ever built - almost twice as long as the Menai Suspension Bridge (between Wales and Anglesey) which opened in 1826. Additionally, suspension bridges were also previously made of iron, but Roebling decided to use steel to make the bridge stronger. Additionally, J. Lloyd Haigh who sold the wire rope for the bridge construction was faulty - but still remains within the cables. Approximately 27 people died during the construction.

The bridge is 135 feet above the water (high enough for the large boat traffic), spans 5,989 feet (1.13 miles), and the towers rise 276.5 feet from the water. On opening day the toll was only 1 cent but then rose to 3 cents. That first day, 1,800 vehicles and 150,300 people crossed the bridge. Within that first month there was a lot of controversy over the bridge and many were worried the bridge would collapse (12 people died in a stampede) and fall into the water. To help but that rumor to rest, P.T. Barnum led a parade of 21 elephants over the bridge. Because of the use of the steel and the truss system which was 6 times stronger than it needed to be, the Brooklyn Bridge is still standing, while other bridges built during this time have been replaced.

The Brooklyn Bridge is three lanes in each direction and has the bike/pedestrian lane raised, which turns into wood planks, which is kind of neat that you can see the water below. Getting on the bridge from the Manhattan side was really easy. It was so crowded on the walk to the first tower. We stopped a lot to take pictures - making the walk about 30-40 minutes. Once we passed the first tower, the crowds died down - as they probably walked back towards Manhattan. The view was beautiful; able to see New Jersey, Staten Island, the Statue of Liberty, Manhattan, Brooklyn, a few other bridges...it was relaxing.

Other Fun Facts:

• Suspension cables - four 15 3/4' diameter wire ropes
• 19 strands in each cable
• 3,600 total miles worth of cable
• 1520 suspenders
• 400 diagonal stays
• bridge weight 14,680 tons (not including caissons, towers or anchorages)
• The first jumper was Robert Odlum on May 19, 1885
• The first bungee jumpee was in June 1993
• A bunker was discovered in 2006 from the Cold War which still had emergency supplies in it
• In 2003, Lyman Faris was sentanced to 20 years in prison for supplying information to Al Qaeda to destroy the bridge by cutting through the support wires with blowtorches

After we reached the Brooklyn side, we took a short 1 mile-ish walk and then took the 5 train back to Grand Central. I was able to catch my everyday train.

A nice fun (and hot) day. Thanks to JW for keeping me company on this quest and now I can cross out one more item on my bucket list.

I'm not a badge bunny

Doofy once called me a 'badge bunny' that is a girl who likes to date cops. This isn't necessarily true.

OK, so there is Cop#1 - which I refer to in this blog, and has in the last two years changed nicknames to cop#1 when he re-entered my life. I met cop#1 in college, we had the same class together. I noticed him that very first day and made a point to sit near him when I could. I then would ask to borrow a pencil...which eventually led to talking and then a date. He was exactly the kind of guy that I think is sexy/good looking. We dated for 9 months or so, and then unofficially dated for another 2 years.

Cop #2 was someone I met at a bar many many years ago. It was after I cut the ties with Cop#1 and was newly single. Of course at the time of the meeting, I had no idea that was his profession. We started chatting, and while he wasn't really my kind of guy, we had the connection, as it turned out, that we went to the same high school and knew some of the same people. We sorta dated for about 2-3 months. Dating is a loose term, he was in the NYPD academy so he actually would just sleep at my place. I don't remember too many 'dates'. I haven't spoken to him since it ended.

Cop#3 (doofy) I have known for many many years, actually while I dated Cop#1 10 years ago. We were friends in the sense that we saw each other out at the local bar, knew some of the same people, were connected through the firehouse, etc. I never imagined he'd be anything more than a friend - and even that was a loose term. You have read enough about him to know we had zero chemistry and are polar opposites. What it comes down to is women like attention. And if no one else is giving them any, they will take it where ever it is, even when your head is saying 'you know better than that'. Whatever, it was fun at times.

I don't consider myself a badge bunny since when I met 2 of the 3 of them, they were not yet police officers. Don't get me wrong, I find cops to be sexy - in the sense they wear a uniform, have power, broad shoulders, and could be tough. There are a LOT of not-sexy police officers...which I would never consider. If I wanted to marry a police officer only, I know of a few cop bars...which I do not go to. It isn't like I am chasing them down or throw myself at them. It just happens to be a profession that the type of guy I like does.

Just as there are professions I stay away from - sales representatives for example. The reason for this is simple - sales people will tell you anything to make a sale. They are always 'on'. They have the personality that is outgoing and friendly (which I love) but I find they can be dishonest. Sure, this is a huge generalization - but I can not do it. I've been out with a few to know that isn't the type of guy that I like. I do not trust them.

Overthinking

Are you like me? Do you find yourself constantly re-reading emails or doing things to torture yourself?

I am having a perfectly fine day. Work gets a little slow so I decide to re-read my emails from SI from 2 weeks ago about the forgiveness thing. I tear up again. I don't know why I do it. But I do. And it isn't just things to do with him, I do it with other people too, I have re-read the nasty email my neighbor sent me, emails from potential suitors, or the emails from SI's mistress (thank goodness not recently, but I refuse to delete them...just in case) and of course my responses I will re-read over & over again long after they are sent. I re-play in my head conversations that I wish I said other things. Maybe I try to find more subtle meanings or wish I responded differently, I don't know.

I over think a lot and I am now very cautious about a lot of things. It does interfere with not only my job, but my life. Sometimes I wish there was an easy way of turning that off.

2010 Summer Scorcher

NYC will be 100+ degrees again today. Yesterday I wore a skirt to work, thinking a skirt would combat the heat better than pants...I don't know, my legs were hot and sweaty and felt funny when I waked - but it probably was better. I even put the air conditioning on in my apartment, which I rarely do because 1) I prefer fresh air and 2) it is expensive to run. But why should I suffer and sweat when I sit on the couch doing nothing? Or need to re-shower after I straighten my hair because the sweat is pouring off my body?

Today I decided to wear a cotton dress. The dress is simple, I can wear a normal bra, and comes up to right above my knees. I am not one to normally wear dresses/skirts to work and my walk this morning was very difficult. As posted previously, I have large breasts, in the summer, they are not covered by coats/jackets so walking the streets I feel the staring and it makes me very uncomfortable. So I put on my sunglasses at 7:50am when I walk out of Grand Central Terminal and walk straight with no smile ignoring everyone in sight. As soon as you exit Grand Central, you can SMELL the stuffy gross NYC air. For a few weeks I thought I was going crazy, getting a headache as soon as I got to the city (subconsciously thinking I needed a new job outside of NYC) but I am not crazy, the summer air is different. Sickening. All the smells are intensified and you hold back that gag feeling for too long when you pass garbage, homeless people, food stands, etc. The smell is everywhere.

So, I arrive at work and take my black flip flops off - and decide between the two pairs of shoes I have under my desk. Brown or black. Hmm, this is tough - the dress is purpley-pink. Perhaps brown would look better but either shoe option looks horrible with the dress - a work policy is no open toed shoes, then again wearing stockings is too - but that I refuse to do this week. But who cares how much the shoes don't go with the dress? I sit at my desk and most of the time I have my shoes off anyway. If the boss says I look bad - then I'll tell her that my budget does not allow me to purchase many options for 'work' shoes. I keep my light in my office off until 1pm and I do not plan to leave the office at lunch time because of the heat (actually, I rarely leave the office at lunch time anyway, that is just today's excuse). Then I sit here thinking that I should have called in to work and stayed home. I'd rather be at the beach and in the water. Then that gets me thinking that I'd rather not work...ever. Which leads me to want to look for a new job...but I probably won't. I spent the last few weeks looking into college degrees too, but haven't decided on anything.

Fantastic Fourth Fireworks

It's that time of year again that marks our independence and time to reflect on how far we, as a society, have come in fighting for our rights. It is also the time of year where summer appears to already be half over! This year, NYC is having beautiful HOT weather, in the upper 90s but thankfully not too humid.

This year was the first year in many that I was not out in the Hampton's with some very wonderful people, but decided to check out the Macy's NYC firework display. About three years ago while watching part on TV, I was amazed how wonderful they were set to music, that particular year they also had the display on the East River, West River and Downtown which was truly amazing be so synchronized like that. This year, the fireworks were just on the West side.

So why this year? Last year on Facebook Cop#1 sent out a message asking if anyone wanted to see the fireworks to let him know. This year, when I was trying to decide what to do - I contacted him to see if he was working again this year, and if so, I wanted to get down there to check it out...could he let me know. He did, so I invited one friend to come with me.

We take the train and start heading over, when Cop#1 says he will come and pick us up. Nice. So we wait and he comes and finds us and drives us down to about 14th street. He escorts us in to one of the piers so we didn't have to wait in line or go through security or anything like that. We didn't get VIP seating or anything, but this was just perfect. He said some people got there at 2 in the afternoon....could you imagine, on a 99 degree day to be waiting and waiting for hours in that heat?? This couldn't have worked out better for us. There was such little waiting time it couldn't have been better.

The show starts and we had a great view. It wasn't completely un-obstructed, there was some sort of building pier, but we were able to see just fine! The barges were between 24th - 50th streets, so we didn't have to hurt our necks looking directly above us. There were 6 barges getting off the fireworks in a row the whole time. About 40,000 firework shells were lit. It was truly wonderful. After I snapped a few pictures, I took a moment to think about what the day was really all about. The show was about 30 minutes.

What was missing, seeing the show live, was the music. I know there was music somewhere down there, I think that Justin Bieber kid was singing, but there was none of that on our pier. Although, I think a few speakers would have been a nice touch!

I am glad I went. I do believe it is something you should try to do ONCE. I don't think I will go back again, unless I have children. The fireworks from the Hamptons are good, as well as the ones that are part of the carnival I mentioned yesterday. But it was a perfect evening with the weather, and we lucked out with timing getting back from the city.

A part time carnie

I am a carnival worker, for one week a year. Yup, that is right - I volunteer my evenings at the town carnival. Some think I am a little crazy. A carnie is someone who runs a booth/game/ride/food stand at a carnival.

Carnivals date back to pre-christian times but became even more popular during through the religious time before lent. As many of you know during lent you were/are not supposed to eat meat (carne) and parties were not held. The carnivals were a celebration by the whole community and often masquerades, parades which had some elements of a circus and such took place before you gave those things up.

The volunteer fire department hosts the week long carnival as a fundraiser, which does start off with a parade. Way back in the day not only did the department host the carnival but they also rolled up their sleeves and sold food/drinks. That is where I got my foot in the door. I helped them collect food tickets/flip burgers etc. I LOVED it. It was a rush, the line, helping people, serving them. It was a good time. A few years back they decided that they would no longer be cooking themselves and outsourced that to town restaurants that wanted vendor space. I was then volunteered by my father to work in the ticket cage where there is a large sum of cash. Since I worked in a bank, and I am fast and 99-100% accurate, my father asked if I can help, and I have been ever since. The food was great, but the ticket sales is more action packed and at the end of the night, you hope for the draw to be even.

The hard part about working the ticket sales for the rides is that you share the same till with someone else. My first year if we were over/short and I was convinced it wasn't me, I would have no way of knowing. So far this year we have been dead on for the last three nights, which of course is fabulous.

Of course you think, Ohhh, you get to work with firemen? They can be sexy...well, not necessarily in my town! I have know some of these guys for years. Some are nice, some are married and some are single and for excellent reasons. In the last 4 years I have been on dates with two guys. The first guy was so nice and we went a bunch in one summer, I wasn't ready to date, but I tried, and the kid refused to kiss me or anything! I think he just never really dated - maybe he is gay...I don't know. I still see him and he is still such a nice guy. The second guy is the guy I went to Mexico with last month, I just re-labeled him 'doofy' in this blog (read some of his stories) he is a big (not fat, not muscular, tall but with lots extra) guy with a nice smile with super crooked teeth and outgoing but with an ego that is larger than I have seen. He is outspoken and harsh and essentially the complete opposite of me. {who when I saw yesterday, on his 35th bday, walks into the carnival holding hands with some gal and made a point to tell me he has a girl friend....WOW, good, believe me I am NOT jealous. the LAST thing I want is you to think about me or think that I want you.}

ANYWAY....I am getting side-tracked. So the firemen in this department are not really for me, so one hopes to meet single dads at the carnival. You would think this would be an excellent place. The father has the kid(s) on the weekend and needs something do to. As most fathers, they tend to do 'fun' thing with their kids if the mother is the one that has them 90% of the time, she does fun things with them, but she disciplines them more and has more of a routine...the dad's though, they need to make up for the divorce and they tend to spoil the kids with fun things (maybe because many don't know how to do other things with them( [note: this is just from what I have seen/witnessed - I am by no means an expert]. But surprisingly not too many appear to be single.

I was sorta hit on tonight. This one guy was buying tickets for two older kids and I had to explain XYZ about ticket quantity and cost, and he said what happens if I have extra tickets? I reply - one can go on another ride, give them to someone else, or purchase more individually. He replies, well, maybe you & I can go on a ride together. I giggle, and reply, perhaps. yeah, I didn't see him the rest of the night, which was OK with me. The second kid (and yes KID is the operative word) didn't hit on me, but just said "wow, I love the way you just said "absolutely" wow that was great". Cute.

Chicago: Take 4

My first time in Chicago was three years ago on a business trip. For about 4 1/2 days I worked a booth at a conference and had free time to explore this amazing city. I had a fabulous time...and of course it helped that I met a young, semi-nerdy cute doctor who showed me around and we spent the rest of the days hanging out or getting something to eat together. It was by far a much better experience sharing it with someone then doing it alone. The second time I was in Chicago was the following year for the same conference. Doctor was not there this year, as he began a new relationship very soon after we parted ways - so I was on my own. It was also much colder in Chicago last year (March) and my visit wasn't anywhere as noteworthy. This past March was my third time in the Windy city. I was not alone at the conference - my clients were there as well so my 'free time' was not on my own but spent with them = no fun (I had to sneak out of a meeting just to check out the green Chicago river on St. Patty's day because there was no other free time :( ).

Then another one of my clients invited me to speak at their conference in Chicago in June. All I kept thinking was - Chicago AGAIN??? But it was only for 1 1/2 days and my role there was much different than it has been in the past.

I was very nervous about giving a presentation for 90 minutes. That is by far the longest I have had to speak on one topic to a group of people. I started working on my presentation in February and continued to tweak it here and there. The time comes to present it, and I have to wear a clip on microphone! There were only about 30 people in the room, but still, it is intimidating when you don't know them...and they are ALL older than you and you follow a presenter who is well known in the field and an excellent speaker. I was the second (and last) speaker; and I have to say it went really well. Of course I was very nervous for the first 10 minutes, but once I got past the hard part of the presentation, and the information became more interesting to the group, I started to relax. The evaluations came back with 98% of all 4's (best response) for both presentations and some people came up afterwords or I saw in the elevator and they were very enthusiastic about what they learned. They received 3 Continuing Education credits for coming to the seminar.

Usually with my other clients, they want to spend every second with me. This client did not. After the meeting, we all went our separate ways. What to do in Chicago the 4th time around? Turns out the Taste of Chicago was going on. Part of Grant Park was closed off and all these restaurant vendors were there selling their food. You could either purchase normal size portions or do a 'taste' portion - all the groups offered two different tastes. Like any street fair, you purchase tickets in advance and then just hand over the tickets in exchange for what you want. I decided to do all tastes. A little of this, a little of that. But you have to be selective since you can't possibly taste everything in a short amount of time. My first pick was a mango with cranberry rice pudding. It was actually a lot better than it sounded. I tried an apple dumpling which was very good but dry (see picture), a spinach deep dish pizza, an eggroll, a chicken taco, a something like a gnocci but it wasn't - it had eggplant in it, and a few other things that I am forgetting.
The festival also had some live music and entertainment. I stopped to listen to this one act for a few songs and then made my way over to the Man Versus Food table and actually got a chance to see Adam and he spent about 15 minutes talking about the show, his background, etc and then he signed autographs. I didn't stay for the autographs since the line was really long.


After I decided to see a movie since it was only about 7:30. I saw Grown Ups since it was the next available movie. Some parts were funny, but I will not be putting it on my favorites list. On my way out, I was FINALLY picked up by a man. But he was Indian, I had a hard time understanding him, and he was like 60 years old. No thank you. So I went back to my room and went to bed.

MMA Scavenger hunt

A previous post I mentioned I was branching out to try new things. What I did today, I was very nervous about doing. The Meet Market Adventures website is a site for single people to do things in a group. They have a pretty large array of activities that vary from after work socials to bungee jumping to trips. I've been a member of the site for a while but was too nervous to actually sign up.

Why? Well, what kind of wacky people in NYC would also go? I am mostly sane, but there are a lot of weirdos out there. Or would the activity bring in people that were way older than me? It is not a dating site, but you hope to meet people you can get along with, maybe make new friends, that type of thing.

So I signed up for a scavenger hunt on the Lower East Side. Arrival time was 12:45pm and we were to begin at 1 sharp. At 1, there were only two of us plus the host. The guy that showed up was beginning to drive me mad, he was overly cocky/funny. We decided to wait longer...two other guys showed up, at 1:30 one more lady showed up. OK, so out of the 15 people registered, 5 showed up....does this say something about the type of people/group? I don't know. We we split into two teams, my team had the cocky/funny guy on there but he decided to leave as soon as we left, thinking it was too hard and he had no idea what a scavenger hunt was. I was happy about this. So it was just me & this kid Eddy.

Now, we met at a bar on 27th but the hunt was mostly on 10th & ave 2 - C. Not many subways...so the walk alone to get to where we wanted to go was far...especially in the hot humid weather. There were 26 questions. Score would be calculated by the right answer AND having a picture of the answer with the group in it. I think we answered about 10 in the 2 1/2 hours. AND some of the answers that were correct was not what the right answers were...thank goodness we had to take pictures of the answer so we can get that kind of credit.

I like to win. I like competition. But I was going through this, and was OK with being second...even if it was the loosing team. After a while we were loosing momentum because of the heat, and because we would disagree with some answers. At one point we were so hot, we stopped for a yogurt, and Eddy bought one for me, nice. I later purchased our illegal taxi ride back to the bar (because it was so hot & we were a little late).

My partner, Eddy was a nice kid. Glad he ended up being my partner as he seemed the most sane & fun. He was outgoing and we talked the whole time, which is really hard for me. He asked me a lot of questions that I had a hard time answering, and I realized (because he brought it up) that L was right about my half smile/smirk, I must do that a lot when I am uncomfortable or do not know how to respond to people. Oh well. Eddy, after only 90 minutes pegged me pretty good, aside from the 'girly girl' part. HAHA, right, me a girly girl? Anyway, I was shocked that I was so readable. I guess it happens.

Now it is time to head back. Our scores are being tallied up, and we end up winning because the other team only took a few pictures of themselves with the clues, even though they had ONE more right answer than us. YEAH, we won! So, what was our prize? I came back with a $25 gift certificate off of one of the next activities I sign up for AND she also gave us a freebe to a specific activity. I wasn't thrilled with the freebe ones, and the trivia night was gotten quickly by someone else, so it was either bar crawl or date smarter seminar. I went with the seminar, since I probably need that. :)

It was a fun day, a hot day. It was nice having a small group, but a few more people would have been nice. My biggest complaint is just that the hunt was far from the meeting point AND the directions indicated to have an unlimited subway pass...which I purchased for $8.25 (the price drastically increased from a few years ago at $4) and only used it twice, not getting my $$ worth. I like the concept of this, and maybe next time, I won't be so nervous about doing something where I don't know anyone, since everyone that showed up was in fact there alone.

Forgiveness 102

Well, I did it. After yesterday's post, I sat at work and started my lists. I will recommend however, that if you start your forgiveness lists, you do it at home, not at work. As I type away at work, trying to first remember all the things that made me mad/sad/angry and then things I liked/loved, I started to cry. Sure, no surprise there. Those are powerful memories. It didn't bother me so much crying at work, because, unfortunately, it isn't a new thing. Sad to say that 98% of my co-workers have seen me cry/tears in my eyes, at one point or another over the last 4 years. It helps that I also work in a small office with under 18 people.

Anyway, it took several hours off and on. I know when I was laying in bed last night, I thought of other things to add to my list, but couldn't remember half of them when I woke up this morning...don't you hate when that happens? I had my three sections. The fourth part is to forgive, so I actually wrote a few paragraphs about that too.

I have to say that I felt a little better this morning when I woke up. Lighter, like it wasn't such a burden to carry around. Although I find it hard to believe that it would work, just like that. So, I am crediting that light feeling to how I slept last night - perhaps I had good dreams.

Either way, I think it was a good exercise. One that I will probably do again in the future when the need arises. I suggest that if you are angry/upset with anyone - parent, sibling, husband, lover, etc, that you try this. There is something to be said about putting it all done in one spot. We think about things over and over again - but it is more coherent when written and perhaps spoken aloud.

Update: I received the nicest response to my forgiveness email. One that brought tears (again) to my eyes at work. And as I am reading it, I knew that deep down SI was a great person. It just turns out he still had a lot of growing up to do and he wasn't ready for what we had. I sincerely believe that what we had was real and amazing. And now hope that I can move on and grow from his response. Perhaps this is what I needed all along.

Forgiveness 101

I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep when I get this sudden emotion of sadness yet again. It could be due to my upcoming period, however, it wouldn't just go away and let me sleep. It kept me up thinking for a while. I decided that I needed to forgive SI so I can move on. Not that I have this bolted up anger towards his actions, that I was able to move past. But what has kept me so sad is the lack of follow through on those promises that we'd be together again. I know it sounds crazy, I should hate the guy, but I was more hurt that he didn't try enough to repair his damage. Anyway, I was thinking I should look up the 12 steps of AA to see if those rules would help me - but they seemed to only correlate a little. After a quick search online, I found two websites I liked about forgiveness steps, which I have copied & pasted below.

I hope to try them and then feel better. Enough is enough. Unfortunately I can't erase those memories but I WANT to stop thinking about it all the time. I don't know what I did in a past life, or even this life to deserve the torture of replaying the worst time of my life over and over every day. I just want it to end and I am now willing to try almost anything to make that happen. I finally fell asleep repeating "I want to be happy". It is such a simple phrase but it carries a lot of information that you can't see or understand - like the tip of the iceberg.

I will try both lists and hope that one/both will help. Stay tuned for updates on my progress or realizations derived from this experiment.

FIVE STEPS TO FORGIVENESS — by Catherine Morgan
When we are angry at people in our life. When we aren’t talking to people in our life. When we hate people in our life. When we are doing these things, we are weakening ourselves, we are hurting ourselves, we are hating ourselves. That is because, when we don’t forgive, we are allowing our heart to be weighed down with negativity. But, we already know that. So why do we do it? Why don’t we forgive? My theory is; that we really don’t know how to forgive. I mean, saying you “forgive” someone, isn’t really “forgiving” them, is it? What if there were actually steps you could take to forgive? Kind of a “12 step” program for forgiveness, only with less steps. See if this works for you. Because, when you forgive someone, you are pushing anger out of your heart and making more room for love to get in, and love is what really matters.

1. WHY ARE YOU ANGRY AT THIS PERSON? You would not believe how many people are angry about something and don’t even remember why. So get a piece of paper out and write down why you are mad at this person. It may be one thing, or it may be a whole list. Just write it all down.
2. THE GOOD THINGS. On another piece of paper write down all the good things this person has done for you over the years. (ie: If it’s your mother; she gave birth to you, that’s a pretty big one.) Did this person ever make you happy? Do anything nice for you? Make you smile or laugh? Be a good friend? Help you out of a jam? If so, write it down….all of it. This could be a long list or a short list, just make sure you make it an “honest” list.
3. HOW DID I CONTRIBUTE TO THIS? On a third piece of paper write any way you may have contributed to the conflict. Be honest with yourself. It doesn’t help to think that you are totally without any responsibility in the situation, even if it is just a tiny bit. Write it down.
4. CONTEMPLATE. With all three papers in front of you, take some time to really think how important this person is to you. Are they someone you wish was still in your life? Is it someone that you could never feel good having in your life anymore. Are they family? Ex? Depending on “who” they are to you, will depend on what type of relationship you choose to have with this person after you forgive them. Remember, you are forgiving this person for yourself, not for them. So, if you think it is better for you not to see this person, then so be it. You may decide that for the sake of your children or your family it would be better to allow this person back into your life. Or, you might realize you have been miserable without this person in your life and want them back.
   What ever the case is, spend a significant amount of time thinking about it. You have probably spent a significant amount of time being angry, so a little extra time trying to figure out what is in your best interest regarding this person won’t hurt.
   You may want to stay on this step for more than just a day. Maybe a week. Or more. It doesn’t matter how long you are on this step. Just put the papers in a place you can review them. You might even want to do these steps with someone else in your life. If forgiving hasn’t been your “thing”, you may have a lot of people to do this exercise with. That’s OK, don’t be hard on yourself, just take the time and do the work, and in the end you are the one that will benefit.
   When you are ready continue to Step Five. No rush.
5. FORGIVE. Forgiving doesn’t mean “forgetting”, a lot of people don’t quite understand that. We are not computers, we can’t just hit the delete button and erase our past history. Although, at times many of us wish we could, (me included). We are talking about forgiveness, so you can forgive and let the anger go (for your own sake and sanity), remembering is o.k. though. Remembering might even prove to be quite helpful. You may find yourself in a similar situation one day, and remembering might help you choose your reaction differently than you had before this happened. This is where the saying “learn from you mistakes” came from. It’s not a judgment on your behavior, just a reminder that you handled something one way and it didn’t turn out quite the way your would have wanted. So the next time, you might do something much differently based on your increased understanding.

So, to get back to the final step, STEP FIVE. Now that you have all the information in front of you, and you have given it all quite a bit of thought, and figured out what is in YOUR best interest. Now it’s time to FORGIVE. LET IT GO. LET GO OF THE ANGER. LET GO OF THE PAIN. Let go of allowing this to keep putting negative thoughts in your head. You need that room for positive, healthy, loving thoughts. Maybe, even take some time to close your eyes and meditate on letting go of the anger and pain. If you don’t normally meditate; Just close your eyes for a few moments in a quite place. Try to let go of your thoughts for a moment. Now picture in your “minds eye” all the negative thoughts and anger leaving your head, like vapor evaporating from a pot, slowly but consistently, until there is no more to let go. Do you feel better? If so, you did it right. You don’t even have to tell the person that you forgave them. The important thing is that you let it go, it no longer haunts you, it no longer consumes your thoughts. At this point you can either take steps to smooth things out with the person, and start from a healthier place…Or keep your distance if you have decided that was what was best for you. There is no right or wrong way to to do this. The right way is whatever works best for you. If you realize you just don’t feel any better after STEP FIVE, then go back to STEP FOUR. You may just need more time, and that is OK. Remember….No pressure, this is at YOUR pace. Once you feel confident that you have truly let go of this “in your head”, not just “in your words”. Once you realize that, rip up your paper from STEP ONE, maybe symbolically burn it, just something that helps you recognizes your accomplishment of putting this behind you. But, keep the other papers from STEPS TWO AND THREE. Just in case something comes up again with this person, and you want to go through this process again, you will still have all the more “positive” things saved.

FORGIVENESS: 14 STEPS© Paschal Baute 1993

1. Accept that the present situation is not a happy one for you, and that if there is to be any change, you alone must make it first. Further, that you have no direct control over the other's thinking, feeling or behavior.
2. Recognize that there are great differences in perceptions, that we are blind to how we impact others, and that we all tend to idealize ourselves.
3. Remember that you are an imperfect human being: blind to yourself & not knowing it. You are probably more self-centered than you can ever see yourself. We all are. You had some part in whatever happened. Your halo was probably off-kilter some way. The easiest thing in the world is to blame.
4. Some expression of your anger or hurt to someone may be either useful or necessary for the process to get started well. The listener does not need to be the offending person but should be one who can truly empathize yet be objective, not just agree with you, but also challenge you to reframe it!
5. Realize that forgiveness is for YOUR sake, that holding on to resentments is more hurtful to you than anyone else. It keeps you from living fully in the present--the only moment in which we can live peacefully and free of the past negatives.
6. Understand that holding a grudge can give you a secret power and sense of superiority over others. Dwelling or sucking on hurt or pain can make one feel quite "special." Many persons actually prefer holding on to resentments because of the hidden "fringe benefits" or payoffs. Examine what your possible pay-offs may be: the victim or martyr role offers diverse benefits. List some!
7. Examine whether the good points of the other person outweigh their faults even though you feel you were treated badly. Reflect upon this: "Will you feel better or become a better person by trying to improve the relationship?"
8. Comprehend that forgiving is NOT forgetting or condoning. "Because I can't forget I can't forgive" is an alibi & not true, that forgiving is simply a decision not to dwell or suck on the hurt. It is a decision that may need to be made repeatedly, for as often as necessary, "seventy times seven"..."Forgive us as we forgive..."
9. Be aware that forgiveness is, believe it or not, 100% your responsibility, and that you DO NOT really need the other person to admit that they were wrong. Waiting until they admit wrong keeps YOU stuck in the past. Many crucify themselves between two thieves of regret (or resentment) and guilt, then believe that others or the "world" has done it to them.
10. Be willing to learn whatever is helpful or necessary to leave the past to the past. There are some psychological techniques...Be willing to discover what your own hidden compulsion is. Address your own interpersonal impact, with some serious self-study.
11. For the person of some Christian belief, deep, profound hurts from a close family member may take regular, sustained prayer even for a long period of time, in order to forgive. Our wounded ego or hurt pride may not yield except through divine grace, and bringing my will into God's loving kindness. Some hurts are so deep that they require patient prayer and time to heal.
12. For the Buddhist, the remedy is the regular practice of meditation, mindfulness, letting go of attachments, the discerning that suffering is an inevitable part of human life, and the attainment of compassion for all creatures. Attachment to one's own views is seen as the source of all pain.
13. If you have the courage, seeking feedback from the other person can be an occasion for considerable increase in self-awareness, some insight and possible reconciliation. Begin by saying: "I'm sorry for my part..."
14. Regardless of whether the other person responds or changes, the final step is to keep on willing love and goodness to them, wishing the best for them.

be one with the pole

Back in February I found this website http://www.groupon.com/. The way it works is that they offer one deal a day and if enough people sign up for it, you get the deal. One particular day, they had a groupon for an intro to pole dancing class at http://www.nypoledancing.com/. You get two intro classes for $24. It was like getting one for free. Technically the website said you didn't need the intro class, and you probably only need it once...but I figure, what the hell, it sounds like fun. I emailed/texted/called a few people hoping that I'd have enough so if we went, it would be private. My sisters & some female cousins were in. With under an hour left, we purchased tickets. Then we went back and forth about 15 times trying to find a date...and then rescheduling. I was beginning to get worried that we wouldn't use it before it expired in July...so I just decided to pick a day, and send around an email informing my group that I would be there, and I hoped they would be too.

Unfortunately just my two sisters made it. We didn't really know what to wear. Last night when i was in Macy's I saw this really skanky black tank top with tiny sequence..that was sheer. I bought it for $8.50 but didn't end up wearing it for my first time. I ended up with regular black shorts, a black tank top and then a green shirt. I brought black lace up heels. When I picked up my sisters, one had jeans and a tee shirt, the other had yoga pants and tank top, both wearing sneakers.

So we get to the studio and I just laugh that we are going to try pole dancing. There were six of us and the instructor. The three other ladies were skinny and wearing small clothing and had really cute huge heels. The instructor was 43 and wearing a sports bra and panties. I honestly couldn't stop looking at her ass. Anyway, first we do warm ups on a yoga mat. Basic stretching, and then some pretty impossible moves for me. Once we are all warmed up, its time to put on our heels (if we had them) and learn the pole. My one sister decided she wasn't even going to try - and just ended up sitting and watching.

We learn small parts of the routine and then start piecing it together. I was very proud of myself for remembering what was to be done. The technique however, I was not good with. I truly now believe that some women just have the sexy gene, and others do not. My family does not have it. Thank goodness we were in the back row. So I am looking around, and the other ladies are GOOD. Really good. There is a huge difference in talent. I later learn that one of them has taken about 8 classes....but still, I think even if I took 8 classes, I might not be that good - who knows. So we learn to walk around the pole, swing our hips, be 'sexy' by feeling our bodies. Then we learn how to slide down the pole. At first I thought she was kidding. this is an intro class. I was so worried that I would just plop to the floor to fast and hurt my ass. But I tried it, and wow, I was actually pretty good at that part! I was shocked at the control you can have sliding down a pole on your back with one leg out. So we learn a bit more and then we learn a spin. That was a bit harder and I seemed to spin to fast and definitely not sexy. The small little girl in front of me had amazing control, it looked beautiful when she did it. Then we learned a lift. Forget that, I could NOT get up. Three factors went into this. 1) I had put lotion on that day - I was wearing shorts after all. 2) I was sweating like you couldn't believe, and the pole gets slippery. 3) I have NO arm strength. I had hope when I saw my little sister did it with no problem. I understood how to do it, but couldn't. The instructor came over to help but told me that my legs were too slippery. Oh well. And then we did the full routine on the left and the right side a few times.

I have to say that it was a lot of fun. You really need to just relax and go with it and not over think how horrible you look. It was probably one of the best workouts I've had, which doesn't say a lot since I don't exercise. However, my skinny super talented instructor was sweating a LOT too, which made me feel better since it shouldn't have been too challenging for her. At the end I felt, proud of myself for doing it; it was a bit of a rush (if you look at the video on the website, a lot of what they say for 'climb and spin' is what we learned today).

If you haven't tried pole dancing yet...I say give it a shot. At least once. You will have a new respect for the ladies that do this, and you will get a great workout....and MAYBE you will be secure enough to do it for your man at home.

I'm not ready to buy myself a pole, but I will tell you that I will definitely take the intro class again - and maybe another time, if I decide to try the climb & spin class (since I am not too talented, I might not get that far). To make it to the inversion class you need to learn X number of climbs & spins before they let you take it. Now I just need to go shopping and get some of those cute dance shorts.

Dear Bank Boy:

Dear Bank Boy,

First I would like to tell you how fortunate I was to work with you 8 years ago. When I was 22, I really enjoyed our casual flirting while I tried to figure out the complicated adult relationships. Flirting helps one self esteem and I would like to think that you help make me secure enough in how I looked for when I found my boyfriend, SI.

Now having been reconnected through FaceBook, we have been able to catch up, for that I was happy about. A lot happens in 6 years and I did think of you often while you were serving our country.

What happened last year, as you know, was a drunken disaster. I will agree it was entertaining, but since that night, our 'friendship' has gotten strange. While I was very excited that you enjoyed your nightcap, and my self esteem was able to inch its way up a little, the constant asking when it would happen again was exhausting. More recently, I thought that perhaps a second go at it this year - provided there were no strings would help my craving (and not count as far as additional numbers) proved to be the same. While I was more comfortable with the idea this time around, it should not be this hard or complicated.

I will admit that every time I hear my phone signal I have a text - I dread looking down and seeing if it is from you asking "When can I get some?" or "Feel like an hour visit?" or "Need company". The constant badgering me makes me want to see you even less. I have told you this, repeatedly.

Also, when I say no, I do not want to have a 20 minute text message conversation about my issues, why not, if I have company over, how you don't 'get me' or about how you "think I want it too but can't admit it". If I wanted it, I would let you know - just like the last time.

I informed you that I didn't want strings or something more than casual. I was not looking for someone I had to talk (IM, text included) to everyday.

I am a single woman who had spent years in a monogamous relationship. I have no idea how to be single and honestly, the thought of sleeping around disgusts me. I'd rather not do it. The few times I have tried to venture out of my comfort zone to try satisfying those needs - have mostly been horrible and not worth it. It is very difficult to enjoy sex when you don't have any feelings for a person, it is slightly easier when you are drunk. But what does being drunk all the time say? It says it shouldn't be happening in the first place.

As much as I am thrilled that you desire me & I should disregard thoughts that maybe I'm not good in bed since clearly, I must be good enough for you to harass me over the last 15 months. I must insist that this charade end. It is wearing me down.

I would like to thank you for helping improve my sexual self esteem. As you can imagine when SI cheated on me with an ex-stripper, it was very difficult to deal with - but he kept me around too. Although I've had enough 'blasts from the past' to let me know that I am actually quite good in bed - when I want to be. I am very much looking forward to my next relationship, and I am sorry to have to say you won't be it. To that end, I would like to say 'good bye'.


And for your enjoyment, some amazing text/IM conversations we have had:

April 21: BB - sleeping? ME - if I was, would you feel bad? BB -actually yes, i don't want to bother you when you are sleeping unless I'm next to you. ME - are you drunk? BB- no, do you want me to be? ME - I honestly don't care one way or the other. To what do I owe this chat? BB-I know you don't care about me, just wanted to say hi....and to see when you're gonna let me undress you again. ME - I like you as a person. BB- what other ways can you like a person? I think you want it just like I do, but too 'afraid' to admit it.

April 24 1:27AM. BB - sleeping? ME- this is unacceptable. That is a warning. BB - ??? ME (6:19AM) - see, you prob don't like to be woken up. Don't text me in middle of night.

May 5: BB - Cinco de mayo. Me- Yup. BB - Maybe I can see you later, just tell me the time and I'll be there. Me - nope, girls night. BB - after you're done with them. ME -Nope. BB - that's wrong. BB (10:22pm) I'm waiting for you. ME - sleeping. BB - Need company?

May 11: BB - When am I going to try your cooking again?

May 17: BB - When am I going to have the privilege of trying your food again?

May 19: BB - When can we meet? ME - STOP. BB- What do you mean? ME - Everyday? Are you going to ask that EVERY DAY? BB- I am asking this because I'd like to see you and I strongly believe that you feel the same, but you keep playing this game. ME - it is really annoying on a daily basis. Just relax a bit.

May 28: BB - still moody? ME - moody with everyone. BB- what can i do to help. ME - you cant. BB - I can try. ME - what with sex? I can sustain w/o that. BB - but that isn't healthy. ME- casual sex isn't the answer, and I have a feeling you'd get a little clingy. BB - well, you are wrong, I only wish we can hang out again. I'm not clingy. if I've been insistent, its because I liked what we had and wish we can repeat it..... (later) I'm not asking you to marry or be my girlfriend, i just want to hang out.

Then I did 'hang out'

June 7: BB - do you want to meet up sometime this week? ME: super busy week (it wasn't). BB - not even for an hour visit? ME- nope. BB - I see. I guess i am done again? ME - why must you label it? if it happens it happens. but i said casual. i wasn't looking for once or more a week. BB- I'm not either but I kinda wanted a second time

June 8: BB- how is your night? ME - fine. BB - so is there any chance to have #3 this week? (later) ????? ME - text messages don't mean instant response.

June 13: BB - Feel like an hour visit? ME - nope. (later) BB - When can I get some?

June 16 via FB Chat:
9.04pm BB - Hello Ms.Moody. ME- I'm not moody. BB-OK but you always have a tone of an attitude. You have an attitude towards everything I do. ME- OR you are just not happy with my responses. BB- why are you like that with me. ME - because you question everything. BB- its not that, I asked a question, that is it. I don't get you. ME- I don't know, I just re-read our conversation I don't see why you are upset. BB - Sometimes I don't know how to deal with it. ME-You don't need to deal with it. BB - we F*ck and then...nothing. ME - ...and then what? I told you straight up I didn't want anything else. BB - but with you, you never know. ME - well, I am sorry that it bothers you but it is nothing new. BB - I enjoy having 'casual' sex with you. I really do. When can we do it again? ME - I am going to sleep. goodnight.

June 22: BB-I thought about you over the weekend.

June 23: BB- Must be busy... ME- Yes busy, and I think it would be best if we didn't text for a while. BB- Why is that? ME- Do I need a reason? I just can't handle this. BB- Handle what? A text message? ME- I am so flattered that you are interested. I am. And for good reasons. However I can't handle all the communication and your persistance. You are a nice guy. I am just not in the same place as you. BB- I don't want a relationship, I like what we do when we get together and I thought you did too. BB- If you want me to be sincere, I like having sex with you. BB- I like taking your clothes off. Have your **** in my mouth. ME- I wonder if I can block phone numbers....I might have to look into that. Those are the kinds of texts that make me want to see/talk to you even less.

I KID YOU NOT these are verbatim conversations....how would YOU deal with it? Now if only I had the guts to send that first part. But I am too nice for that.

Return of the Scrunchie?

Scrunchie. That is today's topic. Such a strange topic to randomly pick, but that is what you get when you ask a friend the first word she is thinking.

So here it goes. I was a typical teen of the 90s. We had high rise jeans and wore big flannel shirts (I even borrowed from my Dad) or silk shirts on a regular basis. Sometimes our jeans were colored - red, blue, black, white, you get the idea. It was very laid back and casual. The grunge look also made an appearance.

I had really long hair and it got in my way a lot, so I'd put it back - in a SCRUNCHIE, a scrunchie is a rubber band with fabric around it. Rommy Revson patented the design in the US in 1986 and named it 'scünci', after her dog. I had so many of these guys as they were fairly cheap. We had this amazing flea market by me, and you can go and get 10 scrunchies for $5. There were so many colors and patterns...I don't think I wore half of the ones I owned. You can wear the srunchie a few ways, like a regular rubberband where you just wrap your hair it in it until it is tight...or you can wrap your hair in a bun, and place the scrunchie around it, so it wasn't twisted. You can also wear the scrunchie as a bracelet and then put it up when needed or use it to dress up a look. Very practical.

So what happened to my 30+ scrunchies? Well, I moved a lot from when I was a teen, so I am assuming I threw most of them away. I do believe I still have 2 or 3 in my bathroom, thinking I'd keep it in case I wanted to throw my hair up...but I haven't used one in years & years. Just now I was thinking, if it hasn't been worn to throw it away...BUT rumor has it that scrunchies will be making a comeback. They have been seen being sold at American Apparel (407 varieties) and Catherine Zeta-Jones was sporting one in January of this year. Everything makes a comeback...but I think it is a little early, no? Maybe I am just getting older.

Photo from American Apparel

For now, I will stick with my very basic and thin rubber band even if at times gets stretched out or tangled in the hair. AND more importantly, I don't have to worry about a guy breaking up with me over a scrunchie like in Sex and the City

Fads of the 1990's include: (notice scrunchie is NOT listed...what's with that?)

spandex shorts

Pokemon

Grunge music and fashion

Koosh Balls

Saved By The Bell

The Macarena

American Gladiators

Extreme sports

Gigapets / Tomogatchi

Trapper Keeper

The Waif Look

Tamagotchi

Spuds MacKenzie

Push Pops

Bowl cut

Beanies (caps/hats)

Stoner and slacker humor (Beavis and Butthead, Bill and Ted?s Excellent Adventure, etc.)

Discman

Multi-colored silk shirts

Wide leg jeans

Radio Disney

Dr. Martens

Oprah's Book Club

V-Chips (for TVs)

Overalls

Chat Rooms

Girl Power

Car air fresheners

Street Fighter

What would Jesus do?

Hypercolor (clothing that changed color with heat)

Eight ball

leather jacket

Pogs

Psych!

Polly Pocket Toys

Hip-Hop

Fashion

I've fallen and I can't get up!

Mortal Kombat games

Claw vending machine

Hi-top fade

Tickle Me Elmo

SUV's

ClackersSlammer

Whammers

Product Review: Roomba

I am not too fond of cleaning. I used to be, 10 years ago. But when me and SI bought a house, we decided to hire a cleaning person (he was also a bit crazy in his desires of cleanliness. Who would have known since he was always a slob at my place). At first I was hesitant - why hire someone to do it if that is something that I can handle. But I ended up LOVING it. I didn't have to spend my weekends or evenings cleaning - just straightening up. So, that only lasted 9 months, then when I lived back home, my parents house was under construction...so cleaning wasn't really necessary. Once I moved into my apartment, which is tiny, cleaning only takes a little while. Sure, I am not doing heavy duty cleaning, just basic dusting, scrubbing, sanitizing the bathroom, and the occasional washing the floors. I got rid of my vacuum when we had the house, we didn't need two. I didn't purchase another one when I moved here. I figured sweeping and mopping would be enough.

Last year a friend told me she just ordered a Roomba 530, a vacuum that self cleans. I finally just bought one on http://www.woot.com/ and just tried it out over the last 10 days.


The roomba lives in a docking station on the floor. When you want to start cleaning, simply take it out and place in the middle of the room. The roomba gets to work. It has several cleaning modes including perimeter, circle, and back & forth. The roomba should take about 25 minutes to clean one room. I learned to close the doors to adjacent rooms so it focuses on one room at a time. The package also came with one virtual wall which keeps the roomba more confined in areas that there may not be doors.

The roomba was actually louder than I had expected (hard to watch TV when it runs in the same room).

I feel this is more of a luxury item. It would be a LOT faster to actually vacuum my apartment with a standard vacuum. But since I am not a big cleaner...I put it on while cooking or washing dishes (i just need to sidestep when it comes near me).

When I read through the user manual I became so excited that there was a timer on the Roomba so you can schedule it to clean. This would be perfect to do while I am at work. However, upon further inspection I realized that was the model one up from the one I purchased.

After the roomba cleaned, I opened the compartment to empty the dust/stuff it picked up. It was super easy to empty. The main compartment had a majority of the particles, but then there was the filter/lint trap area which picked up even smaller pieces. I was actually shocked how many small particles the roomba picked up.

So aside from the noise level (which isn't super loud, all vacuums make noise), and the small battery life (will run for about an hour) and the length of time - I love the roomba. It picks up so much and the floors are noticeably cleaner. Anything to make my life a little easier is a great thing! When its time to replace it (which I hope isn't for a LONG time) I will purchase the higher model so it can run when I am at work.