Tuesday, November 25, 2014

my first meditation

I've been wondering more about spirits because I get this amazing cold shaking sensation at night mostly.  For a while I thought it was hormonal.  And then after that that I was cold and it was just a chill.  But I've been tracking it for a while, trying to learn more about it...and wondered if that is a spirit passing through me.

Now before you laugh, there is every reason for someone to do this to me.  ManFriend.  I summoned him to watch over me for two years.  And while I did feel this sensation 4 years ago at a haunted house, it has been very sporadic until February.  Since February it is a regular occurrence.  Of course ManFriend passed at the end of January.  I talk to him very frequently.  I started to wonder if it is just him letting me know he was there.  I wanted to explore this more.

Being alone out here has been difficult.  I have the constant reminder of what led me here (ManFriend's death + my not wanting to live in NY for about 8 years - after SI).  I've had lots of psychic readings done over the years and most recently a lot have been fairly accurate.  It has become a little bit of a fascination for me...maybe because I need some sort of reassurance that things will be ok.

I found this new psychic group, so I joined.  I was not sure what to expect, but figured, something led me to it, might as well try it.  Everyone was at different levels with me being the most inexperienced and the lady running it doing it professionally.

About an hour into the meeting, the leader led us through a mediation.  I had not previously ever tried mediation and was not sure what to expect.  I was surprised with how fast I became comfortable and relaxed.  After we relaxed our bodies, we called to our spiritual helpers to show themselves.  I didn't see anything, but I felt this pressure in/on my right hand, which was in my pocket.  The timing of this sensation was strange...it was when we were introducing ourselves to them.  I wondered, was I shaking someone's hand in greeting?  We asked our helpers to let us know if there was anything they'd like to share with us.  Again, nothing.  I didn't hear or see or feel anything.  We went through several other requests before we came out of mediation, and I did not get anything else.

We went around the room, if anyone wanted to discuss what they saw or felt.  I shared that it was my first time ever in meditation and that I enjoyed it.  I told them I, sadly, didn't see anything but felt for a brief moment this pressure on my hand.  A lady chimed in that I was a healer.  They asked a few questions, and then I told them a little bit about the chill sensation I get.  I would not be surprised if I was a healer, after all, I like to fix people.  I don't want to say the guys that interest me are charity cases...but they've all had issues and I tried so hard to help them through it.  It is what I do.

I am looking forward to our next meeting...but sad that it is a month away.  I guess I have homework to work on in the meantime.  That night I attempted meditation on my own, but was not successful.  I instead thought so much about other things that I ended up shedding a few tears before calling it quits.  maybe I need to get a tape to walk me through it again.

I am open to the idea of learning more and attempting to gain more knowledge and skill, but I am worried about opening my channel to the undesirable, and will have to make intentions known and clear about my expectations.

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