Tuesday, July 15, 2014

isn't as traumatizing

This morning I spent a few hours packing the last of the items at the apartment and giving it a good scrubbing for the new owner.  The last time I scrubbed the apartment this good was after ManFriend moved out last April/May.  That time I was crying and cleaning.  I missed him and knew that his moving would be the end of our relationship, even though we kept saying it wouldn't be.

This time, it hasn't been as sad.  I have thought about him constantly as I am emptying the place that the one thing we had in common is almost no more.  Everything about the apartment reminds me of ManFriend and it is bittersweet to have that end.  It will be nice to give my brain a break and I know that he will stay with me in memories and I continue to thank him for watching over me - making the move happen.  So this isn't as traumatizing; I am very happy with the decision and I am looking forward to the uncertainty ahead.

And when I closed the apartment door for the second to last time, I took a moment to think about how far I came in the last 6 years.

It wasn't until I picked up my mom at a restaurant that I got teary eyed, it was the place ManFriend and I went for drinks the night he told me he wanted our relationship to progress, and when we got back home he told me he loved me.  Amazing that a restaurant brought more water to my eyes than vacating the apartment...then again, I had four months of watery eyes in the apartment.  At least now when I get emotional and shed a few tears, it ends quickly and then I am OK again.

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