Monday, February 11, 2013

A few points of clarification

I have been getting some interesting feedback lately on my posts.  (I wish I could email you all back, but blogger blocks your email address so I can't).

1.  I am not suicidal.  When I wrote about death and suicide in December it was because I lost a friend.  I spent time thinking about our friendship, about life and about how I can help other people so they don't feel so lost or confused or sad.  If I was going to kill myself, I would have done it 4-5 years ago when my life was torn apart...but it wasn't worth it then - to give SI the gratification of my death - and it certainly isn't going to happen now when I am better.  I know I will never feel that horrible ever again, I won't let myself.  My point in that post was that I am not going to judge a person should they take their own life - but do it without causing mass murder.  Yes, suicide hurts those that are still here on Earth, I am certainly not discounting that at all.

2.  The Man Friend issue.  Sure, it isn't the best relationship and I know it isn't a forever thing...but until then what can I say, I think he is attractive, I miss him when I don't spend time with him. I like him...sometimes a lot.  I use the blog sometimes to vent, so many of you are only reading the negatives about him....but considering we started our 'relationship' last November...when did you read the first post about him?  Not till December when I hinted at it and not until February when I started to realize it was lasting longer than I thought it was going to.  Don't worry, he is not my future husband. And if you get mad reading about him and my lack of strength to end it...imagine that annoyance and anger and amplify it 95% and that is what you should have felt after the SI ordeal.  While Man Friend annoys me at times, at least I am not being emotionally abused or intentionally mislead.  I am continuing to learn about myself and about my tolerance levels of others.  He & I were meant to have this weird relationship and while I know it isn't forever I needed this. I needed to learn to trust a man again, I needed to love and not, I needed to realize what my fh is so I won't take him for granted when I met him.  This was a very important part of my life.

3.  Don't take this blog ultra seriously.  It is here mostly for me - to help me brainstorm life.  I chose topics that are somewhat relevant to what I am going through at the time - and to share it with you so you don't feel alone, no matter the circumstance someone's been in the situation before.  If something relates to you - I hope I can share my point of view....which is not the correct one...but mine.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, including me.  Maybe you'll learn from my mistakes, maybe you'll say that what you are going through isn't as bad as what I did, maybe you'll say I haven't a clue compared to what you went through. The point is, it doesn't is perspective and it can help.

4.  This is a public blog...therefore nothing on here is really a secret.  Someone posted "...nieces and nephews adore you, I hope they never find this blog" If you think my family doesn't know about my problems, you are mistaken.  Ok this blog isn't appropriate for kids that age - but not because of my sadness, it is because the topics are too mature for their age.   The rest of my family may not understand them...but they know about my problems and are mostly always supportive.  Friends and men disappear - but I am lucky enough to have an absolutely amazing family that has and will continue to stick by my side no matter what.  I am not embarrassed about any of this.  A niece looks at me and wants to be like me - smart, attractive and independent.  Through my own pain, I have inadvertently taught them about this other lifestyle - about not being married but still considered a grownup.

5.  My lack of variety in posts lately.  What can I say, I get writer's block.  There are many times I sit at the computer and have blogger open and think what am I going to write tonight?  Then 30 minutes goes by, nothing.  This continues.  I think, my readers don't want to hear about this or that again.  But sometimes that is the only thing on my mind.  I too am very disappointed in my variety these last few months.  Why don't you email me some topic ideas?

6.  I am not funny anymore.  This is true. Again, it depends on where I am emotionally.  I am more funny when I am happy without a care in the world.  When I am depressed I tend to vent and share things that piss me off.  Unfortunately I have been less than happy lately so this shouldn't be a surprise.  I also have a 'different' sense of humor than you - it is more dry and witty, and it definitely does not come across well on a blog.  Sometimes you think I am serious but I am being sarcastic.  Maybe I just need some motivation and experiences so I can have something funny to share with you.  I'll try to work on that.

7.  Instead of complaining about life, do something about it.  This IS my journey. It takes a while and I am allowed to complain a little bit here and there.  I know my life is going to be amazing...and you will read some of that eventually, but I am not going to change it overnight. I equate that to a fad diet, too much change too soon will not give you long lasting results. I am not looking for a band-aid/quick fix, I am working on a life change.  It is not an easy process, and I've had a lot of help along with the way with my life coach and from family and friends.  I give myself credit, I've come a long way in the last 3-4 years.

8.  One of the most read posts is about laser hair removal with over 12,000 hits - yet only 8 comments.  I hope that on topics that I share an experience to make you more informed actually helps.  I am guessing it does because I get such few comments and the most popular posts which means people don't disagree with me.

9.  Why do I struggle being single?  The grass is always greener on the other side.  All these married people don't seem to understand my struggles.  You think being single would be amazing, I don't have to worry about making a man happy or chasing after kids...but what you don't understand is I don't have that even if I wanted it.  Give single people more credit - it is very difficult thing to do unless you want to be a bachelor/ette.    Being single means being alone a lot, not having someone to check in on you, not having someone to help you, not having someone to travel with or have a date to a wedding.  It means doing things ALONE.  When is the last time you ate in a restaurant alone? Took a trip alone?  Spent a whole weekend day not speaking since there was no one there to listen.  These are regular occurrences for me.  Even without a man to share that with - my female friends are mostly married and why would they want to take a trip with me when they have that special person?  Being single can be lonely at times.  Sure, I have moments I am thrilled I don't have to worry about that marriage/kid stuff - but in the end, my life isn't complete without it.  Please try not to judge too much if you can't relate.

10.  I have issues.  Sure, don't we all?

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