Friday, December 28, 2012

He loves me not, he loves me?

I was making out with ManFriend tonight and he said "We act more like a couple" and I said "uh huh" and kept kissing him.  He said "Maybe we should try it?"  I reply "Try what?" (Remember I am a bitch at times).  So I expressed my concerns regarding the logistics if he is moving sooner than me.  He said we'd talk about it later.

So we go out to a bar and have a few drinks...go back to his place, and we are in bed - he says "who is going to say it first tonight?" I reply "certainly not I".   But a moment later he said it.  "I love you".


Can I say that again?  Holy Crap.

So we went from casual sex to love?  I don't think that is normal.

But am I surprised?  No, we've been doing this for 13 months.  Clearly with all my postings, I get so annoyed by him, because I expected or wanted more at times throughout the year.  There have been times I almost blurted it out myself, but I stopped myself because of two reasons - 1) was it just in the moment since how can I love someone I really don't know and 2) I couldn't say it out loud when we weren't even dating.

I am not going to lie, I never really do, I was happy about this, it means I'be been doing something right.  But can he really love me?  I know he loves being in bed with me.  We watch TV.  We go out to eat sometimes...but that is it.  Can that be love?  It is completely different from the first and only other time I was in love.

I've only said I love you to SI.  I don't take it lightly and so I didn't say it back.  I know he doesn't understand my hesitation.  He knows I feel it, sort of...he said, 'I can see it in your eyes and what you do to and for me'.

He wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have very strong feelings for him.

He asked to hang out on New Years, so I guess we'll talk about this stuff more on Monday.  I guess I have a bit of thinking to do...and questions I need to ask what does he think being part of a couple entails?      Is he automatically a date to a wedding?  An automatic yes to a concert I want to see?  Dinner with the family on a random Saturday?  Doing his laundry?  Or the same exact thing we've been doing except exclusively.

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