Forgiving those who hurt us...and who won't apologize - This chapter was helpful for two reasons. One, there is a lot of truth behind it...many people won't apologize for their actions and it eats away at you. Two, it puts it into perspective and helps you find ways to lessen the hurt if full forgiveness isn't possible.
What to do when forgiveness just won't come - I loved this chapter because it really resonated with me and what I am going through. I have tried to forgive a lot, but it is still there that "hook" is still in me.
The chapter "The Fear of Loss of Control" stated "forgiveness is so hard because it represents giving up on the wish that the past will be different....As long as you are hoping the past will change, you can be angry that it hasn't' (pg 221). We all want control of things - and when something is out of our control we get upset to say the least.
Overall I liked this book, it really helped me understand other aspects of forgiveness and it reassured me that the steps I have taken are good, but more still needs to be done. I am walking away not only with that knowledge, but also with insight into the future. There will be many times in the future where something will bother me, and knowing how to prevent that anger from getting so full force will benefit me in so many ways. Currently, almost daily I am annoyed by people and their actions. Sometimes I have let them get the better of me and I carry that annoyance for a day or so making everything on top of it seem like a bigger deal than it is. Hopefully now I can take things with a grain of salt - that I can try not to let it infuriate me when people cut me off in traffic, yell at me at work, etc. I am realizing that people's bad actions are because they are not secure enough in themselves. They have issues, but I have control of mine, and I don't want the burden of that. If I can lower (because realistically, eliminating seems impossible at this time) the instances where I get so worked up that I get hurt or where I can forgive people faster then I come out of it on top.
"Reaching forgiveness takes guts" (pg 15) and not everyone is capable of being strong enough, having the self-discipline, the courage or is brave enough to do so. The person who hurts you is cowardly, in the sense that they could have prevented the hurt if they were honest and forthright. They have more issues than you...and when you are truly hurt, it is a sign that you have decent morals because the pain caused is never something you can understand because it would never cross your mind to do so. But Hallowell thinks if we can try to understand what led the other person to cause you pain, you will be able to forgive, and this is where I get stuck and where I realize I must work on this to complete the forgiveness process.
I think anyone who is angry or has been hurt and it has been going on for a while, should read this book. You are not alone, and reading some of the stories within the book that you can relate to do help, even if in a small way. I will be recommending this book to one of my sisters, and I just gave it to a co-worker.