Somewhere along the lines I grew a fear of commitment. Of course we all know where that came from - but I didn't realize how bad it has become. I am not talking about the commitment to another man, but things way less important such as what to eat, where to go, how to style my hair or even what color towels to buy.
I am a planner, but yet, planning things too far away has become very hard for me because I don't want to be single, and I don't want to plan trips for one, nor do I buy concert tickets because I'd want to bring someone along. But being single with few friends makes it hard to do things I want to do...so I don't do anything.
But one thing I can commit to, is plans I make, unless of course I get the flu. I am a stickler for following through and it really upsets me when other people can't. I know I sound like a broken record, but is it so hard for people to actually return calls when they said they would? Is it hard to follow through? Do people joke around and say things they don't mean on a regular basis assuming that the person on the receiving end will know they don't mean it instead of getting annoyed or upset for that lack of follow through? Why don't they value MY time?
Just when I think I can get over my biggest fear of trust and maybe actually start dating, I am left wondering if I can ever really get there. But I know I can because these things wouldn't bother me so much if in fact I had no feelings. One thing I know I will be able to overcome is trusting someone and committing faithfully to a man regardless of my past.
Another one bites the dust.