Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Don't be so quick to walk away

Was it wrong of me to get upset when someone kind of ignored me all weekend after alluding to wanting to see me all weekend?  I do not believe I overreacted. 

See, in the past I allowed men to treat me like shit, so they did. They knew they could get away with it because the nice sweet wonderful person I was, I forgave them and the cycle would continue.  I thought that being in a relationship that I was expected to do that; after all I loved someone and something small is worth forgiving.  But the issue come when that small thing happens all the time. It becomes frequent...and because I started a trend of it not being a big deal, it was hard to come out of that. I suffered inside and eventually it took a toll.

Since then I haven't really dated anyone seriously, but that doesn't stop the men from acting similar to the old bf.  Cancelling plans at the last minute, forgetting to call, saying you are going to do something and not following through - these are things that have annoyed the crap out of me for the last ten years. I vowed to myself I wouldn't take it anymore - why should I? Don't I deserve more respect?

So this weekend when someone new forgot to take 10 seconds out of their day to at least text me he was ill - I wrote him off as I told myself I would.  But a few days later he pretended nothing happened, it was no big deal.  And while I understand men and women think differently, I have a hard time grasping that men can be so naive when it comes down to consideration [Although truthfully, if I were to meet a super considerate man, I probably wouldn't find him attractive in other areas].  While being a bit snotty in my return texts I finally give in and say what I felt and wouldn't you know, a really super simple apology still works.  I am not saying I didn't continue to hold a small grudge for a few hours/days...but we all know I will cave in.  After all, how can I hold him responsible for something he had no idea pisses me off? We never talked about that nor does he realize that 80% of the men I've talked to or been with in the last 8 years have done this and that I am a bit more sensitive to it than other women.

I am not saying I wouldn't understand if something was cancelled. I am one of the most understanding people out there...for good reasons.  Don't blow me off because something/someone better came along, but if you are legitimately sick or have a last minute work meeting, I totally get it.  Let's reschedule and then make it up to me. Do one thing extra nice.  Even something as simple as when you are out on the day we were supposed to do something -send a short text "this meeting sucks would rather be spending the night with you" or anything really to show that you are thinking of me.

This consideration thing applies to all different levels of friendship or relationships from the married to the very new and casual.  It is not rocket science - if you want to see someone again or be in some one's good graces be honest and truthful and show some respect.

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