Sunday, April 7, 2013

I'm his angel

I met up with ManFriend late last night. He was at the bar, drunk.  I go there, and I am about to walk right back out; I didn't go there to fight or to defend myself.  I know we haven't been communicating well, and I think it is because both of us are in unfamiliar territory regarding our feeling for each other.

So after we chat about what we do to piss the other off, he tells me that I am his angel.  That I am beautiful outside, but even more beautiful inside.  That I saved him.  When we met, he wasn't expecting to find me or even want anything to do with a woman.  He was in a really dark and depressed place and he is so grateful for everything I've done and the ways I've supported him over the last year and a half.  He knows that he has been hard to deal with, but he blames it on being a Gemini.  I got tears in my eyes, it was so sweet, and I know he meant it because he was drunk.  To have someone tell you you've impacted their life so much, is truly amazing.  I love that I helped someone so much - that my support and love is felt and that the other person acknowledges it.

But I wonder and even asked him if he felt that way, why doesn't he show it or tell me, and I've done so much for him, but when I need him emotionally to support me he doesn't and I need more from him and I never get it.  Then he told me I was emotionally high maintenance - I am not sure I agree, I think I've only expected a 'normal' level - or something equivalent to what I've given him.  We stare into each other's eyes and I smile because I know even though he pisses me off to no end, that I love him. 

We go back to his place. The sex was fantastic and different and lasted over an hour and I was like....why have you been holding back when you are capable of this?

1 comment:

  1. Emotionally high maintenance is bullshit code for "I can only express myself when I'm drunk"

    Which is bad news.

    He needs to tell you how he feels soberly or not at all. You should try to make him talk about it when he's sober and see what he says, just to make sure it wasn't a "line" he was feeding you to get your to have sex... hmmm...