Thursday, August 6, 2015

reentering the dating world

I decided to try this dating thing again after taking a few months off.  Since I was not meeting people inperson or through the few meetups I attended, I figured I should signup for the online dating site again.  I went with the one I did last time because it came out to be a smiggen cheaper and I already had a profile so it was less work.  

Being more proactive was a priority.  I needed to message men whose profiles I liked aside from just responding to first inquires.  Also, the last time I tried this if I went out with a guy and liked him enough to want to see him again/learn more about him, I didn't continue responding/meeting other people....a mistake.  

It started well.  A lot of interest, I couldn't keep up.  I narrowed it down to five guys to meet first.  Going against giving out my number prior to meeting, I gave out my number to this one guy before our first date.  He texted me a lot, called me a few times.  I didn't want to invest that much time takling to someone before I meet them...what was I thinking?   Anyway, he cancelled on me the morning of our date saying he had an emergency conference call that evening.  OK...but he didn't bother to reschedule nor did he ever text / call again.  No problem.  He wasn't my 'type' anyway.  

A few days later I met up with a guy with a full beard/mustache that was slightly tinted red.  I am not a red-head fan...but he seemed a little interesting.  He recently became a teacher and had hobbies I hope to maybe start enjoying.   We meet for drinks.  Since he picked the place and parking was a 2 hour limit...he limited our date to under 2 hours because he was a few minutes late.  Conversation was interesting and he was fairly easy to talk to.  I had a few concerns, but it wasn't anything big.  I wrap up the date telling him I was meeting a few other people over the next week, then going away so I'd be in touch towards the end of the month via online site; I didn't give him my number.

I run home, relax, freshen up and head out for my next date.  This guy is at the top of my age range...but there was something about his picture that I liked.  Of all five guys, this was the only one where I initiated the online conversation.  We met at a Mexican place.  I arrived early so I grabbed a high top near the bar.  I tend to only commit to drinks...I don't want to be tied into a meal with someone I might not like (I learned that in my 20s).  After 90 minutes we ordered dinner.  After a slow dinner, we walked around the complex.  After we walked around, he helped me find my car.  I gave him my phone number and we made plans to see each other in two days.  Our second date we car pooled into the city and went to this street thing - not a festival, more like a relaxing game filled street party?  We had lunch, went for a beer someplace else and just walked around.  We drove back to my car and I find saying goodbye in a car to be so awkward.  I lean in for a hug slash half missed kiss and just got out of the car. I think he had a huge smile on his face, but I was embarrassed by our awkward goodbye.  The following day we made plans for 3 days later to have an appetizer and see a movie.  3 dates with the same guy in 6 days....

In between date number 2 & 3 for the guy above, I met someone else.  He seemed very 'normal' in his pictures.  I arrived on time/early to the bar, grabbed a seat and waited.  He showed up a few minutes late and looked around and then had a seat in the reception area....really?   Strike one.  I go over and get him and bring him back.  He ordered an iced-tea because he was on call.   No problem, aside from that fact he drank like 10 and probably had a pound of sugar with it.  Just like with date #1, conversation was fairly easy...he talked so much and barely asked me anything.  I learned about him loving being an old child growing up because he was so spoiled, that his best friend encouraged him to film porn, about a road trip he took with an ex-girlfriend, that his favorite food is spaghetti but most importantly, at 41, his current age, he just got his first 'real' job, that he loves.  OK, so he tried to start his own business and that lasted about 5 years...but before that....we are talking PetSmart, Pizza Hut, etc.  He JUST moved into his own apartment to be closer to work, but lived with his mother for a long time.  Can I judge? I mean, I moved home to pay off my credit card debt.  And salaries are lower than most I get it...but...I don't know.  Seemed something was off.   I knew within 10 minutes I didn't want to see him again...but I allowed conversation to keep going for 90 minutes.  I tried a few times to wrap it up, but he was a talker!  I pay our tab.  At the end he was like 'I never know what to do at the end of a date'.  I know, it is complicated.  I responded "I'll be honest.  This week I had several dates lined up to meet people..."  where he interjected with "I am not surprised"   What does that mean??   anyway....I continue, "we should just wrap this up and that is it."  We walked out together and I felt like he wanted I say, 'have a great night.  Drive safe" and walk to my car.  

That night, I check my profile and my possible date #5 was not available to meet my only free day that week; family in town.  So I explained that I won't be around until the end of the month...and if he was free and still interested we can think about getting together in a few weeks.  

So, it was an interesting first re-attempt at dating.  I am glad I booked a few dates in a week...not only did it give me something to do, but I am continually learning how to talk on dates.  I don't go into first dates nervous anymore...but if it gets to date #3 I start to panic.  I mean...this is where it has the potential to see yourself possibly in a relationship with the person.  All that down the line thinking freaks me out.  I get so nervous about the first kiss.  getting naked. having sex.  not knowing how much to share when they ask questions to avoid not lying but not saying everything.  judgement...will they like the food I cook/bake for them?  Does he snore?  Is he messy?  Could he be a good father.  Am I too big for him?  Such thoughts start creeping in and I try so hard to push them away and just be in the moment and see where it takes you...but I over think and over analyze.  

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