Wednesday, March 4, 2015

rethink biological children

I was at dinner with two new people from my group and we came upon the topic of children and if I had any.  Unfortunately not was my answer.  In my 20s I wanted a bunch of children, now, I don't know.  So I told them that I had hoped with my moving out to Colorado that maybe I'd be able to adopt a child.  A few questions later when I said I wanted a 5-7 year old, I got a 15 minute lecture on why that is a horrible idea.  "Do you know the problems those kids have?", but I can only imagine some of them.  Most had horrible years of some sort of abuse or neglect and the others had a trauma.  "Why would you want to do that? Don't you deserve to raise a child with less problems"  I don't think I am entitled to anything, whose to say my biological child won't have problems?  Every child needs someone to love them.   "Sure, that is a benefit for a child, what about you?"  Well, all an adult wants is someone to love.  I get my happiness from that, knowing that I am trying to help someone and giving my love to someone, and hope that they would eventually trust me and then love me.  She shakes her head in disapproval.  I ask, if I shouldn't adopt a child in that range, who is worthy of adopting?  "a baby" she replies.   So I ask, if people like me who want to adopt children (not babies) don't...what happens to all those kids?  They are just stuck there having a more messed up life, being bounced around from foster home to foster home or in homes where they may not be loved?  What did they do to deserve that?  Unfortunately then our other meal mate returned to his seat, and the conversation ended.

This lady is smart and educated....and I know that in her line of work she deals with a lot of issues that these kids have on a regular basis.  So, I know she is talking from experience, but, still, this was upsetting to me.  I am not sure if I will have biological children.  I am not sure I will foster or adopt child(ren) it all depends on my financial state and if I meet a man before then that wants a biological child (if even possible).

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