Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why

Day 29 - Something I hope to change about myself

Two things I hope to change about myself would be my comfort level with sex and being courageous enough to do more things by myself.

I am in my thirties and I am not a virgin, so why is my comfort level with sex so low?  I mostly blame SI for that one...I mean, getting cheated on puts things in perspective.  Was it because the sex was horrible?  But if that was the case, why did he keep me around for another two years or so?  After SI, I had sex with a few other people that I didn't like...and well, because of that - I didn't put effort in to trying to have good sex and I didn't think those people deserved me knocking their socks off...then they'd just want it more and I didn't.  Then came HSK and the sex was amazing but it didn't last long. He definitely helped reboost the self esteem in that area, but not enough.  To find a guy you can openly talk to about your areas of improvement and willingness to help you could be hard. I am not the kind of girl that will settle for OK sex...I want good. I want to keep coming back for more. I want them to keep me interested and change things up not the same old boring thing all the time.  I will get there, I know I will.

The second thing I keep hoping that I won't have to face:  doing more things by myself.  I want someone in my life to SHARE so many things with me.  Vacations, new restaurants/foods, a Saturday afternoon, chores, etc.  For the last 5 years I have done a lot of things alone, and have tried to make it a goal to do things out of my comfort zone.  Sometimes I reached my quotas sometimes I didn't.  Even if I do find myself in a relationship then this is still a good skill to have because I don't want my man to be stuck on me - I'd want him to go out with his friends once in a while and I do the same.  Alone time is important.

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