Monday, May 4, 2015

I need a sign

It's been a little over nine months since I moved.  In a way, the time went so slow but yet so fast.  I guess, I've been trying to think if it was worth it.  Six months without a job and draining my savings account, a job that seems kinda perfect for me but yet, I am underpaid and makes it a bit difficult to have the life I want. I miss my family.  I haven't made connections with guys or girls.  I have a few friends...but they aren't good friends I could count on, well, except for my roommate - she's been a blessing.

So I've been trying to look for signs.  Did I do the right thing for me by moving here?  Or was it not worth it?  Am I supposed to see the signs along the way, or after the fact? And if it is after the fact, am I not just connecting the signs with the way it turned out?

Looking back, I am wondering where the signs were.

Of course it worked out perfectly that my roommate needed a place to stay at the same time I did....and it's worked out really well.   The job I accepted I had that feeling during writing my resume and cover letter and the interview - like I did at my last job, that it was mine before they even offered it to me.  Is that it for the good things/timings?

Some of the struggles, which of course I am not opposed to because when you eventually get appreciate it even more, is the low salary, the commute, not having friends I could count on, not having friends that want to travel with me, super high health insurance deductible, not having family around, and just not feeling like I assimilated as I should have.

I am tired a lot.  I've been more emotional in the last month than I have been in the last three.  I am starting to doubt myself.  Wondering if I will ever meet my goals of this better life and maybe raising a kid. I still feel like I could be happy here...but there are a lot of 'ifs' that ago with the rest of that statement.  And those 'ifs' are more important than location, as long as they are there....I can be anywhere.

So, universe, please, throw me an obvious sign.  I am not picking up on your subtle hints and signs.

No comments:

Post a Comment