July 25th

In the midst of this heat wave, I decide to go to Jones Beach yesterday.  The ONE day that is is cloudy with - get this...50% chance of rain...can the weather predictors be any worse?  Anyway, I decided even if it is not beautiful out, I'd go to the beach to reflect, to think, to see if any thoughts come to mind about my life and how I can change it.  I arrived at 9:30am and the beach was virtually empty which made it even better.  I picked a  spot away from the life guards and sat alone looking out to the ocean; enjoying the view.

My phone rings.  Normally I would have left it in the car but since a friend was going to meet me later, I brought it with me.  I look at the phone and the area code scares me..I hesitate and then decide to answer, but the person had already hang up and left no message.  Whenever I see a call from that area code my heart drops...it is the same area code as SI...and while a million other people have that area code, it wouldn't be the first time I received a call from someone he dated.  When I got home I looked up the number...but was too scared to do more of a search using their names; I can't know. Unfortunately my time of reflection was over. I put my headphones on and enjoyed when the sun peeked out from the clouds.

Memorial Day weekend, I attended that beer pong party at Skater Boy's house.  I met a few people and I've been chatting occasionally with this one guy.  Turns out he was on Long Island for the weekend, so he decided to meet me at the beach. I was proud of myself, I was putting myself in an uncomfortable position - meeting up with an almost stranger.  He got there way later than he originally said...but I didn't mind since I was enjoying my time alone.  It was a little awkward I guess at first since I am not really a 'fun' kind of person - so we just talked for 3 hours until the rain started then we headed over to grab a small bite to eat.  We made plans to get together to try out this restaurant near me because I was just so happy to discover, a year too late, that Westchester now has an Ethiopian restaurant. I can't wait to try it. Yum Yum Yum.  But more important, how do I know if that was a date?  I've gotten about 30 texts since I left him yesterday and another invite to the beach that I can't do.  He isn't my future husband...but I have been looking for a short fling or maybe someone to have casual sex with...but he lives an hour away...and that is not ideal on my gas tank.  And, the whole idea of that still scares the crapola out of me...why was it so easy with HSK but not with other people? ugh.

I get back home and Skater Boy and I text for an hour or two. He moved so I know it is easier for me to flirt with him when I know I won't see him for months/years/if ever again.