the creepy guy

It was 12:11 am, I was waiting 58 minutes for a train in Grand Central.  I was minding my own business, texting with a few people when I notice this guy staring at me.  By now, my buzz wore off so I asked this man "what?".  He comes closer, still staring at me.  I look around the empty station and notice where the police and other people are, just in case.  The man is inches from me and tell me that I am absolutely beautiful, he couldn't take his eyes off me and he leans in to kiss me.

whoa!  I couldn't back up as I was leaning against the wall.  I say "what do you think you are doing?"  to which he replied "you are so pretty I have to kiss you".  I shake my head and say "you are probably married, what makes you think you can just kiss a stranger?  Show me your left hand."  He pulls out his right hand and I laugh.  He takes out his left hand and sure enough there is a gold band on his ring finger.  I say "sorry, I don't kiss married men, but maybe this passed out lady right here would be honored, go bother her".  But instead he continues to chat with me and tells me about his plans with his family the following day.  Eventually he walks away.  I continue texting my friend and then 5 or 10 minutes later the man came back for more.  I am not sure if he didn't remember talking to me or if he just wanted to continue talking to me.  After a few minutes, I say that we should probably head to our respective trains.

I couldn't help but wonder if this man does this regularly, and if so, how many women actually go along with it?

misleading advertising

I was on the United Airlines website and found a flight I wanted.  I clicked it to begin the checkout process and then I saw that I could save $50 if I apply for the United credit card.  I figured, why not...I travel.  I'd love to save $50 off this overpriced airfare and get extra miles...even better.

I clicked the link and filled out the application.  In seconds I discover I was approved.  I go back to the United website to finish my purchase, and it won't go through.  The flight was put on hold, so I tried again the next morning.  I called United to explain to them that I can't purchase this flight with the new credit card - while I didn't have the card, it shows in my account.  They tell me I need the card code on the back and it must be activated, therefore I have to pay with another card if I want the flight.  I attempt to explain to the customer service rep that I signed up for the card so I can get the $50 off...it defeats the whole point if I have to pay with another card.  I talked to her supervisor to explain, and she too said that another card is needed.  I told them that the adversiement is misleading..that I can not get the $50 off that flight because any flight would not work until after you get the card, which could take up to two week - and I read the Get Details.  If that was the case...I wouldn't have applied for the card.  I asked because of the misleading advertising and now all this time on hold, if they can just discount my airfare by the $50 and I'd give them a credit card over the phone.  No, they claim they can't change the price.  42 minutes...I didn't get anywhere.

I called the United credit card company to ask them to stop the credit card application, but they said they can not do that. I told them I no longer wanted the card because I was not able to use it to purchase my ticket.  They didn't care.  I have to wait until I get the card and then call them back.

I know I am not a special frequent flier, I am just a regular person.  But I want all of you to beware of this advertising.  Sure...the deal is correct $50 off your first (and only) statement...so that credit does NOT roll over to other months.  You'd have to consciously one day say, hey, I want an airline credit card, let me do this now, a few weeks before I book a flight.  Then once you get it, then sure, you get your $50 statement credit.

I did end up purchasing the flight anyway because it was the best time/date/price combination I was able to find in the two week period.

final payment

A last update on ManFriend.  After he told me about giving my earrings to another woman, I messaged him I wanted my money for the furniture and another $100 for the earrings by the time I returned from Indianapolis.

Unfortunately, over the last week, I thought about what kind of person I am and how I let people take advantage of me, but not wanting to change because of how a few people have treated me.

I am a very moral person. I believe in doing the right thing.  And it REALLY upset me that someone would just take-take-take.  Especially because asking for $400 was nothing compared to what was really owed to me...I thought I was being nice and really giving him a break.  Anyway, I struggled with considering small claims court...but since he moved states...that might have been really difficult. I thought about filing a police claim for theft, but it seemed so petty. I considered just going down there and taking it back, but I am a scardy-cat.  And really, it was only $400, small amount of money...and it wasn't the money I wanted, but him to PAY it. I know, it is wrong.

One of the first things I do when I got back to town was check my PO box, but there was no check.  However, it arrived today at the place I am currently staying for $300.  I am happy I don't have to worry about small claims.  But he found another way to piss me off, one last time.  OK, so he decided to send a personal check not a cashier's check and he dismissed the earrings.  whatever. I did wear them all the time and they were about $80 from one of those home jewelry parties...but really not a huge deal, I have them in copper too.

But what annoyed me was that the check was folded in a blank piece of paper in the envelope.  There was no note. Back on June 7th he said 'never mind the nice card I bought for you'...that he wanted to send the check to me with. I wanted that card. I wanted an apology. I wanted something.  Even a thank you for being patient or for the bargain furniture.  Not even a 'here you go'.

Another friend did this to me once. Sent me a check in a blank card.  No note.  I don't understand why people do this.  Are you so pissed off at me that you have to send me money?  That money is rightfully mine.  In a way, I perceive that action as they blame ME for whatever it is.  And I don't speak to that other person anymore either.  Is ManFriend so pissed off at me that he owed me a super small amount of money? or it could be anything ranging from knowing I would never speak to him again, that he fucked another woman or fifty and felt guilty that he was still attracted to me, or even that he knew I wouldn't drop it.  The best part...now that I have the money...I really don't care anymore.

I feel like a huge weight/distraction has been lifted. I feel better.  I know I'll never speak to him again, and I am finally OK with that. I am going to try that prayer to St. Anne again and very soon, my future husband will come strolling along.

a drunk tirade about men using me or shocking me for being so supportive

(I posted this and removed it...but why not share it even if my thoughts are not logical and I am repetitive & I need a better name than OldMan because he isn't 90)

full disclosure. I am drunk. After ManFriend's text earlier today, I knew i still had to go out with OldMan to get drunk. I even contemplated having sex with him...you know 'best way to get over someone is to get under someone'...but I am not that kind of person.

I had a rough day. I cried a lot.  My work friend Karen had to deal with hysterical denise.  My OldMan friend had to witness me cry a few times, my life coach has seen me cry...but not for a year or so.  And doofy the other day was a lifesaver.

I want to thank my one anonymous reader who reached out to my last post and was so supportive. I want to say that it shocked me...I don't have real life friends who are that kind and sweet, so THANK YOU, it brought tears to my eyes when I read your comment.

I feel like I am a basket case right now.   i want to say this ins't me...but i guess it is.  You will read in the next coming days/weeks some of the issues that I am going through, and my 'homework' assigned to me by my life coach.  maybe it will help put things into perspective. I have a lot of figuring out to do with my 'real life'  friends...and if I need to get rid of them. I have to figure out what do I expect from a friend and when is it time to tell them I can't be friends anymore.   I need to set boundaries. I am tired of being disappointed.

I am tired of being disappointed in men too.  I am tired of it all.  I understand and accept it is all my fault and my problem. I let it happen. I somehow allow men to think it is absolutely fine for them to treat me like shit and use me...because I am single and naive and don't know better...no that ins't true at all.   i am single sure, but my issue really lays with me being so sweet and wanting to help people and putting a trust in them that at some point they will reciprocate their actions....and they don't.

that issue today with ManFriend really pissed me off.  First of all..was he kidding? I don't know.  I doubt it. But really, what kind of woman would accept earring willingly if it wasn't a gift.  And is he giving gifts already??? Shit, I  didn't get one nice thing...what did she do to get a fucking gift, even if it is used?   But who tells someone that?  LIE.  I don't believe in lies..but in this instance, yes I do.  Or the omission of truth is fine too.  I am not stupid. I know he will never give me the money he owes me, and I wish I was strong enough to go to NJ and knock on his door and demand to take it home with me.  I looked into small claims court earlier today, and I am not sure it is worth it. I texted Cop#1, I haven't talked to him since October...to see what would happen if I file a stolen goods report.  I haven't heard back.  OK, so I have to accept that not only was ManFriend an asshole, he is a con-artist.  Good for him.  he won.  i am not sure i want to fight this battle. i might just raise the white flag and forget the principles and just let him disappear out of my life. It would be better that way.

Did he play me because the first time we went out I devoldged the truth about my past and told him the secrets to why I am so depressed and un-trusting of men? Did he realize then he would be able to get whatever out of me he wanted because he heard how devoted I was to SI that I allowed him to manipulate and control me for years hoping something would change?

Unfortunately for ManFriend, SI still out beats you.  At least he pretended to show interest in me.  I never hated SI.  I loved him so much that I eventually accepted what happened, even blamed myself.  With ManFriend...I am growing hatred for him.  Not one nice thing i got from that man, aside from a drunk tirade about what an angel I was....but yet it was still fitting for him to throw it in my face he was sleeping around.  I am livid. I am fuming. but I am not 100% surprised either.  He is a man after all.

OldMan friend is so sweet.  He really is nice. I feel bad and guilty. I don't want to mislead him and I've told him as much...but I feel like he is meant to be my friend right now.  Out of all the people I consider friends, the least likely really stood out this week, and I can't thank them enough.

Seriously?

I left a pair of earrings at ManFriend's place when I was there a few weeks ago. I just remembered to ask him for them. 

His response, 'this is embarassing. I gave them to someone else, I thought they were hers. I am not sure if I can get them back'.

WTF. 

I knew he would be having sex with other people...I guess I didn't realize it would have been within the first month of us ending it...but it was probably before. 

And what kind of girl accepts another woman's earrings?

So I responded that she could keep them.  But he needs to send me my money for the furniture and add $$ for the earrings.  He didn't respond, I doubt he will.

I am livid. I mean...he has been messing with my head for the last month, wanting to see me, telling me about dreams that make him hard. He told me yesterday he loved me.  All bullshit of course. He was no differnt than SI or Cop#1. Likes my body more than me.

So, I am not going to see or talk to him again...but I still want my money. Principle more than anything.

you wouldn't survive a week

I have a few people (extended family and/or friends) who I finally had to hide from Facebook because I am so tired of them either complaining or pretending to be the happiest person ever.

This one woman is pregnant.  I swear, you would think she was the first pregnant person on Earth.  I am not sure how she is even surviving her pregnancy.  She has a cold, she threw up, the morning sickness is lasting too long, she is gaining weight, she is uncomfortable, she felt it move, she had to go to work, she is so tired, etc.  On top of that she is selling her place and buying a house.  So not only is she the first person pregnant, she also has the best life ever because she & the man she is married to (they've been together for 2 years) are buying a house.  

Don't even get me started on the teachers.  It is a great field, and once in a while I regret not going into teaching, but they are the most annoying Facebook friends.  First of all, they work 10 months plus have all those holidays and vacations; a great perk of becoming a teacher.  But these teachers complain the most about their jobs.  It snowed an inch and school wasn't cancelled?  The parents of the students are crazy.  They have to do report cards.  They have to make up a day from using too many snow days.  The kids were wild.  Parent-teacher conference days.  Etc.   I rarely complain about my JOB, the one I chose to do, on Facebook.  I commute in downpours, snow, sweltering heat.  On top of my weather commute - mass transit doesn't always work well, and the trains are supper packed or running late or cancelled.  I have clients, I have volunteers all of which during my career have been rude to me or were unresponsive.  I have staff meetings and I travel for work.  I work my butt-off.  I don't have the summer off.  I don't have the week from Christmas to New Years off.  I don't belong to a union.  I don't have the option of working in the summer for extra pay.  I can't wear jeans or sneakers to work.  I don't mind a little complaint here or there about a job and something that frustrated you - but when you do it daily or 3 times a week....maybe you shouldn't be a teacher, or maybe you need to start appreciating what you have.  I dream about you having my job...you wouldn't survive a week.

And those other people that updated their Facebook status 3-100 times a day...poof, you don't show up in my news feed either because I don't give a shit that you went to Starbucks  ran 3 miles, had a cookie you shouldn't have, or saw a pigeon poop on someone's head.

snooping on partner can mean jail time...

Have you heard about the man on trial for 'snopping' through wife's email?  I was appalled when I heard about this just moments ago. At first, my reaction was....why would he be on the news? What wife would actually press charges?  Then it dawned on me...a guilty one.

I know I am jaded since I have been cheated on.  But the realities seem parallel.  Do you trust your partner? If so, wouldn't s/he have your pass code or you don't have passwords?  Are there things you don't want your special someone to know - why not? 

I am not sure what the vows of marriage are - but being faithful I think is in there...and I am pretty sure when you live together somethings you now share.  If you don't want to share it...then create a really really hard password or create a new email. 

If the password was in the desk drawer - and you lived together...I don't get it.  Just because the lady got caught cheating she needed to get revenge?  Felony misuse of a computer?  That is such bull-shit.  How is it hacking, when he HAD the password?  It wasn't like he sat there for 3 days for 10 hours a day trying random passwords - and finally getting in.  He had it.  Isn't that some sort of consent?

I wish I had SI's password then I would have ended the agony way before I did.  And you what? A few months after I moved out and I was there "visiting" since we were trying to work it out, he set me up on the computer to watch an episode of LOST I missed, and after I checked my email.  Google you don't have to log out, so his popped up.  I then saw so many emails from the mistress. I did read a few since he told me they weren't speaking - but apparently they were engaged for months....and months I mean like WAY before I moved out...six months before to be exact - before I knew she existed.  So snooping was beneficial to catch people in a lie.  Further, after that little bump in the road, a few months later when we were still working it out and he was adamant about helping me trust him again, I asked for snapshots of his email or a temporary password just to check...but that was an impossible task for him since it would only continue to prove him more guilty.   And is it really snooping when you LIVE together? When you are MARRIED? I think not. 

If you aren't guilty, you wouldn't care.  I really hope this guy doesn't get 5 years in jail!

I keep wondering why the law is constantly protecting the more guilty.  So, I snooped through credit card statements and discovered a secret life that my 4 year live in boyfriend had. - So, what, I would go to jail? Isn't that more insult to injury? He already gets the breakup - and then throwing the faithful one in jail? UGH I am getting more annoyed writing so I have to stop...but you catch my drift.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/email-snooping-wife-brings-michigan-man-felony-computer/story?id=12488956

Signs he is cheating

Think he is cheating or having an affair?  Here are some signs to look for.  Of course just one of these doesn't mean anything...but the red light should go off if three or more are seen at the same time & over a certain period of time.

• Finding a strand of hair that is not your color in the passenger side head rest of the car
• If you constantly have to change the passenger seat of the car to fit your length.  If you are the only one regularly in the car, you shouldn't have to
• Not answering the phone or answering texts for several hours
• Have plans with you and be MIA for hours.
• Suddenly leave in the morning to hang with friends/family and you had no clue (esp true if you live together)
• Call you by a pet name all the time. (When cheating, he doesn't have to worry about calling out the wrong name daily or in bed if his pet names are the same for multiple ladies)
• Starts picking up new habits (like fake tanning - which you are so against)
• Starts smoking and/or drinking coffee out out no where
• All of a sudden you see an increase in his wardrobe.  You see a lot of new clothes when doing the wash, but never on him when you go out together
• Pet hair on clothes when you or he doesn't have a pet
• Gets a little nervous when you tell him the dry cleaner found something in his pocket
• Starts wearing (new) cologne
• Text messages all the time.  At dinner, on the couch, in bed over your head, in the car.  You constantly asking him to put his phone away and pay attention to you...but he doesn't.
• Starts complaining about high credit card bills (when you are trying to cut down on spending, maybe even start a budget...and you can't imagine why his credit card bills are high)
• Go from doing bills together to never being able to see them
• Keeping personal files and bills at work not at home where you can see them
• Gains extra weight
• Nit-picking everything to start a fight with you
• Starts doing small cute things to make you happy - flowers, nice restaurants, little gifts, etc to lessen your assumption he isn't being faithful
• Starts changing your plans for the future - making extreme new decisions (you agreed to 3 kids, now he wants none.  Finding things he knows you want more than anything and trying to crush it because he won't leave you so he wants you to get so mad at him and leave him)
• You get that feeling.  You want to maybe follow him one day, but you are scared to know the truth
• He locks his phone and computer with passwords
• He tells you he suspects YOU are cheating
• He refuses to give his parents your home telephone number (esp. if you live together) so they don't call when he isn't home and call him out on his lies (because of course he is always 'visiting' his sick parents)
• He has new moves in bed
• He is moodier
• When he gets home from work he sits in his car to finish a conversation before going inside the house (and does this on a regular basis)
• He criticises your clothes and/or body
• He might slip and mention something you didn't do together
• In his cell phone a friend is listed by initial. last name and then again number full  name (example J. Doe and then John Doe).  These are both different people.  The real one is probably the one that is still in line with all the others and the odd one is the one that is different.  And be even extra careful, my cell phone as a 'secret' listing...which is nothing but trouble if you ask me
• You notice he gets really good at lying to other people (but don't realize he is lying to you of course!)
• He goes from wanting to talk about feelings/future/little things to being more private and secretive
• When you do finally get around to "snooping" (which it isn't if you live together) you notice many credit card transaction for flowers, jewelery, restaurants that you didn't go to.  Also, he listed her as an authorized card holder so she has a credit card that he pays for. Perhaps a copy of her passport and license are in the file too.

*note, these could be signs SHE is cheating too...but since in my experience, it was my guy cheating, it was just easier to write HE all the time...and yes, the HE does refer to actual things someone specific did.
*note 2, there are different levels of cheating.  Listed above are all examples s/he is not just cheating, but in another relationship .

Wishing Bad Thoughts

Do you wish bad thoughts on people? I am ashamed to admit that I have.  Usually I do it after someone hurts me, and I started to believe in karma - what goes around comes around.  So, sometimes I wish the bad thoughts and other times I just envision the bad future scenarios of what would make me happy and them miserable.  I don't wish death because that is a way out, instead I'd prefer misery.  What can happen to someone to make them miserable and maybe regret their past choices? Can they be on top of the world one moment and then BAM it all falls apart.  Perhaps their significant other passes away, perhaps they are diagnosed with something, maybe they end up broke or in jail...either way, I would get some sort of satisfaction from that. I don't always envision the worst possible things - not all actions justify that, instead I just want something equally comparable to how I was hurt. 

I've mentioned before that I over think - and I definitely think about these things too much.  For instance, I constantly waste my time (YES, I know it is wasted time...and many times I don't want to think about it at all...but it is just there, it never really goes away) thinking about SI and his ex-mistress and what kind of karma they will endure.

I may come across as a mean, cold person that is full of anger and bitterness...but at least I can admit it.  I've lead a very truthful and honest life, I try not to break laws, I try to go out of my way to help when I can.  I think I am a really good person.  I am also full of love when it is deserved and that part of me generally overrides the other part twofold.  Sometimes I wonder that with the obstacles I've had - if that was my karma. Have I gotten it out of the way so the second part of my life will be better?  Was I am horrible person in a past life?  Either way, I know my internal thoughts are of no real bearing to others.  I may think bad things at times, but I know I would not be responsible if something actually happened. 

Day 08 - Someone who has made your life hell or treated you like sh*t

I am a  broken record.  And I know you guys are tired of reading about SI.  But, considering the circumstances, he is the only person that fits under this statement.  Sure, in high school I had a few bad things done to me by other boys, but now 15 years later, I barely remember them.  Somethings seem bad at the time, but aren't so I can't really use those.   However, as much as I loved SI, he treated me like shit the last year we were together and for four years after that. 

I guess a few examples need to be given?  Where to start.  So we dated for 4 years.  At year two I decided to go back to college full time, and I worked per diem (but many weeks, it was full time).  At this time, I was consumed by homework and reading.  I told him to go hang out with his friends.  He did.  And he met a bartender.  They started dating.  Now, I am not sure why his friends didn't tell the bartender that he was dating & living with me 5 nights a week.  But this continued for 2 years, without my knowledge.  Sure, ask yourself how didn't I know.  One - I was super busy.   Two - there were times I had a feeling something wasn't right, but again, I was too busy.  Three - I trusted him.  Four - you tell me how easy it is to not know when you are in the same situation.  He sent me engagement ring shopping (I found a fabulous ring) with my mom and sister and took me to the jewelers a few times.  Anyway, so school was done, we buy a house in NJ we move and right away things were bad.  Nine months later I left when my fears became a reality.  I was shocked with how long they were together.  I was shocked that he gave her a credit card...and he always complained to me that he was broke, that he can't get ahead, it strained our relationship etc.  No wonder. I have copies of the Amex bills - with her daily CVS trips of $30, her shopping sprees of $300, and all the meals they ate out the once or twice a week he saw her...etc. 

The constant lying and manipulation is what is the worst.  You never know what to believe.  You are constantly doubting yourself and others.  Sure, I was never physically abused, but I'll tell you for 2 1/2 years he mentally abused me.  Sure this all came about because I up and left one day.  We didn't talk about it, which I deeply regret, because deep down, I do not think he would have left me at that point (maybe later). Anyway, during our breakup period was when he treated me the worst (before that I felt like I was on a pedestal...or that is what he intentionally did do I wouldn't leave).  This was the time I left but didn't want to, where I wanted him to get rid of her - and he claimed she was a psycho and wanted to end it but couldn't because she kept threatening things.  She claims they were engaged (this is when I lived in the house - and I certainly was NOT engaged).  We still saw each other somewhat regularly. I thought I was moving back in a few times.  He asked me to go away with him, we made plans...and then he'd take her. She moved into our house probably the week after I left. She packed up my things.  He said he needed to get a restraining order on her...but didn't.  He said he still loved me, but refused to prove to me she was out of the picture.  He'd send me flowers and call me 10 times a day at work begging me to be with him but yet, she still lived in my house.  He said she didn't live with him, but I received mail with 'offical' return labels. This continued for months, and eventually 2 - 3 years. 

At three years I basically gave up.  It was exhausting and no progress was being made in rectifying our situation.  I even bought a condo a few months prior and didn't tell him about it.  He kept saying we'd be together but he needed time.  More time?  So I blocked him.  But then I realized he still had things that were mine and I contacted him to get my school books back (I needed a statistics book that I couldn't find) .  Yes he had it. Yes, he would give it to me.  So we met up.  No book.  We met up again, no book.  Hook up.  I would constantly write emails or leave messages at work briefly explaining that if something happened to me (died) that SI was responsible for it.  I did not understand why he would constantly need to be in my life when he didn't want me. 

A few weeks ago it was our 4 year un-anniversary.  He told me he absolutely adored me, that I am amazing and he fears his life will not be complete with out me in it. That I was the best thing that happened to him, but he didn't know it or appreciate it at the time. That I was his 'one'.  That he was the happiest when we were together.  That he might never be truly happy without me.  But the catch - he doesn't want to try, too much has happened and he is too scared of it not working out.  What BS.  If you want something bad enough - it isn't even a question of fighting for it...hello - that is what I did for 3 years.  I fought and fought and fought till I probably looked like a fool.

I know it doesn't sound that bad...but you have no idea.  I have hundreds of emails of the psychological torture.  My old phone will full of texts and voicemails that had love all over it.  It was a viscous cycle that I was too caught up in that I didn't realize how bad it was until way way later...like now I realize it. But it seems like that was from someone else.  When I think about SI, I think only about the guy I loved.  Not the other one.  I asked him once if he was diagnosed a multiple personality disorder or psychopath (he did fit that definition).  But when I see/talk to him...I don't see that.

If you are curious about the 'other' woman.  She was a high school graduate who became a stripper then a full time bartender.  She had fake dirty blond hair and a big nose that looked broken.  She was 6 years older than me, living in the basement of someones house and she was not close with her family.  She was taking a class or two at the community college 4 years ago when we corresponded.  I know McGriddle told me not to think of myself as better than other people...but come on.  Some people we are better than.  And trying to figure out why he'd love her and me the same is not really a mystery since we are so different.  I was the good housewife - she was the whore.

Ramblings of work Sh*t

I get a lot of calls at my job and those people are starting to piss me off. I am utterly shocked at what people think is ok. How they believe we should bend the rules just for them. They will argue with me until hell freezes over and never think to blame themselves.

example 1. Someone failed an examination. They will call to complain about this. They will think of EVERY excuse under the book to try to get a free re-test or ask us to give them a point. HAHAHA. We will NEVER just hand out points so you can pass, and very rarely will we offer a free re-test unless the computer broke mid-exam. Hey moron, you might have failed the exam by one point...but you still missed 65 questions! Did it occur to you to actually STUDY?

example 2. They don't have the proper documentation for recertifying and expect that we can let one slide. I mean, what is 5 contact hours in the grand scheme of it all? Not enough 'proper' credits = denied.

example 3. They are now retired and not working, they want to recertify. But it clearly states, must be currently employed. Can't we just make one exception??

example 4. They moved and never notified us and their certification expired last year. Can't they still renew it, they don't want to take the hard exam over again? Why didn't we notify them. *It is their responsibility to notify us of change of address. And NO, it is their problem. Why should something this simple be a 20 minute phone conversation???

I might come across as a bitch, and I do think I am starting to become one, but I, myself, would never in a million years think to call a company and ask them to make an exception just for me, when all over their website and in their literature are the policies. Polices are there for a reason. Why do you think you are above and better than everyone else??? YOU ARE NOT. And I WILL make sure that you know it. I can argue right back (I would make an awesome lawyer, I've been told that since middle school) and these days, while I am not the happiest person, I do. I am waiting for the day when I receive my first 'complaint' letter. But people know better, can they really complain about the bitch they talked to on the phone because the information she gave was FACTS and POLICIES and because she didn't grant your request? Just because they don't like what I have to say doesn't mean they are right. Come to think of it, it doesn't make me a bitch, it makes me a GOOD employee.

How to ditch a girl in 96 hours

Most of us ladies should have seen the romantic comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. I have a crush on Matthew - he is so NOT my type, but he has nice hair and makes cute facial expressions. Anyway, today's post is based in part on this movie. For those of you who haven't seen it - the gist of it is that Matthew's character has a bet with two female co-workers that he can make a woman fall in love with him, if he wins he gets some Ad job. Kate's character is writing an article about how to lose a guy in 10 days, if she wins - she gets to write better stories at her job. So while Matthew is trying so hard to get Kate to fall in love, Kate is doing things to annoy Matthew so much that she hopes he'd back off and end the romance.

So without further ado, here is my how to ditch a girl in 96 hours:

• Blatantly check out every single female around AND comment to me about how hot they are and/or that you want to 'tap that'
• More than three times in a day, suggesting to others that I can be swapped
• Laugh-snort at me when I ask if you'd like to have sex
• Constantly telling people I am too nice, after a while it is just constant reminder of a flaw
• Intentionally ignoring me
• Opening the car door before the car stops to drop me off and then tires spinning as you speed off
• Its ok if you complain about something, but if I did, it is not acceptable
• Annoyed at the fact I am not an alcoholic and can not drink from 10 am - 10 pm. I suppose I am more of a binge drinker. I'd rather drink more in a shorter period of time and get tipsy/drunk than to spend the whole day drinking and perhaps fall asleep too early.
• Endlessly talking about an ex-wife but yet if I bring up a time/story from an old relationship - I am not over it, need to move on and carry too much baggage...but its OK for you since you were married - because a relationship of 6-7 years apparently means it isn't serious and I wouldn't understand
• Every time you fart (which was often) you tell me you 'shit your pants'
• Hoping & praying to find others to talk to so you don't have to talk/look at me
• Not offering to rub sunscreen on my back
• Incessantly talk about your child. Sure, I love children and don't mind some talk, however there is a limit on this
• Walking so far in front of me, that I wonder if you'll leave me in the airport parking lot
• Not asking the gal questions after she has asked you a few. Conversation focused solely around you
• Constantly pointing out to other men how large my breasts are

Do any two maybe three of these things, and I can get the hint EASILY. There is no need to do them all. Guys gotta realize that excessive behavior is a major turnoff anyway. And MAYBE just maybe, we are sitting there, thinking the exact same thing as you, but we are handling it a lot better by silently laughing to ourselves hoping the trip will end.

I try not to judge a book by its cover - in fact, I've been trying to open up to new ideas. BUT there is a reason why we need to trust our guts and first impressions seem to be right.

"flash" back

Today I was chatting with Bank Boy about my hesitation to ever see him again. We were chatting about my insecurities and I realized it may have all started back in high school.

Who doesn't like attention? I liked attention from boys, but it got out of hand. I was in the 11th grade and high school was the worst place for me; I was constantly tortured and teased by the junior & senior boys because I had huge boobs (and I was skinny back then). I didn't understand what sexual harassment was -- and actually didn't learn that term until 2 years later. The boys would leave messages on the house answering machine that my parents would hear that would thank them for blessing me with succulent breasts that they can stare at all day and hope to play with. My parents heard these messages. Humiliating. One day it became too much to handle, and I wanted to end it. The boys had repeatedly asked if I'd flash them, I always said no. Then this particular day, I said OK. We were at lunch, and we went outside (me & the 3 or 4 seniors). I lifted up my shirt for all of 5 seconds. Bra stayed on. Before the school day was out 95% of the school heard about this & nicknamed me flash. I didn't go to school for the rest of the week - I was ashamed and embarrassed...but eventually a month later, people just stopped talking to me. I lost a few friends...but I didn't care. My senior year was only 4 periods & I worked...I just couldn't wait to go away to college and leave those people.

College was better, but guys just assumed with a body like mine, I was a slut. In fact when the complete opposite was true. I was too scared to do much because I knew it was for the wrong reasons. In college, I was super drunk one night that flashed a lot of guys at a frat party - which of course involved alcohol. My sorority sisters didn't like it one bit - and I apologized in a letter for my behavior - but I also questioned why flashing was deemed worse that all their casual sex with the frat boys. I ended up quitting the sorority a month later.

Sex was a big deal back then - and while I didn't partake in those activities, the treatment I received from guys in high school and college was enough to damage me. Many times men were only interested in me for my unusually large chest to say they saw them or touched them. Maybe it became contests. Because of this, I had a hard time trusting anyone and understanding why someone would want to be with me for me.

Sometimes it isn't a matter of getting over it - but it is more of accepting who you are and new people aren't those kids who made your life hell. The feelings never go away -- because so many guys are assholes and their behavior still goes with everything I just discussed. I will probably always have insecurities about my body and trust issues but when you find someone you like enough, those feelings get put on the back burner.

I HATE last minute cancellations

You know what I hate the most? Someone cancelling on the last minute for anything from a friend for lunch or a date. I dealt with that shit for too long in my last relationship to find out that all those cancellations meant something not good was going on...it is unacceptable. If you are going to cancel, cancel a few hours in advance, not AFTER I got dressed, put on make up, decided on an outfit, and made a special treat. This means you value my time less than your own. If that is the case, why would I want to hang out with you or be your friend?

One female friend was doing this to me all the time (including telling me she got her period - hello you were 27), that I had to end that friendship, that constant cancelling over the stupidest things really wore me out and upset me too much and of course left me with free time that I could have made other plans with - but then screwed because last minute people can't always get together for an impromptu evening.

So it appears I am too nice, and people just expect me to be completely understanding that they can't get their act together and actually go through with the original plans. I don't know if I want to be the nice girl anymore that gets stepped all over and taken advantage of. I need to start sticking up for myself and getting rid of all that negative energy.

It's getting hot out there, so take off all your coats

It reached 90 degrees one day last week in New York City. Unfortunately it was a work day and the morning seemed breezy so I grabbed a light coat and headed for the train. Sitting at work, staring out my window I found excuses why I needed to be outside: I had to run to staples to buy special envelopes to later discover they weren't the right ones, so I left again so I can be outside for 15 minutes. So was it natural instinct when I grabbed my coat and headed out the door? A co-worker tells me "its about 90 degrees you don't need a coat" but I kept it on and went outside for my brief walk. It was hot and yet the coat remained on while sweat started dripping down my back. Why couldn't I leave the jacket in the office?

Then it is time to leave for the day, I put on my coat, but do not zip it up since it is still so warm. On my 15 minute walk to the train, I had 4 guys 'cat call' to me saying I was "hot" or "Wow, look at those" etc. Since I am already so insecure, I generally ignore the men but sometimes I say thank you when they are polite (You are beautiful) even if I don't believe them. It is just a lot easier to keep covering up then have to deal with that kind of attention.

I love that in the winter I am bundled up so people don't talk to me on my walk - which is the only good thing about winter, in my opinion. But the Spring through the Fall could be difficult. In the middle of the summer, instead of having a coat, maybe I'll have a little sweater because why should I suffer in the heat just because I can't handle the harassment? And if I made some poor soul's day just by walking by him, then even better.